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Family of Origin
Shunning: A Tool Widely Used
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 667398" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Oh, Cedar. THAT IS PERFECT...lolol!!!!</p><p></p><p>Thank you.</p><p></p><p>I realize now that my FOO was never getting rid of me to protect themselves. I didn't pose a threat to them. They were doing it to shame, shun and punish. That makes me feel better, as if it is not my fault, but their meanness.</p><p></p><p>I've long said there is a mean gene in our family and, in some members, a lack of empathy except when it benefits themselves in some way. I know of nobody in my FOO that has ever done a generous deed for somebody else, especially people they don't know, without expecting a payback in return. No interests in charity, the underprivileged, the disabled, and certainly not the mentally ill, although there is loads of it in FOO.Never a worry about people who can't afford medical care or to eat, unless, of course, it hit THEM. Then they cared about one person who couldn't eat or afford medical care...THEM. Selfish group. Oh, there goes my judging again. Maybe they aren't. This is just how they think.</p><p></p><p>I was always an outcast there, but I realize now it is for speaking up and for being different. It is nice to finally shed the shame. Trust me,t hough, certain days I will have an emotional flashback and still feel shame. But it is less now and I can talk myself out of it by asking, "What horrible thing did you really do? Harm somebody so that they have PTSD? Hurt anybody? Steal? Deface property? Is this not a punishment given you because you would not do what said person wanted? Did you take a moral stand, like with the $5000, and stick to it and then get punished?"</p><p></p><p>The answers are always yes.</p><p></p><p>I gained lots and lots in having compassion by being shunned, so it is not all bad. I value this about me. There are plenty of things I DO NOT value...lol. That trait s one I am proud of.</p><p></p><p>These days I'm trying to work with my therapist on turning negatives into positives and that was an example <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p><p></p><p>We are doing this, Copa and Cedar. We are winning.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 667398, member: 1550"] Oh, Cedar. THAT IS PERFECT...lolol!!!! Thank you. I realize now that my FOO was never getting rid of me to protect themselves. I didn't pose a threat to them. They were doing it to shame, shun and punish. That makes me feel better, as if it is not my fault, but their meanness. I've long said there is a mean gene in our family and, in some members, a lack of empathy except when it benefits themselves in some way. I know of nobody in my FOO that has ever done a generous deed for somebody else, especially people they don't know, without expecting a payback in return. No interests in charity, the underprivileged, the disabled, and certainly not the mentally ill, although there is loads of it in FOO.Never a worry about people who can't afford medical care or to eat, unless, of course, it hit THEM. Then they cared about one person who couldn't eat or afford medical care...THEM. Selfish group. Oh, there goes my judging again. Maybe they aren't. This is just how they think. I was always an outcast there, but I realize now it is for speaking up and for being different. It is nice to finally shed the shame. Trust me,t hough, certain days I will have an emotional flashback and still feel shame. But it is less now and I can talk myself out of it by asking, "What horrible thing did you really do? Harm somebody so that they have PTSD? Hurt anybody? Steal? Deface property? Is this not a punishment given you because you would not do what said person wanted? Did you take a moral stand, like with the $5000, and stick to it and then get punished?" The answers are always yes. I gained lots and lots in having compassion by being shunned, so it is not all bad. I value this about me. There are plenty of things I DO NOT value...lol. That trait s one I am proud of. These days I'm trying to work with my therapist on turning negatives into positives and that was an example ;) We are doing this, Copa and Cedar. We are winning. [/QUOTE]
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Shunning: A Tool Widely Used
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