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General Parenting
Should we kick our 16 yr old son out?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 639636" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>For God sakes, DO NOT SIGN A LEASE. You know your son. You will be stuck with it.</p><p></p><p>It is a personal decision to tell your child to leave. I told two to leave. Actually one left, but didn't think I wouldn't let him come back. He was violent and dangerous at the the time. My other daughter was using drugs, but she quit and turned it around all after she was no longer living with us. I am very close to both of these grown children now. It has worked...they are both gainfully employed and not expecting anything from us. My daughter is a real sweetie, but she always was, even while using drugs.Since we set down rules as to what our son can say to us, which excludes any/all abuse, our talks are much more pleasant. The first sign of him raising his voice, swearing at us, calling us names or getting abusive and the phone goes *click*. We are people too and we do not deserve abuse, even from our child, and we will not put up with it. Not anymore, that is. It was a long trip...wish we'd started putting the boundaries down much earlier.I have two other lovely grown kids who never gave me a moment's grief and I wasn't about to upset their world by letting the oldest son frighten them and control their lives. It was our house, not his house and he was not the only person living there.</p><p></p><p>Conduct Disorder is serious. It indicates a lack of conscience. Whether your son will develop one or not is a big question mark. I don't feel it is wrong to make a child leave, especially if he wants to, but I also don't think it is always a good idea to fund them either. It is all about what you can live with. I lived for years with dysfunction and finally chose peace and harmony and life could not be better. I set strong boundaries with my one remaining dysfunctional son and it has really helped our relationship. Letting him say whatever he wanted to, mean, foul, profane, blaming...that just destroyed the two of us. Now we can actually have a conversation. However, fortunately he has a good job because he can never live with us again. Not that he wants to.</p><p></p><p>Every situation is different. If your son is a danger to anyone in your house then I would think seriously about letting him leave and setting boundaries with all interactions with him. If he does not follow your boundaries, leave. That's the only way they know you are serious. If you are not yet ready to make that sort of break, then do what you feel you need to do to get things as good as possible. Family therapy is great, but chances are your son won't go. That doesn't stop YOU from going. None of us can help you as much as a professional.</p><p></p><p>You also have the option of having him live there until/unless it becomes intolerable to both of you. Some people do this. It is personal choice.</p><p></p><p>Good luck and keep us updated.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 639636, member: 1550"] For God sakes, DO NOT SIGN A LEASE. You know your son. You will be stuck with it. It is a personal decision to tell your child to leave. I told two to leave. Actually one left, but didn't think I wouldn't let him come back. He was violent and dangerous at the the time. My other daughter was using drugs, but she quit and turned it around all after she was no longer living with us. I am very close to both of these grown children now. It has worked...they are both gainfully employed and not expecting anything from us. My daughter is a real sweetie, but she always was, even while using drugs.Since we set down rules as to what our son can say to us, which excludes any/all abuse, our talks are much more pleasant. The first sign of him raising his voice, swearing at us, calling us names or getting abusive and the phone goes *click*. We are people too and we do not deserve abuse, even from our child, and we will not put up with it. Not anymore, that is. It was a long trip...wish we'd started putting the boundaries down much earlier.I have two other lovely grown kids who never gave me a moment's grief and I wasn't about to upset their world by letting the oldest son frighten them and control their lives. It was our house, not his house and he was not the only person living there. Conduct Disorder is serious. It indicates a lack of conscience. Whether your son will develop one or not is a big question mark. I don't feel it is wrong to make a child leave, especially if he wants to, but I also don't think it is always a good idea to fund them either. It is all about what you can live with. I lived for years with dysfunction and finally chose peace and harmony and life could not be better. I set strong boundaries with my one remaining dysfunctional son and it has really helped our relationship. Letting him say whatever he wanted to, mean, foul, profane, blaming...that just destroyed the two of us. Now we can actually have a conversation. However, fortunately he has a good job because he can never live with us again. Not that he wants to. Every situation is different. If your son is a danger to anyone in your house then I would think seriously about letting him leave and setting boundaries with all interactions with him. If he does not follow your boundaries, leave. That's the only way they know you are serious. If you are not yet ready to make that sort of break, then do what you feel you need to do to get things as good as possible. Family therapy is great, but chances are your son won't go. That doesn't stop YOU from going. None of us can help you as much as a professional. You also have the option of having him live there until/unless it becomes intolerable to both of you. Some people do this. It is personal choice. Good luck and keep us updated. [/QUOTE]
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Should we kick our 16 yr old son out?
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