Sigh-difficult child update

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Wiped Out, Mar 10, 2010.

  1. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    difficult child continues to have a really hard time at school and has been extremely manic even at home but especially at school. We have received emails or phone calls for all but two (I'm hoping for two as I haven't heard today yet) days of March so far. He is just not able to hold it together. He is going to stay at school on Friday while the class is on a field trip because of two reasons: 1. They are very concerned about taking him out in the woods and 2. difficult child doesn't want to go so it would spell trouble to send him.

    On Sunday after husband, difficult child, and I were at the club we needed to stop at the grocery store. difficult child was in a real "buy this for me" mode so we decided husband would stay in the car with him. When I returned to the car with the groceries husband asked what I had decided on for dinner for the next time. I told him hamburgers and hot dogs. I said I only bought hamburgers because we already had hot dogs at home. difficult child informed me we didn't because he had eaten them all (10 in 2 or 3 days:surprise:).

    He began demanding that I go back into the store to buy hot dogs. I said he could eat hamburgers or peanut butter and jelly but I wasn't going back in (there is no reason we shouldn't have had hot dogs left).

    He was upset and started pushing my seat forward in the van (husband was driving). When we got home he started singing and when I listened to the words he was taking about how he was going to smash my ankles in the car door. Since I heard him I was able to brace myself for when he tried and he did try!

    husband made sure difficult child left and then I got out of the car. A few minutes later he was using a knife and pretending to poke it at me (very manic like and said he was playing when I told him to stop).

    Forward to Monday when I told two friends about what had happened (the two friends don't know one another but both have difficult children). Both expressed concern for my safety. I didn't think much of it because difficult child had calmed down relatively quickly and moved on to other things.

    Forward to today. While I was updating difficult child's therapist about difficult child's past few weeks I mentioned Sunday and the van. She too expressed concern for my safety. She thinks maybe it is time for difficult child to be hospitalized to have a look at his medications. I don't know why but I was surprised. I guess I minimized the incident because I didn't get hurt and was able to redirect difficult child. on the other hand, as I think of it, had I not been listening to what he was singing about my legs could have been really hurt.

    difficult child's therapist wants me to call his psychiatrist tomorrow and she is going to call also. She was surprised at how manic he was during the entire appointment.

    So I guess March Madness is here. We'll see what happens when I call psychiatrist tomorrow.
  2. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Sharon, I'm so sorry. Because we as parents live through these periods of instability so frequently, we tend to "normalize" it when it is anything but "normal." I'm glad you have others around you lending support and looking out for your safety. I think it's good that you and the therapist are checking in with the psychiatrist tomorrow. Perhaps it is time for a hospitalization to take a good hard look at the medications.

    Hugs to you. Be kind to yourself.
  3. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    I agree with SW -- it's VERY easy to brush things off, especially after the fact and when everyone's calmed down. Oh no one got hurt. Oh look he was able to calm down. But sometimes we need to listen to how others perceive the situation because we are just too dang close to it. Kind of like being on the merry-go-round, and when you look at the person next to you, they seem like they're standing still. But when you look outside to the stationary things beyond the ride, you see the world whirling by and realize YOU are the one spinning. I've been thinking he might need a psychiatric hospital visit too, based on your earlier posts about him. Keep us posted on what happens!

  4. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Sharon- what happens when he stops projecting what he plans to do? It seems like a bit of a game right now on his part. He behaves in a potentially threatening way because he gives a heads up to you or husband and he is prevented from hurting you. What happens if he grows tired of the game and decides to out and out harm you? He really seems to focus on intimidating you and has a lot of violent thoughts....
  5. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Sharon, I don't know what to suggest. All I can say is that I understand your need to dismiss his threats
    because of him switching gears quickly. You feel you still have a handle on things. I know your husband isn't ready to
    think in terms of difficult child being too unsafe to be in school or home. There isn't much we can suggest.
    Just ask yourself how many people have to share their concern before you guys believe it? You have been injured.
    He doesn't feel remorse until he is in way too deep.
    Do you have a line in the sand? For me, physical attacks were it. If difficult child raised a hand or hurt easy child, I was going to
    turn things from therapeutic to self protection for those of us who were left in his wake. I'm not sure what it would
    take for you and husband to know when he was posing a danger. Frankly a jabbing knife would pretty much have all my red
    flags up and waving. I wouldn't care or believe he was only joking but we all have different levels of tolerance.
    I'm sorry for you. I hope someone else has a more productive suggestion but I don't have much. Hopefully, he will settle in as the month moves on.
  6. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I agree with the others- I know we hate to accept that we have reached the worst case scenario stage, but I think you have- short of him actually accomplishing the serious wounding of you. When I read your post, what came to my mind was that therapist I was seeing last winter telling me that just like with any other kind of abuse, we become conditioned to it and keep moving our line of "tolerable" further and further when it's our kids, but of course, this can lead to defeating the purpiose if it becomes allowing too much instead of leading to more treatment or other means to address it.

    I don't know what to advise yyou either- or exactly where you should draw that line. But I definitely am worried about your safety. I just can't see that he's getting better about these threats right now. ((HUGS))

    ETA: Yep, Fran, the knife at my neck was clearly over any line I could possibly have- even for my own son. In hindsight, it would have been at earlier signs of aggression toward me simply because after 2 or 3, it should have been clear that difficult child wasn't going to learn his lesson in this area without intervention and he couldn't cope with the least mention of this in family therapy without getting worse at home.
    Last edited: Mar 10, 2010
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Im sorry things are getting so ramped up. I do think its time for him to be some where he can be more closely monitored. Safety really has to be the line in the sand. He is getting to old now. Soon it will be taken out of your hands. Go the therapeutic route now before it ends up in the juvenile courts.
  8. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    I agree with the others.

    I have a hard time with the answers and tend to gloss it over as well, especially in the past when K was very violent. "Well she is a girl" "She is so young and I can still restrain her" "She is still remorseful"
    But now I have to look to the future for when and if these things happen as she gets older.
    I don't have the answers, and luckily she has not hurt us in a while.
    i know how easy it is to justify what our kids are doing. To just feel the relief when it is over.
    K is manic as well, her Teacher just stopped me this morning... She is also hurting the Dog again. So I have to never let her alone.

    I am scared for you. I am so so sorry you have do make these decisions.
  9. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    I am sorry. I am going thru the same issues. Daughter hospitalized this morning. I can't take the abuse anymore. Hang in there, it's so hard. Many, many hugs. I do agree, that when it's your child we dismiss the seriousness sometimes. I see myself doing that all the time.

    Hang in there, we are here.
  10. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Thank you everyone for your good thoughts and concern.

    I did talk to the psychiatrist's nurse today. I called at 8:30 this morning and the therapist had already called and left a message. The nurse called back this afternoon and says psychiatrist is holding the next open bed for difficult child.

    I have such mixed emotions. I do think this is a good move (especially listening to all of you and the therapist-both difficult child's and mine. However, husband is still not 100 % sure but is going along with it. I have questions myself as he has had two days with no complaints from school (other than manic like behavior) and had a great night at home tonight. In the past it was such an easier decision to hospitalize because he was so out of control almost all the time.

    on the other hand, I keep thinking this has been such a roller coaster time and I never know when the next big thing will happen and I am awfully tired of waiting for it. Hopefully this hospitalization will turn out to be worthwhile!
  11. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Glad there's a plan in place, Sharon. Remember to take care of yourself as well.
  12. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Hugs. I think hospitalization may be necessary, he sounds very out of control, and safety is important. For me with husband, and difficult child too I guess tho we have not had to go there, that is my line in the sand. If husband gets to the point where he puts us at danger, I will call 911 and have him transported to the hosptital, then page psychiatrist. husband's psychiatrist is aware and supports this. It sounds like you have good professionals involved, and that is so important. Make sure to take care of you, and of your relationships with easy child and husband. These times are so trying on all the family.
  13. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    Sharon -

    I have nothing to offer that hasn't already been said. Just wanted to send (((hugs))).
  14. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sharon, if you can get him hospitalized by the dr before it is all bad all the time that is so much better because if something really horrible happened because he suddenly just freaked out and did something bad, it might be that it happened away from home and they transported him to another hospital and it could be worse. It could also be that whatever difficult child did would be something that he would have to live with his whole life. Not just this threatened violence towards you. Pushing you down the stairs was horrible. If he pushed a fellow classmate down the stairs at school it would be even worse.