Malika, perhaps what could work for you right now is to keep a diary. Log everything, including all the good stuff he does. It will be valuable later on in his life anyway. If he has a problem at school, log that too. Then over time, look back and see if there is any kind of pattern. If there isn't, then the teacher is right. But if there is, the book can give you early warning before it becomes a huge issue.
When I look back through difficult child 3's diary, I can see how far he has come. It gives me a lot of encouragement.
Don't worry that your problems don't seem as bad as some other people's. We are all different! I read posts about someone's teen child going AWOL, experimenting with drugs, sexual promiscuity, shoplifting, violence, and I am grateful my kids have not been a problem to that degree. the point is here, we are all supporting one another, whatever we may or may not be dealing with. I am glad my son is doing a lot better at the moment. He's always been a decent, scrupulously honest person and for that I am very grateful.
It's OK. You came here because you are concerned. It doesn't matter if you haven't fully identified why you re concerned.
I will share with you though - with both my boys, I have had teachers as well s friends, try to assure me that there was no problem. One friend looked after difficult child 1 in her home for the week I was in hospital giving birth to difficult child 3. You would think in that week she would have noticed that difficult child 1 was different, but no. She loved having him, every minute. He was 10 at the time. She told me many stories of the fun they had together, of the time they spent enjoying each other's company. But in her stories I could see what had been concerning me. To her, they were not concerns. For example, they were playing a game of chess. My friend was losing and difficult child 1, with typical Aspie tactlessness, said, "You're not very good at this, are you?"
Or the time she took him to a cafe for an ice cream sundae - something I had never done because it is challenging and expensive with a bundle of kids. He loved every minute of it because he had three adults all paying attention to him. He spent the entire time in the cafe explaining to them about fossils (his passion at the time). My friend reported being very impressed with his intelligence. What she didn't realise was that his encyclopedic knowledge was limited to a very small range of topics. To her it was novel, she didn't get to hear the same stuff over and over, ad nauseum.
I was glad that they had fun, glad difficult child 1 had been an only kid, centre of attention, for some time. It was good for his self-esteem. But I was sad that my friend was even more convinced thee was nothing wrong, when everything she told me about their time together actually reinforced my concerns.
difficult child 1 is now a married man aged 27. He and this friend of mine are still very close. She's like an extra grandma for him. But she still has a difficult time accepting his Asperger's diagnosis. She also was one of the last to accept difficult child 3's autism diagnosis, even though it was far more obvious. I remember dropping in to visit her one day to talk about my concerns. She continued to insist there was not a problem. So I said to her, "Ask difficult child 3 about his day today at pre-school." (he was 3 years old).
So she leaned forward to touch him on the knee to make eye contact (instinctively the right thing to do). "What did you do today at pre-school, difficult child 3?"
difficult child 3 briefly made eye contact with her then looked away to the view over the ocean out the window. "Bird," he said. "Water."
She looked at me, shrugged, then ignored his lack of response. "Maybe he's just tired," she said.
"No, this is usual," I told her. "He cannot ever tell me anything about his day. He cannot use sentences. He knows labels for some things. He is the same age as Janie who can chatter on about her favourite TV program and why she likes it. Yet he can't even tell me when he wants a drink of juice. He has to grab my hand and drag me to the fridge."
A mother's instinct is valuable. We are the first line of concern. Sometimes, but less often, our concerns are unfounded. More often, we are briefly persuaded out of our concerns by others in our child's life; people who are skilled, educated, supposedly able to identify the same concerns. Most often, our concerns end up being recognised s valid and help is obtained that enables our concerns to be eased.
That is the best outcome of all.
Marg
I always learn new stuff from you Marg!
