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Sigh....difficult child friend's. Never could stand them
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<blockquote data-quote="Lil" data-source="post: 636164" data-attributes="member: 17309"><p>Well I was going to say, "It was 4 years ago...perhaps it's time to let it go. Maybe she was afraid if you knew the truth you wouldn't let difficult child be friends with her and wouldn't let her stay with you."</p><p> </p><p>Then I read this:</p><p></p><p> </p><p>...and I decided to say: Who the hell does she think she is? Tell her NO MORE GUESTS - period!</p><p> </p><p>I know that is easier said than done. I too have been known to say "yes" when I should say "no" just to keep the peace; to avoid a tantrum and have my house be less upsetting. But it's not the right path. I know that and you know that.</p><p> </p><p>I am a lawyer in civil service. My husband has worked for the Department of Corrections for 22 years. My kid's friends...well I'm pretty darn sure they don't tell us anything. My son has said, "You don't know how hard it is being so-and-so's friend with you as my parents." But by the same token...he has also told one to watch his mouth when he bad-mouthed us and was just last night saying he'd like to smack one friend for the way he talks to the grandmother he lives with. Mine has his tantrums and can use the F-word more times in a sentence than I do in a week, but he never calls us foul names or really directs it AT us...his is more situational, for lack of a better word.</p><p> </p><p>When he was in high school, we pretty much let his friends come and go as they pleased. I didn't mind. I figured if they were in my house I knew what they were doing. My husband was pickier - he wanted advance notice. I personally wouldn't have cared if I woke up to kids on the couch...assuming (if they were minors and not all his friends were) their own parents knew where they were. Of course, that was when I thought they were good kids - before he stole a bunch of stuff from us, we had to call the police when we found one had an active warrant (that kid never held a grudge at all and understood we really didn't have a choice and actually apologized to <em>us</em> for putting us in that position...I always liked him, bad influence or not), and generally started giving us strokes every other day. When he came home after his year of "college" we told him, "This is our house. We can't control what you do outside of it, but we say who's in it. We <em>liked</em> not having anyone here but us. We are OFF the couch-surfing network. No one stays without (preferably 24 hour) notice and permission. Certain friends are not allowed at ALL because we think they are dealers. Finally, if anyone with a warrant comes in this house...they'll leave in handcuffs."</p><p> </p><p>I think it's never too late to take charge of your life. People get divorced in their golden years, get college degrees in their 70's and married in their 90's. It's certainly not too late to start living a life free of your kid's bullying ways! In fact, now that difficult child is 18 and you <em>no longer have to provide a single thing to keep her alive</em> unless YOU want to, it's the perfect time!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Lil, post: 636164, member: 17309"] Well I was going to say, "It was 4 years ago...perhaps it's time to let it go. Maybe she was afraid if you knew the truth you wouldn't let difficult child be friends with her and wouldn't let her stay with you." Then I read this: ...and I decided to say: Who the hell does she think she is? Tell her NO MORE GUESTS - period! I know that is easier said than done. I too have been known to say "yes" when I should say "no" just to keep the peace; to avoid a tantrum and have my house be less upsetting. But it's not the right path. I know that and you know that. I am a lawyer in civil service. My husband has worked for the Department of Corrections for 22 years. My kid's friends...well I'm pretty darn sure they don't tell us anything. My son has said, "You don't know how hard it is being so-and-so's friend with you as my parents." But by the same token...he has also told one to watch his mouth when he bad-mouthed us and was just last night saying he'd like to smack one friend for the way he talks to the grandmother he lives with. Mine has his tantrums and can use the F-word more times in a sentence than I do in a week, but he never calls us foul names or really directs it AT us...his is more situational, for lack of a better word. When he was in high school, we pretty much let his friends come and go as they pleased. I didn't mind. I figured if they were in my house I knew what they were doing. My husband was pickier - he wanted advance notice. I personally wouldn't have cared if I woke up to kids on the couch...assuming (if they were minors and not all his friends were) their own parents knew where they were. Of course, that was when I thought they were good kids - before he stole a bunch of stuff from us, we had to call the police when we found one had an active warrant (that kid never held a grudge at all and understood we really didn't have a choice and actually apologized to [I]us[/I] for putting us in that position...I always liked him, bad influence or not), and generally started giving us strokes every other day. When he came home after his year of "college" we told him, "This is our house. We can't control what you do outside of it, but we say who's in it. We [I]liked[/I] not having anyone here but us. We are OFF the couch-surfing network. No one stays without (preferably 24 hour) notice and permission. Certain friends are not allowed at ALL because we think they are dealers. Finally, if anyone with a warrant comes in this house...they'll leave in handcuffs." I think it's never too late to take charge of your life. People get divorced in their golden years, get college degrees in their 70's and married in their 90's. It's certainly not too late to start living a life free of your kid's bullying ways! In fact, now that difficult child is 18 and you [I]no longer have to provide a single thing to keep her alive[/I] unless YOU want to, it's the perfect time! [/QUOTE]
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