Back in January or so, I had a somewhat lengthy conversation with husband's sister. The subject of us maintaining contact with her ex came up. She said she was very angry with us for that decision. I said it wasn't a decision to choose sides; it was a decision made to keep two young girls who had been raised together - together. Granted we don't see the ex often now that they have moved, but we talk to them often, and we see them 2-4 times per year and everyone looks forward to it. *** We do not flaunt this to husband's sister in any way. I even set restrictions on public access photos so that she doesn't see anything that relates to them. *** The difficulty came with husband's sister after the ex left. We didn't agree with her choices for both herself and her son, and felt that with kids of an impressionable age, to pretend it wasn't an issue would send a message to our kids that we accepted those choices. She repeatedly invited us to join her on outings; she drank like a fish, got arrested for drunk driving, routinely invited us out with her on a Saturday night to the bar and encouraged us to take the kids, etc. Not that we didn't like to be with her, it just wasn't our kind of thing; the ex had a young daughter the same age as cultured difficult child and tended to do family-oriented things. husband's sister's son, the same age as my boys, was smoking pot. She knew it and didn't care. husband confronted him one night that he was somewhere he wasn't supposed to be and she got mad at husband. Those sorts of things just lead us to go our separate ways, really. *** She lives in a trailer behind The Brooms on their property. She works part time (by choice) at a restaurant, frequents the bars every weekend, and largely is supported by husband's parents (they regularly pay for her groceries and she doesn't have enough money). I have just chosen to largely keep my distance from all of them. husband isn't as distant, but he doesn't "hang out" with his sister, either. In my book, it is not ok to let your kids smoke pot. Nor is it ok to drag them to the bar all the time. Once in a while, sure, but it was like all the time. I don't mind drinking in front of the kids. I think its an opportunity to show them responsibility...but enuf on that. *** Her son was drunk at a wedding 18 months or so ago and hit a parked car. Before he took off, he told the owner of the car he'd hit that his name was easy child 1. easy child 1 has forgiven him. I have not. He is 23 years old and lost his college scholarship money due to drugs and alcohol. Not major, but enough to lose his education. Two Brooms paid his tuition at college and he dropped out mid term. He has been employed about half of the time since he graduated high school, and most of those jobs he's been fired from. He has routinely lied to the family about why he's not working. And back in October, when husband's car had an unfixable mechanical failure and he had borrowed the Broom's pickup for a week while the car was in the shop being diagnosed, this kid called husband and told him he needed the truck for 3 days so he could fix his car, and just came and got it. Left his car in our yard. We ended up buying a car, but its a good darned thing, cause this kid is still driving that truck. His car was in our yard until February. I believe he has learned to treat us the same way the Brooms treat us, and I wasn't going to stand for it. I think he may be turning things around, but then again, he's still driving the Broom's truck and he's jobless again....tho he is supposedly leaving for the air force on Sunday. *** I'm not dumb enough to think my kids have never done anything wrong, never drank, or smoke pot. I just don't sit around and say its fine. So far, both boys have been gainfully employed and largely support themselves (easy child 1 doesn't have his own place, per se, but he pays rent and all of his own bills, including his groceries.) *** But this past weekend, at nephew's going away party, I wondered if I was being too harsh about it all. When I go back and take inventory of why I feel the way I do, I feel justified, but I would really just prefer to call it water under the bridge and move forward. But then husband's sister, who hates me because I won't hate her ex, informed me she was going to call cultured difficult child's mom and arrange to take cultured difficult child to TX with them for nephew's graduation. I don't think she really intended to ask us. And its the same time as our annual vacation. And it just ticked me off all over again...she wants us to hate her ex...yet she has maintained a friendly relationship with husband's ex just for this purpose? What's the difference???? I don't hate her for it, but I am angry that she thinks its ok to just ask mom and not get input from us, particularly when its taking her away from our annual family vacation! *** I guess I just wish we could be a 'family' without the drama. Wishful thinking. *** Just needed to say it, I guess. Never been involved in a family that was so...ugly to each other. And never been involved in so many people at odds. They are always bad mouthing each other to one another....Two Broom's gripes about sister to husband, I'm sure she gripes about husband to sister...they all gripe about Two Brooms. Nephew despises Two Brooms. Two Brooms can't stand how nephew lies and uses her, yet she gives in to him over and over and over. Heck, they all just use and use and use Two Brooms...I dunno...I just don't like being ugly with them, but I don't know how else to deal with them. Just venting, I guess.