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Family of Origin
Shunning: A Tool Widely Used
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 667497" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Hi, nlj.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>Well, that's the thing. I do care. I feel judged and found wanting and ridiculed and rejected. </p><p></p><p>I am ashamed, that my people don't want me.</p><p></p><p>The difference now is that I am angrier than I am ashamed.</p><p></p><p>When this happened before, I was only ashamed. Really, I was so shamed by it that I can feel sickened even now, when I think about how confused and hurt I was, then.</p><p></p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/Graemlins/919Mad.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":919Mad:" title="Mad :919Mad:" data-shortname=":919Mad:" /></p><p></p><p>So, a much as I am not so proud of how angry I am now over every little thing about them, I am proud of myself for being angry at the same time.</p><p></p><p>I just don't want to get stuck in it.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>That is so hurtful. I am sorry that happened to you, nlj. Do you believe the mother shunned out of anger that you refused to bend the knee, or because you did not fit the established ideas of behavior? We are finding that dysfunctional moms seem to shun for the purpose of reestablishing their power bases over us.</p><p></p><p>I think they hate to be defied, and shun the defiant child out of that hatred.</p><p></p><p>Where another mother might have been proud of her daughter's nonconformity, your mother chose to shun. But the question we are asking ourselves here in the FOO Chronicles is whether anything having to do with the ways our mother's behaved toward us had anything to do with us, with who we were.</p><p></p><p>Had you not rebelled against the mother nlj, do you believe she would have enacted a kind of "shunning in place" having to do with domination of you?</p><p></p><p>I am coming to believe that is what dysfunctional moms do. They shun in place. We grow up being dominated, being shunned in place. We break away from them, and that is when the shunning goes public and allies are gathered against us to justify the shunning. </p><p></p><p>And once again, even in our own shunning, it gets to be all about the mother.</p><p></p><p>If we do not break away, they dominate us until our worlds, and our lives, revolve first around them. </p><p></p><p>But they never love us.</p><p></p><p>I think they do not love us.</p><p></p><p>That is the difference. Think what we have all gone through with our own troubled kids. I get mad at them all the time, but I miss them too much to ever decide not to see them, or not at least to hear their voices.</p><p></p><p>Why isn't that true for our own mothers, I wonder.</p><p></p><p>Why are they forever determined to dominate, instead of finding joy in us, the way we do with our own children.</p><p></p><p>Sorry, nlj. I am getting off track, here.</p><p></p><p>Ahem.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>In seeing the process of shunning as I do now, I have been listening to our media here as they try first to ridicule and then, to isolate and destroy, particular candidates.</p><p></p><p>I wonder if Jeremy Corbyn is aware of the dynamic behind efforts to ridicule and isolate, and if this is how he can be strong enough to withstand it?</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Oh, yes. Religious shunning is used for exactly that purpose. I read about an experiment: A group of college students, aware that the experiment will be done to explore the dynamic of the shunned persons, agree to throw a ball back and forth among all of them. Those who will be shunned by not having the ball thrown to them after a certain period are aware this will happen.</p><p></p><p>The shunned students experienced intense shame lasting long after the experiment was over. The shunning students felt a sense of ridicule for those who had been shunned, long after the experiment was over.</p><p></p><p>Isn't that an interesting thing.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 667497, member: 17461"] Hi, nlj. :O) Well, that's the thing. I do care. I feel judged and found wanting and ridiculed and rejected. I am ashamed, that my people don't want me. The difference now is that I am angrier than I am ashamed. When this happened before, I was only ashamed. Really, I was so shamed by it that I can feel sickened even now, when I think about how confused and hurt I was, then. :919Mad: So, a much as I am not so proud of how angry I am now over every little thing about them, I am proud of myself for being angry at the same time. I just don't want to get stuck in it. That is so hurtful. I am sorry that happened to you, nlj. Do you believe the mother shunned out of anger that you refused to bend the knee, or because you did not fit the established ideas of behavior? We are finding that dysfunctional moms seem to shun for the purpose of reestablishing their power bases over us. I think they hate to be defied, and shun the defiant child out of that hatred. Where another mother might have been proud of her daughter's nonconformity, your mother chose to shun. But the question we are asking ourselves here in the FOO Chronicles is whether anything having to do with the ways our mother's behaved toward us had anything to do with us, with who we were. Had you not rebelled against the mother nlj, do you believe she would have enacted a kind of "shunning in place" having to do with domination of you? I am coming to believe that is what dysfunctional moms do. They shun in place. We grow up being dominated, being shunned in place. We break away from them, and that is when the shunning goes public and allies are gathered against us to justify the shunning. And once again, even in our own shunning, it gets to be all about the mother. If we do not break away, they dominate us until our worlds, and our lives, revolve first around them. But they never love us. I think they do not love us. That is the difference. Think what we have all gone through with our own troubled kids. I get mad at them all the time, but I miss them too much to ever decide not to see them, or not at least to hear their voices. Why isn't that true for our own mothers, I wonder. Why are they forever determined to dominate, instead of finding joy in us, the way we do with our own children. Sorry, nlj. I am getting off track, here. Ahem. In seeing the process of shunning as I do now, I have been listening to our media here as they try first to ridicule and then, to isolate and destroy, particular candidates. I wonder if Jeremy Corbyn is aware of the dynamic behind efforts to ridicule and isolate, and if this is how he can be strong enough to withstand it? Oh, yes. Religious shunning is used for exactly that purpose. I read about an experiment: A group of college students, aware that the experiment will be done to explore the dynamic of the shunned persons, agree to throw a ball back and forth among all of them. Those who will be shunned by not having the ball thrown to them after a certain period are aware this will happen. The shunned students experienced intense shame lasting long after the experiment was over. The shunning students felt a sense of ridicule for those who had been shunned, long after the experiment was over. Isn't that an interesting thing. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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