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Since the topic came up, do you feel you were too harsh with your child as a child?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 623430" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Bits, you're right. Each child reacts differently to how they are parented. Ever read "A Child Called It?" I cried through the entire book a nd don't know how I finished it, but I did. Then I even read the sequels. Even after the horrible abuse he endured, he grew up to be a responsible man and caring father. So parenting is not like a math problem where there is one answer only.</p><p></p><p>I do think genetics is a part of it. Partly I feel that way (and it is only because of my own observations) because my children are not genetically related but were raised the same way. 36 is my biological son and the rest were adopted and are not biological siblings. And Scott did not even join our family or come to this country until he was six so his personality was basically formed by then and we were not a good match for his particularly talents and values. 36 was a problem from about one year of age. He was a very good baby until he was let loose on society and his peers. None of the other kids were mean, but he seemed to need to be in charge and to hurt anyone who dared try to even win a game he was playing with another child. Sonic, Jumper and Julie were very sweet from "Gotcha Day" (adoption term for the wonderful day we met and joined hearts). Scott was functional, bright, and aloof.</p><p></p><p>Bits, there is no one answer to why our children become difficult children. If Dave Pelzer, from "A Child Called It" can grow up to become a responsible husband and loving father, then even excessive abuse does not guarantee the person will become a difficult child. If I actually think about it, it's puzzling that 36 is far less capable than Dave Pelzer. Yet it's not. He was definitely coddled and excuses were made for him until his teen years when his behavior included the bizarre and violent. And still, his father and I felt he needed help and boundaries be damned because he had mental health issues.</p><p></p><p>I was in a psychiatric hospital for depression. I was actually in three times, two for bad medication reactions, one for severe depression. Suicidal depression. The patients are given VERY STRICT boundaries in a psychiatric hospital and there is definite discipline for breaking the rules. I remember watching two grown patients fight. Both were dismissed from the hospital. Violence was not tolerated. I guess, looking back, if even professionals hold psychiatric patients in a hospital accountable for how they behave, maybe I should have been a little less lenient on 36. Maybe it would have helped him have better boundaries and self-control today. Maybe not.</p><p></p><p>None of my other kids, including Scott, got either verbally or physically violent. Julie broke a window with her hand once when she was high, but even during her drug days, she refrained from calling us names or threatening us physically. You could always see the sweet girl behind the drugs.</p><p></p><p>We all did the very, very best we could and knew. I believe our difficult children are just born with differences that can be triggered by almost anything. I do not think any of us on this board ever set out to create a difficult child and I think we all love our difficult children very much.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 623430, member: 1550"] Bits, you're right. Each child reacts differently to how they are parented. Ever read "A Child Called It?" I cried through the entire book a nd don't know how I finished it, but I did. Then I even read the sequels. Even after the horrible abuse he endured, he grew up to be a responsible man and caring father. So parenting is not like a math problem where there is one answer only. I do think genetics is a part of it. Partly I feel that way (and it is only because of my own observations) because my children are not genetically related but were raised the same way. 36 is my biological son and the rest were adopted and are not biological siblings. And Scott did not even join our family or come to this country until he was six so his personality was basically formed by then and we were not a good match for his particularly talents and values. 36 was a problem from about one year of age. He was a very good baby until he was let loose on society and his peers. None of the other kids were mean, but he seemed to need to be in charge and to hurt anyone who dared try to even win a game he was playing with another child. Sonic, Jumper and Julie were very sweet from "Gotcha Day" (adoption term for the wonderful day we met and joined hearts). Scott was functional, bright, and aloof. Bits, there is no one answer to why our children become difficult children. If Dave Pelzer, from "A Child Called It" can grow up to become a responsible husband and loving father, then even excessive abuse does not guarantee the person will become a difficult child. If I actually think about it, it's puzzling that 36 is far less capable than Dave Pelzer. Yet it's not. He was definitely coddled and excuses were made for him until his teen years when his behavior included the bizarre and violent. And still, his father and I felt he needed help and boundaries be damned because he had mental health issues. I was in a psychiatric hospital for depression. I was actually in three times, two for bad medication reactions, one for severe depression. Suicidal depression. The patients are given VERY STRICT boundaries in a psychiatric hospital and there is definite discipline for breaking the rules. I remember watching two grown patients fight. Both were dismissed from the hospital. Violence was not tolerated. I guess, looking back, if even professionals hold psychiatric patients in a hospital accountable for how they behave, maybe I should have been a little less lenient on 36. Maybe it would have helped him have better boundaries and self-control today. Maybe not. None of my other kids, including Scott, got either verbally or physically violent. Julie broke a window with her hand once when she was high, but even during her drug days, she refrained from calling us names or threatening us physically. You could always see the sweet girl behind the drugs. We all did the very, very best we could and knew. I believe our difficult children are just born with differences that can be triggered by almost anything. I do not think any of us on this board ever set out to create a difficult child and I think we all love our difficult children very much. [/QUOTE]
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Since the topic came up, do you feel you were too harsh with your child as a child?
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