Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by toughlovin, Jul 24, 2011.

  1. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Hi all,

    Well I have not heard from my son in a few days which always worries me....he did not respond to whether he got this apartment or not... I have been a little worried about the money we gave him but the check had not yet been cashed which was good. I am getting better at being patient and just waiting but it is hard still....

    So today I got a call from the person running in the sober house he was at in another state. Apparently he called there last night and asked if they had a bed that he missed them and needed to get out of here. She asked him if he wanted her to call me and he said yes. So I was hopeful this morning that maybe he had reached bottom and was actually going to go back there of his own free will.. At least he reached out when he was having a hard time and was very upset.

    So I texted him today.... he didn't respond at first but finally did text me and tell me he is moving into the apartment here. If he is going to stay here that is a good thing. I suspect when he was down and out last night he had probably been drunk when he called them.... although they did not confirm that at all.

    So I don't know... leaves me hanging which I guess I just need to get used to. I did text him back after he told me about the apartment.. a couple of simple questions and a comment about how I had been thinking about him and nothing back... sigh.

    I guess I have to hold on to the fact that at least he had moments where he reached out for help......and continue to hope that he is ok. And that at least he may have a better place to live.
  2. elizabrary

    elizabrary Member

    I'm sorry- limbo is the worst place to be. When I'm there not knowng what's going on my mind creates the most awful scenarios. I try my best to keep crazy busy during those times. Even simple things like deep cleaning the house help keep my mind off my worries and help wear me out so I can get a little sleep. Hang in there! I know how hard it is.
  3. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    Addiction is total h*ll to watch from the sidelines.
  4. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Did you ask him about the sober house calling you? He said it was ok if they did so he knows you know. I'm interested to hear what he says about it. I think both those things are good things, he reached out for help and he also spent the money on the apartment to better his living arrangement. It may take him some time to decide to go back to rehab, but he is thinking about it and that is good.

  5. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    I did ask via text but he has not responded which just frustrates me. All he said was he was moving into the apt.... no more info or contact. I hate that he chooses when to respond to me and only does so when he needs something. It is good he is thinking about it and it is good he reaches out when he is hurting. I just wish he would reach out to me!!!! I need to just keep living my life though and he is going to do what he is going to do.... I need to keep reminding myself there is really nothing more I can do. At least he told the sober house person we are getting along..... LOL that is because i am not asking anything of him and he can ignore me when he wants to. I am thankful he is not living at home, that would be much worse.
  6. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    I'm right there wi th you, my friend.
  7. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    I am hopeful that your son reaching out for help...even temporarily, is a Good sign.
    I think he is trying to handle things on his own...which is also Good.

    He seems to be learning to take responsibility for himself. As you know, my young difficult child is 22 with a wife and 2 beautiful children and still isn't taking care of his own needs, behavior, choices...let alone a family. I see signs of hope with yours though.

  8. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    There are signs of hope and I am holding on to those.... but the fact is I really don't know and that can drive me crazy... I am trying to not let it do that. My worry is that his lack of communication is a way to avoid lying to me... that he is back using seriously, that somehow he did not move to an apt.... that ??? . So I just have to let it go and I know from checking the phone records that he is talking and texting and so therefore is alive and he will get in touch when he wants something from us.

    There is a strange comfort into him being on probation... one it helps remind him that he does not want to end up back and jail so motivates him to stay out of trouble, and two if he gets way off track he will end up in jail which might be safter than him being out there way off track.