I remember being plagued by this myself. I abused alcohol from about 19 til I got pregnant with my daughter at 28. In the younger days it was mostly partying with friends but then turned into just my husband and I drunk together every night - I more drunk than him. Then I got sober...then started drinking "only wine" when she was about a year. I decided it wasn't worth it and I stopped - went to AA for a while but pretty much just figured I am one of the unlucky ones who becomes addicted to pretty much anything that feels good. I was an angry, blackout drunk. I go through bouts of depression and I was always very shy and reserved and alcohol lifted those burdons for me - so I know now I was self medicating.
But anyway, last summer my 18 yo daughter got belligerent one night and I called the police hoping they would take her in for a mental health evaluation...they did'nt. If I had told them she slapped my face in the car, they would have taken her to jail. I probably should have told them. They told her to go to bed. Well, one of her friends picked her up (one who acutally has a car) and I was so upset when she texted me "I love you mom, I hope you are okay" after her ABUSE, I unleashed in a text to her all about my prior alcoholism including a huge DUI where I spent two weekends in jail, had fines, had to go to driver school etc....probably wasn't the right way to tell her. I didn't tell her about the many times I drove drunk, or the time I woke up at 4 AM on the highschool campus in the rain under a tree, or the psychotic anger I threw on my husband at times. She knew I didn't drink at all anymore, but I never told her the extent of the darkness it caused me. But she knew about the other family members (everyone on my husband's immediate side is an alcoholic, drug addict or dead from it...my biological father was a raging drunk from what I understood - I was adopted). They also smoked weed. I had smoked several times and actually got psychotic from it a few times which was awful. For anyone to say it is HARMLESS is an idiot! It might be harmless for some, but NOT everyone! My husband smoked weed regularly in high school and early college but quit on his own after just feeling like it wasn't benefiting him. During his smoking days, he also WORKED, went to COLLEGE and got decent grades, and got on with his life.
When he found a bong in her room about 3 years ago he went on about how he used to smoke and he ended up not liking it so he quit. Did that give her the go ahead? We told her no pot in the house but it falls on deaf ears. She is living at home again now that her boyfriend is on probation. That's another story.
Regardless of what we tell our kids about our own past lives, relatives, or anyone else, what they CHOOSE to do what they do is their CHOICE. Telling them or not telling them is not going to change whether they become an addict or not. I feel like honesty is the best but only if it doesn't hurt them. Maybe I am wrong and I was probably wrong to unleash on her in a text but it is what it is. How much more can I bash myself about...one more thing I did wrong lol.