Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
General Discussions
Family of Origin
Singing the Bones: Recovering the Self
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 664098" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>It is actually controversial. Some people have a higher potential than others. It isn't just the drugs in my opinion.</p><p></p><p>Now I'm going to play a hypothetical scenario.</p><p></p><p>Pretend I was adopted into the family of a doctor and a college professor, being the me that I am with my limitations.The parents wanted me to be a high achiever, but my limitations made MY level of high achievement unacceptable to them. My above average, but not honor roll level grades were not accomplished myself. They were only achieved due to their tutoring and interest (which can help) still did not make me an "A" student.But all that hard work just to get me at an above average level with GREAT for my potential, but disappointed my parents and, of course, I knew it. It made me feel like an outsider and very sad. (Haha, I'm going off topic for a second to say I actually felt this way in myFOO, but not due to my grades, although they were bad. Ok, I digress....back to the hypothetical story...)</p><p></p><p>Now in this family, what if, due to learning disabilities, I needed assistance even to get a certificate in a community college. And the father is disappointed, even though he doesn't say it and mother is fed up and sure if I tried harder I could do a Maser's Degree in something and wishes she had been able to conceive a brilliant child...I am a disappointment, although I got my certificate and am an LPN planning to be a nurse, but that isn't enough for them.</p><p></p><p>The story was over. I hope you all got the point. Everyone has a level of potential that they can exceed, but not by THAT much. If you have average intelligence, you may be able to teach, but you won't be a surgeon. Yes, some people have more potential than others. It's not politically correct to say so, but it's true.</p><p></p><p>Now in the land of reality, before we actually adopted any child. I was told that middle class, average IQ people were the best adoptive parents. Many high achievers with lots of success and money to adopt do adopt. Many are disappointed if thier child can not achieve what they feel a biological child would have achieved. There is a secret...some people are sorry they adopted. Copa, this is NOT you and me, but I know people from my parent group who are sorry. Mostly they feel their kids are failtures.Some are. Most are very much like their birthtparents, often the parents they have never met. They were given every opportunity to thrive, but they didn't.</p><p></p><p>Many of us with adoptive kids have met the birthparents and are shocked at how much, including gestures, our birthchildren are like the birthparents that didn't rasise them.</p><p></p><p>Not everyone is wired to be able to graduate college or grad school or become a doctor.</p><p></p><p>It is easy to feel disappointed if one believes that nurture trumps nature, something I never believed and never will.</p><p></p><p>This post has no point except that if nature trumps nurture, and I feel it does (others disagree) then when we look at how our kids have turned out, often we sadly have to look at the father whom we had the chilc with who was not a high achiever or the birthparents of our adopted children or our own FOO and their deficits, which are painful to see in our own kids.</p><p></p><p>Obviously nurture and enviroment plays a role too. Identical twins prove that. However, my own feeling, which could be wrong, but I don't think so in MY mind, is that nature is the most potent of all, which is why so many of our kids do not live up to what WE achieved. They are t heir birthfathers whom they never met but share DNA. They are their adoptive parents in IQ potential. They are our relatives whom we don't like to discuss.</p><p></p><p>Food for thought only. No definitive proof here of anything either way.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Man</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 664098, member: 1550"] It is actually controversial. Some people have a higher potential than others. It isn't just the drugs in my opinion. Now I'm going to play a hypothetical scenario. Pretend I was adopted into the family of a doctor and a college professor, being the me that I am with my limitations.The parents wanted me to be a high achiever, but my limitations made MY level of high achievement unacceptable to them. My above average, but not honor roll level grades were not accomplished myself. They were only achieved due to their tutoring and interest (which can help) still did not make me an "A" student.But all that hard work just to get me at an above average level with GREAT for my potential, but disappointed my parents and, of course, I knew it. It made me feel like an outsider and very sad. (Haha, I'm going off topic for a second to say I actually felt this way in myFOO, but not due to my grades, although they were bad. Ok, I digress....back to the hypothetical story...) Now in this family, what if, due to learning disabilities, I needed assistance even to get a certificate in a community college. And the father is disappointed, even though he doesn't say it and mother is fed up and sure if I tried harder I could do a Maser's Degree in something and wishes she had been able to conceive a brilliant child...I am a disappointment, although I got my certificate and am an LPN planning to be a nurse, but that isn't enough for them. The story was over. I hope you all got the point. Everyone has a level of potential that they can exceed, but not by THAT much. If you have average intelligence, you may be able to teach, but you won't be a surgeon. Yes, some people have more potential than others. It's not politically correct to say so, but it's true. Now in the land of reality, before we actually adopted any child. I was told that middle class, average IQ people were the best adoptive parents. Many high achievers with lots of success and money to adopt do adopt. Many are disappointed if thier child can not achieve what they feel a biological child would have achieved. There is a secret...some people are sorry they adopted. Copa, this is NOT you and me, but I know people from my parent group who are sorry. Mostly they feel their kids are failtures.Some are. Most are very much like their birthtparents, often the parents they have never met. They were given every opportunity to thrive, but they didn't. Many of us with adoptive kids have met the birthparents and are shocked at how much, including gestures, our birthchildren are like the birthparents that didn't rasise them. Not everyone is wired to be able to graduate college or grad school or become a doctor. It is easy to feel disappointed if one believes that nurture trumps nature, something I never believed and never will. This post has no point except that if nature trumps nurture, and I feel it does (others disagree) then when we look at how our kids have turned out, often we sadly have to look at the father whom we had the chilc with who was not a high achiever or the birthparents of our adopted children or our own FOO and their deficits, which are painful to see in our own kids. Obviously nurture and enviroment plays a role too. Identical twins prove that. However, my own feeling, which could be wrong, but I don't think so in MY mind, is that nature is the most potent of all, which is why so many of our kids do not live up to what WE achieved. They are t heir birthfathers whom they never met but share DNA. They are their adoptive parents in IQ potential. They are our relatives whom we don't like to discuss. Food for thought only. No definitive proof here of anything either way. Man [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
General Discussions
Family of Origin
Singing the Bones: Recovering the Self
Top