Hi all, I’m new to this site, thank you for accepting me. I’ve been googling this problem but can’t seem to find a similar issue and hoping you can advise me how best to support my sister.
My sister is 57 and has lived with her partner for 14 years. He has a 23yr old daughter and a 16yr son, Jake, who live mostly with their bio mum but stay over regularly. There are no issues with the step-daughter. Jake has started to stay more often.
My sister is currently staying with me on and off and has been in a distressed state, but finding her situation at home intolerable. She is a loving and giving person, who as a nurse always puts others before herself. I hate to see her so upset.
Jake’s behaviour has become increasingly disrespectful over the years and he is dismissive of her using the foulest of language on a regular basis.
His main hobby when he stays is playing video games, which seem to have become quite violent and he is regularly heard screaming and shouting in his room. Jake’s dad has not provided any boundaries and hasn’t challenged him about the way he talks to my sis. Jake was diagnosed several years ago with ADHD and taking medication. Since his early school years he has had behavioural problems at school including aggressive behaviour, a lot of which has been excused because of the diagnosis. In the past he has introduced himself ‘I’m Jake, I’ve got ADHD.’
My sis recently disclosed that Jake came into her bedroom when his dad was not there and touched her under the bedclothes. When she woke with a fright, he denied it, saying he was stroking the cat who was on the bed. There were 5 further bedroom visits when he lifted her bed covers.
My sister talked to her partner about it but he says she must’ve imagined it, and doesn’t believe his son would do such a thing. Instead her partner deflected it by saying Jake told him she was stealing money from his room and also made up lies about things my sister had said about his mother.
Her partner says he wants them to sort it out, in a ‘sweep it under the carpet’ sort of way.
As it stands, my sister comes to stay with me whenever Jake comes home. Her partner says he can come home whenever he wants and is highly irritated that she keeps coming to stay with me. She’s backwards and forwards like a yo-yo. Not only feeling afraid of Jake’s lies and behaviour, but of not being believed by her partner.
My sister is heartbroken, she loves her partner and doesn’t know how to move forward. By the way, I fully believe my sister.
Thanks so much for reading, and I welcome your comments and advice.
My sister is 57 and has lived with her partner for 14 years. He has a 23yr old daughter and a 16yr son, Jake, who live mostly with their bio mum but stay over regularly. There are no issues with the step-daughter. Jake has started to stay more often.
My sister is currently staying with me on and off and has been in a distressed state, but finding her situation at home intolerable. She is a loving and giving person, who as a nurse always puts others before herself. I hate to see her so upset.
Jake’s behaviour has become increasingly disrespectful over the years and he is dismissive of her using the foulest of language on a regular basis.
His main hobby when he stays is playing video games, which seem to have become quite violent and he is regularly heard screaming and shouting in his room. Jake’s dad has not provided any boundaries and hasn’t challenged him about the way he talks to my sis. Jake was diagnosed several years ago with ADHD and taking medication. Since his early school years he has had behavioural problems at school including aggressive behaviour, a lot of which has been excused because of the diagnosis. In the past he has introduced himself ‘I’m Jake, I’ve got ADHD.’
My sis recently disclosed that Jake came into her bedroom when his dad was not there and touched her under the bedclothes. When she woke with a fright, he denied it, saying he was stroking the cat who was on the bed. There were 5 further bedroom visits when he lifted her bed covers.
My sister talked to her partner about it but he says she must’ve imagined it, and doesn’t believe his son would do such a thing. Instead her partner deflected it by saying Jake told him she was stealing money from his room and also made up lies about things my sister had said about his mother.
Her partner says he wants them to sort it out, in a ‘sweep it under the carpet’ sort of way.
As it stands, my sister comes to stay with me whenever Jake comes home. Her partner says he can come home whenever he wants and is highly irritated that she keeps coming to stay with me. She’s backwards and forwards like a yo-yo. Not only feeling afraid of Jake’s lies and behaviour, but of not being believed by her partner.
My sister is heartbroken, she loves her partner and doesn’t know how to move forward. By the way, I fully believe my sister.
Thanks so much for reading, and I welcome your comments and advice.