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Silly me thinking I would get a thank you.......
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 645575" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>I hear you Tanya. I think there is a distinction between teenage and young adult unconsciousness which can improve as they get older and their brains mature........ and <em>our kids</em> who are in their 30's and 40's. No excuses really work once they are over a certain age.</p><p></p><p>I found in my dealings with my difficult child daughter that as I insisted on being treated with appreciation and did not put up with any more of her shenanigans, she actually changed. To the degree that I insisted on better behavior, she rose to the occasion each and every time. I don't think that always happens, but it did happen with me. It was as if I had trained her to not see me, respect me and appreciate me by <em><u>allowing </u></em>that behavior......I can see that I did that, and when I stopped doing that, she stopped acting badly. As I said, I don't think that is the case with all of our difficult child's, some will never change regardless of how much we insist on better behavior. </p><p></p><p>For me boundaries around negative behavior which doesn't respect or honor me was something I had to learn to do. I didn't know that when I was raising my daughter and as a result, I allowed her to continue with behaviors that were disrespectful to me. Once I learned to change that, everything changed. Not only with her, but with everyone. I had to build those boundaries around myself and once they were built, I became protected against any behavior at all that was not in alignment with honoring myself. It is a miracle how much that changed my own life. And, in regard to my daughter, who is still a huge difficult child, however, now she appreciates me, sees me, is present and engaged around me..........and it seems, then goes right back to her difficult child ways in the world. But........the relationship she and I have has improved dramatically.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 645575, member: 13542"] I hear you Tanya. I think there is a distinction between teenage and young adult unconsciousness which can improve as they get older and their brains mature........ and [I]our kids[/I] who are in their 30's and 40's. No excuses really work once they are over a certain age. I found in my dealings with my difficult child daughter that as I insisted on being treated with appreciation and did not put up with any more of her shenanigans, she actually changed. To the degree that I insisted on better behavior, she rose to the occasion each and every time. I don't think that always happens, but it did happen with me. It was as if I had trained her to not see me, respect me and appreciate me by [I][U]allowing [/U][/I]that behavior......I can see that I did that, and when I stopped doing that, she stopped acting badly. As I said, I don't think that is the case with all of our difficult child's, some will never change regardless of how much we insist on better behavior. For me boundaries around negative behavior which doesn't respect or honor me was something I had to learn to do. I didn't know that when I was raising my daughter and as a result, I allowed her to continue with behaviors that were disrespectful to me. Once I learned to change that, everything changed. Not only with her, but with everyone. I had to build those boundaries around myself and once they were built, I became protected against any behavior at all that was not in alignment with honoring myself. It is a miracle how much that changed my own life. And, in regard to my daughter, who is still a huge difficult child, however, now she appreciates me, sees me, is present and engaged around me..........and it seems, then goes right back to her difficult child ways in the world. But........the relationship she and I have has improved dramatically. [/QUOTE]
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