Silly Question/Semi Vent

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Nomad, Jul 31, 2009.

  1. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    This is so silly, as to be a little embarassing. I'm not really upset..more curious. I KNOW tomorrow, it will be history for me.
    I'm curious if this has happened to others (my guess is that it has, and what your thoughts on it is).
    I wanted to gain access to a company for a variety of reasons. It is large corporation. One idea I had, was in reference to a volunteer position.
    It's really a long story...and the details are not important.
    husband has a relative who works there. I had no idea who to call to ask my questions. So, I asked this relative if she knew who I should call, since she works there. She said she did and that if I liked, she would make some calls on my behalf and then get back to me.
    I hesitated at first, but then thought that this might be a good idea and said "okay."
    A week later, she emailed me and wrote "I've been really busy, hopefully, I can make those calls on Monday."
    I wrote her back and said that I was really appreciative and was looking forward to hearing from her. I also said that if she found her schedule too busy, to let me know and I would just make the calls myself.
    Another 4-5 days went by.
    Soooo....I went ahead and made the calls myself.
    I wrote her and thanked her for "Offering to make the calls," and told her that I made the calls myself.

    Here is my thought....husband says that I'm one in a million....
    Sure, I "get it" that sometimes one of two things happen
    1. WE say things we don't really mean
    2. We get really busy or bogged down and don't have all the time to do the things we wish to do

    However, don't you think it is unfair to the other person to leave them in the balance why you get your act together? You can't say one thing and then do another or nothing?

    I certainly would rather a person say to me..."I'm sorry, the situation has changed." or "I made a mistake." ANYTHING.

    Folks, just don't have guts...integrity...something...WHAT?

    Okay, semi vent over.

    Has this happened to you? And if you do this kind of thing...STOP!

    OUt of my system...many thanks guys.
  2. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Wow, if I tell someone I'll do something and then can't... I apologize and, if possible, ask if there is something else I can do.

    I don't like to be left hanging, so I don't do that to others either if I can help it!
  3. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    People get busy and/or forget. Sure, it's happened to all of us and I understand, that's why I do most things like this myself. I get too annoyed when others don't fall into my time table....which isn't fair to them or to me.

  4. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    Suz, there was a time element to the calls that she was aware of from the beginning. I think 9-10 days is long. When I emailed her and suggested that perhaps she was busy and I could go ahead an make those calls myself, she did not reply. I think if she didn't want to do this in a timely manner (time element) or was busy, there is no shame and I have no issues at all with this. I agree, it is best to do these things ourselves. She made the offer, seemed to want to do it, etc. I did try to politely get us both out of this, but she did not respond to my previous email when I made the inquiry. Sooooo...I tried to make a make sure it was fair for her and me. That is what is bugging me. Not sure what that was all about. It just ended up being a rather silly situation. I'm appreciative of her original intentions. by the way, when I called myself, I got the information I needed rather all worked out in the end.

    Thank you Step2.
    Lasted edited by : Jul 31, 2009
  5. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    I have a couple of thoughts on this.
    1) there are a group of people who seem to say anything at the moment and seldom follow through. Those are the one's who I do not take seriously of their offers to help. I have a sweet sister who is notorious for never following through. She makes excuses but she almost never folows through.

    2) people who are busy forget.

    3)Changed their minds about the offer to help.

    I agree that she shirked the responsibility to either make the calls or let you know. There are a multitude of reasons.
    I'm like Suz, I don't really want to involve others because they aren't as vested in the project as I am. So I do it myself.
  6. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    The lesson learned is it is almost always best to do these things ourselves.

    Interestingly, when I checked with- some folks in business, they said it was probably best to get the contact "first."

    However, there was the time element factor and that was a complication.

    So, friends tell me I was wise to try to go through her, but not if she was going to take too long.

    Normally, I would NOT have taken her up on her offer, but because of the size of this company and the number of people trying to get through, I thought it might be better to have a contact.

    I did my best to politely help her walk away from it all...felt weird to be left hanging. Yes Fran, there are a multitude of reasons that this could of happened.

    by the way...she does have issues with- follow through...its been mostly very small things in the past. This was more concerning. And like your sister, she is a sweet girl.

    Thank you for your understanding. IT is an odd thing for a variety of reasons...but I appreciate her original thought and also your response.
  7. Star*

    Star* call 911

    I don't think it's a silly question. If you offer - you are in essence giving me your word that you will do something for me, you've committed and in my mind - problem solved. I've mentally crossed it off my list, given it an approximate due date and expect a reply.

    When a response isn't seen? I guess you could say I'm unforgiving. I'll call, I'll ask for the response you promised me - your word...and if you tell me you forgot, it slipped your mind - to me you are saying that you listened to what I said, butted in to solve my problem, and are now telling me I wasn't that important. It makes me feel unimportant.

    In this instance she volunteered - whatever the excuse was - she dropped the ball and owes you an apology.

    Had you GONE to her and said "I need a favor." Then she forgot? Different story. That is an imposition on YOUR part. Maybe you didn't ask what she had on her plate and she was too busy, but didn't want to say no - and truly did forget. In that case I would NOT be upset and would not feel unimportant. I would feel ashamed for not asking my friend if I had been a better friend and asked if she was really too busy to help me at that time.

    So, at this point I think you 'could" go to her and ask her if you could speak to her - if you consider her friendship valuable and keepable and tell her that you do consider her a good friend and tell her how she made you feel. For you to post about it- I think you are hurt. If she's not a good friend and you don't plan on seeing her again - consider yourself lucky that this was a minor infraction and the next time she butts in to solve your problems just politely say "Oh not necessary I have it handled, but thank you for the offer." ;)