Sick of my 18 year old and her boyfriend!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Anna Durham, Jul 20, 2015.

  1. ladyinrage

    ladyinrage New Member

    Hi everyone! I have a situation that I need your advice on. I live in Schenectady, NY. I am homeless 52 year old lady who lives with someone. The person that I live with didn't have a problem with me and my daughter living there but the dilemma is now it's almost a year later and now its causing problems. My daughter who was going to school quit when she turned 18 and my roommate invited her boyfriend after I told him that I wasn't happy about it. Even though he works I believe he has dropped out of college because he barely goes. These two do nothing but freeload and stay in the room all day, stay up all night raiding the refrigerator but when he gets his money they order out and go sit in the room and eat their stuff. Now my roommate is complaining about the freeloading they are doing. I told him the fault was his. I told him that in order to remove them he would have to evict them because since this isn't my house I can't do anything. My daughter is now angry with me but I'm sick of her and her pathetic meltdowns when she gets confronted on her and her boyfriend and their disgusting behavior. I need advice because I'm coming very close to losing it on her!
  2. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Hi Anna - first things first, I'm glad you've found us, but very sorry you have to be here. Depending on your state, you could be right. Some places do make you go thru eviction to get someone out who has established a residence. I'm quite glad that my state does not. We simply told our son to pack a bag when it got to that point. But if you aren't on the lease it is up to the person who is. I'm sure others will be around to help you more. You might try posting on the Parents Emeritus board, as it's for parents of adult kids.

    Next, since things can get very personal here, pretty much everyone uses a screen name and does not use their actual photo as their avatar. You might want to consider changing to a new name (maybe just your first name, for instance) and a new photo for privacy sake. :)
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi and welcome.

    I think the very first thing you must do to get a good, educated response from moms who have been in the trenches is to transfer or post this post on the forum of Parent Emeritus. This particular forum is mostly for kids under 18. As you know it is much harder when they are over 18 and that's where Parent Emeritus comes in. We help each other after we lose any legal control to do anything for our adult children. I have no read your post yet, but will now.

    I'm glad you found us.
  4. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    Welcome Anna,

    Has your roommate talked to your daughter and her boyfriend about this?

    The situation is probably not going the way he had envisioned it going when he allowed the boyfriend to stay with you all.

    He needs to set some strong boundaries detailing what is and is not acceptable behavior in his home and give them notice that they need to find somewhere else to live. He may need to get an eviction notice if that is indeed the laws of your state.

    Many of our kids do this to the people that they live with. sigh....

    The longer that they get away with their behaviors, the harder it is to turn it around.

    Keep posting. It helps.
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    My first instinct is go get rid of the boyfriend and go from there.She may go with him. It's her choice. You have enough on your plate to have to deal with HIM, who is a stranger to you.

    Have you applied for housing and other benefits for yourself? Are you taking good care of you? This arrangement sounds "iffy" at best. You need to take care of YOU and get your benefits you are entitled to and move into your own place as soon as you can or you will be at this landlord's mercy. And that is never good.
    I'm so sorry you ended up homeless. There must be a way to get out of t he situation.
  6. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Hi Anna. I agree with everybody else. Especially about the part that you seek whatever public assistance for which you might qualify, so that you are not in the position of being or feeling dependent
    It sounds like your authority as a parent is being compromised because you do not have or feel authority in your housing situation. This needs to be addressed first, I think.

    But the thing is, it could be that the main issue is parental authority, and that having or not having legal authority over the apartment is not primary.

    I have an adult child who is not living with us at this time. My SO has lived with me in my house for 6 years. That said, I am the primary breadwinner. So if I think about it, he is in the same situation as yours.

    He would never in a million years describe himself as homeless. Nor would he ever feel without authority over what affects him. While he may yield authority to me, I would feel he has authority over himself and what affects him, including my son.

    I am fine with this and would want him to take charge even more. Over my own son.

    What I am saying here is that you have authority over your household, no matter where you live. Your rules, not hers. That is my thinking. The legal authority means not one thing at all. And it is a question of whether or not you are exercising it, by standing up to her, which to me is your right to do.

    I would have all kinds of problems with the current situation: The food, the laying around all day, the disrespect of it all. And I would set about trying to get back my own authority.

    Good luck and keep posting.
  7. ladyinrage

    ladyinrage New Member

    Hello everyone! First off I want to apologize for posting my complaint here but I was under the impression that this was Parents Emeritus. When I clicked on the website it brought me here. The second thing is that I want to thank you for the feedback because it helped me out a lot. I have stood up to my child but calling the police where I live is a joke. I have to leave to keep from losing it on her but I can't do this no more. Again, thank you for the advice!0
  8. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hi Anna,
    Welcome and ditto to what the others say. I would recommend not using your real name as your username or your picture for privacy reasons.
  9. ladyinrage

    ladyinrage New Member

    Ok, thank you!