Sigh ran into an acquaintance....

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by toughlovin, Sep 15, 2012.

  1. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    at the grocery store. She is the mother of one of difficult children classmates growin up. We live in a small town so I know people have an idea of what is and has gone on with difficult child.... he posts all this stuff on fb so you know the kids know. So we stopped and chatted. She is not someone I know real well but have known her for years and she is a very nice person. First she asked about my easy child daughter and we had a nice chat about her. I asked about her kids who are all doing pretty well (but she is not the bragging type mom). Then she asked about difficult child... I kind of shook my head, said I wasnt totallys ure where he was, he was not doing well and there was nothing more I could do. She was very sympathetic and mentioned she had a sister like that so she totally understood. It was kind of nice really.... so many people out there do have a family member who are total difficult children and/or have substance abuse problems.

    However the whole thing triggered me with all my feelings about difficult child and his situation coming back and feelings of sadness and regret feel overwhelming. Before that I was really in a pretty good place so this sense of grief kind of took my by surprise. I know it will pass...... but thought I would share it with all of you because I know you all understand.

  2. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    {{{hugs}}} I know, it hurts. XO
  3. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I sure understand and wish you didn't have a clue about it. Hugs. DDD
  4. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    Sorry TL. It's as if we have difficult child-Mom PTSD. Memories, etc. come flooding back and it's not pretty.
  5. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    I understand too. It is painfully hard to "go there" and try and explain to others where our difficult child's lives have gotten them so far. The grief can come flooding back.

    ps...I am listening to the song "simple man" by Lynard Skynard. Reflecting on singing it to young difficult child one morning on the way to school when he was around 15 yrs old. To see him in prison now...My heart hurts today too.
  6. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I sure do understand. Just this week I ran into two people who asked about difficult child and I said basically the same thing you did. Sometimes I stumble and don't know what to say. I have to come up with a stock answer for everyone. Then last night husband came home from a business trip and said he ran into his former business partner's wife at the airport who we knew really well and entertained with them. She asked about difficult child and he gave her an abbreviated recap and she told him she understood because her nephew committed suicide recently and they have been through a difficult time.

    It does bring up sad memories, we think we have it tucked away and it jumps out at us every so often.

  7. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    Been there, too. I know how hard it is. All we can do sometimes is accept and acknowledge the hurt and then do our best to keep moving on.

    Many hugs,
  8. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I have found that to be true, too. Once I started opening up to other people about our problems with difficult child, they all seemed to have a relative that had substance abuse and/or mental health issues also.

    When people that I know only as acquaintances ask me about difficult child, I usually make a joke about her trying to find herself and that if it doesn't happen soon, it might kill me. They laugh and move on to another topic. With people I am close to, I just tell them the truth.
  9. Tiredof33

    Tiredof33 Active Member

    It is very hard! I have a relative that has never met my difficult child and she loves to follow his FB posts lol!!! His dark poems and posts of suicidal thoughts always bring remarks from her.

    I avoid the subject of my difficult child with people that are just looking for fodder for gossip at family get togethers ( or any other get together for that matter). This relative had to talk to me about my difficult child at a funeral for a cousin that committed suicide.

    Are these types as clueless to our pain as they pretend to be??

    (((huggs and blessings for us all)))