Sigh - guess that feeling of disappointment was not totally misplaced...

[toughlovin]

Hi all,

Well I guess my feelings yesterday were based on something. I got a call from the program today. They told me that as I predicted difficult child really really acted up over the weekend, dropping a lot of fbombs and being pretty defiant towards staff!!!!! And shoot he was so calm and nice to me over the phone!

Anyway they are not kicking him out as it is for that kind of issue that he is there.... but they are sympolically asking him to pack and to earn the ability to unpack. Makes sense to me. I told them that he can make a choice, make this work or end up back on the street and they are going to tell him I said that and I said ok!!!

I think they know what they are doing...they asked me about trauma history which I suspect but don't know anything. He needs to get at his underlying issues to figure this out and man I hope they can help him do that.

So we have a call on Wednesday......and I feel he is in the right place. And maybe it is still a good sign that he didn't beg me to help him or get him out of there?

TL

 

[FlowerGarden]

TL - keeping my fingers crossed that your feeling of him being in the right place is correct. Not asking you for help or to get him out of there is a great positive!

 

[rejectedmom]

Keeping everything crossed that he gets to unpack. -RM

 

[Kathy813]

TL, I think it is great that they see this as one of his issues and want to work through it with him. I like the idea of symbolically packing to remind him that he really has no alternatives.

Sounds like the right place to me!

~Kathy

 

[lovemysons]

Thinking of you and your son TL. I hope he makes this work.

Hugs,
LMS

 

[toughlovin]

Keep those thoughts coming. Had a call today with difficult child and the therapist and the family person.... boy difficult child is angry, oppositional and really difficult. At least they are seeing his behavior. He needs to really let them help him and he is so guarded and defended with his anger I am not sure he will let them... and if he isn't willing to do the work and keeps disobeying the rules he will end up getting kicked out... and then I am not sure there is anything we can do. Makes my stomach hurt.

TL

 

[Nancy]

Oh TL I'm sorry. What is he so angry about? Is it anger or does he want to use and what looks like anger is his physical cravings acting out? I know the feeling in the stomach you are talking about.

Nancy

 

[Elsieshaye]

(((((Toughlovin))))) I definitely understand that awful feeling in your stomach.

 

[buddy]

I can understand that too, that feeling....you just know something is not right. Glad though that they get it that he is where he needs to be. Hope he doesn't push that too far. He is safe for now, another day. HUGS

 

[toughlovin]

Nancy, I really don't think this is just cravings for drugs. It might very well be an edginess because he doesn't have drugs to dull his pain and he is having to have his feelings. He has always tended towards anger when he is having a hard time. But I also think this is the personality stuff.... his psychiatric issues are really showing and that is actually good. I think they are seeing him at his worst and that is how they will help him... as long as his behavior doesnt get so bad that they discharge him!!! I was thinking about the therapists over the years he has liked... and they would only see this knd of behavior when we were in the room, in other words they would see his attitude towards us but they never saw it themselves..... and as good as they were I think they missed a lot!! So my hope is that somehow here they will see it and be able to help him get to what is really going on with him..... I think he totally uses anger as a defense mechanism.

TL

 

[vligrl]

Oh, that knot in the stomach...Hope he steps back to see where he needs help and the walls come tumbling down tl.

 

[recoveringenabler]

I'm sorry TL, I also know that sick feeling in your stomach, I guess most of us do. I am sending you prayers for his recovery and warm wishes and hugs for your peace of mind..............

 

[exhausted]

When the psychiatric issues flare, it could mean progress and they might be able to help. My daughter is also struggling yet again...the anger and lack of self-regulation that flairs is scary. Mine makes rash decisions that cost her greatly. I hope they will support difficult child and help him see what is happenening and help him develop some skills to regulate these emotions. My difficult child has been taught-she just continues to deny coaching and use of the skills until she wants to. With my difficult child-these episodes usually only last a few hours, but in the RTCs they could last days. I hope they deal with the MH in a big way-that is the root to everything including the drug problem.

 

[Nancy]

I hope he deals with those anger issues now so that he can concentrate on recovery because we both know the sure road back to relapse is drowning those feelings in drugs or alcohol. If he would only realize that staying angry takes so much more energy than letting it go.

Nancy

 

[toughlovin]

Well progress is being made!!! Today I was thinking of how he hadn't called and the phone rang and it was him. We had a really good conversation. He said he is doing better, that he has a better attitude and had stopped being an a***ole to people. We asked how that felt and he said better. All in all he sounded pretty good really. He also said he had written both us and his sister a letter which we got today. I just read the letter which was written before that last call with the therapist. I have to say it is one of the most honest and open letters he has ever written. It is not realistic about his drug problems, but he does talk about his resentment to us but also does not blame us. His point, which is well taken, is that he really wants help with his mental health issues. He also really wants to get his life on track...... so there is some really good stuff in the letter although he clearly is not totally where he needs to be either. But both the letter and the conversatin give me hope. He is thinking about things and seems to want to work on things..... so we shall see. I know this is a roller coaster and we are on the upswing right now.... but I am bracing myself for the down part..... Been through this too much to be unrealistic.

Thanks for all of your support.

TL

 

[Calamity Jane]

TL,
What a nice post! I'm glad the phone rang while you were thinking of him, and that it was a decent conversation. One step at a time. Just keep being positive and encouraging, as I know you are. He has so much hard work to do, and a lot of stuff to process and work through that surely makes him ashamed. Once he deals with all that, hopefully he can get to the hard work of building up self worth again, and he seems to be in the right place for it. So glad for you today.