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Sister out of house, what rights do we have with her stuff?
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<blockquote data-quote="hamsterdance" data-source="post: 714700" data-attributes="member: 22048"><p>Well... the conclusion I came to is that I need to let my parents sort it out.</p><p></p><p>They're the ones that lived with her for 20 years. They need time to go through things and sort them out in their own way.</p><p></p><p>By offering to step in and try to act as a mediator to sort through her things and organize them and such... I realize I'm sort of depriving them of an avenue of closure.</p><p></p><p>I mean.. for me... the reality of my sister being out of the house and having no other options then what the state or streets could provide her didn't really hit home until I was at their house staring at her room and just taking it all in, and seeing how my parents were trying to deal with the situation (like "no big deal, just take some stuff").</p><p></p><p>It had been 2 weeks between when my sister was hauled away by the police to when I went to their house and spoke with my parents and saw her room and really got into the situation.</p><p></p><p>And I think I felt like maybe my parents were shutting down their feelings and distancing themselves from everything and maybe I needed to step in and help.</p><p></p><p>But, over the past couple of days... what I realized I needed to do was just let them deal with this on their own... mostly so they have to deal with it and it can be a coping mechanism for them.</p><p></p><p>My dad is very aloof about it all right now, but I know him. After the conversation I had with him I know he's going to take his time making decisions now, and while my sister is not allowed back in the house he's still an advocate for her. He still has her well-being in mind. He's going to sort through her things, get rid of the trash she's collected, box up stuff to keep, etc. I think that's something he needs to do, and he can get my mom's input on it... and it's just something they need to do as part of a way to come to terms with what the past 20 years has led to. As a realization factor I guess.</p><p></p><p>I wanted to jump in and help and try to solve some problem I saw.. by taking on this burden and dealing with it so they could stay aloof and distanced. But, I feel now that would just deprive them of a slow, methodical activity (cleaning out her room) that could give them some kind of closure on something.</p><p></p><p>My dad has this saying "when your hands get tired your brain goes to work".</p><p></p><p>He uses that a lot when we're working on something tedious, and when you get tired of doing it the hard way you sit down and try to think up an easier way to do it.</p><p></p><p>Well... I think that's what cleaning out my sister's room could do for my mom and dad... if they're the ones that take the time cleaning it all up.. they're going to get tired (there's a LOT of stuff).. and he's old, so he works for a bit then sits down and takes a break.. and that's the time when his brain will go to work and he'll mull over what's happened, take time to think it over... after he's worked out the frustration from physical labor, I think he'll have more clarity on the situation, come to better terms with it, make better decisions... and realize that rushing to haul all her stuff out isn't the answer. I think he felt that the sooner they got rid of her stuff, the less likely they would be inclined to bring he back home. But, I know for sure they're not bringing her back home this time. I need to give them space and time to work through her room and by doing so to work through everything they've gone through for 20 years and have their moment of clarity and come to terms with things.</p><p></p><p>It's just one of those situations where you want to be there for someone and you feel like you need to do something... but there's not much you can do. So you feel helpless. and it's frustrating.</p><p></p><p>I think a lot of what *I* was going through was the cathartic purge of all the anger and stress I had built up and bottled up over the years from dealing with my sister, hearing about what she's doing, hearing about how at every turn she decided to make poor choices that didn't help her situation, etc, etc.</p><p></p><p>I really got through a lot of that by just writing an epic ****-ton of posts on here. LOL</p><p></p><p>I had a good purge and cry. I spoke with my parents and advised them on how they need to step back on the situation and look at it from all angles (legal) and not just "parent / child".</p><p></p><p>So, now I need to just step back and let them have time to work through things...physically with the room which will hopefully help them work through mentally and emotionally as well... and not deprive them of that.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hamsterdance, post: 714700, member: 22048"] Well... the conclusion I came to is that I need to let my parents sort it out. They're the ones that lived with her for 20 years. They need time to go through things and sort them out in their own way. By offering to step in and try to act as a mediator to sort through her things and organize them and such... I realize I'm sort of depriving them of an avenue of closure. I mean.. for me... the reality of my sister being out of the house and having no other options then what the state or streets could provide her didn't really hit home until I was at their house staring at her room and just taking it all in, and seeing how my parents were trying to deal with the situation (like "no big deal, just take some stuff"). It had been 2 weeks between when my sister was hauled away by the police to when I went to their house and spoke with my parents and saw her room and really got into the situation. And I think I felt like maybe my parents were shutting down their feelings and distancing themselves from everything and maybe I needed to step in and help. But, over the past couple of days... what I realized I needed to do was just let them deal with this on their own... mostly so they have to deal with it and it can be a coping mechanism for them. My dad is very aloof about it all right now, but I know him. After the conversation I had with him I know he's going to take his time making decisions now, and while my sister is not allowed back in the house he's still an advocate for her. He still has her well-being in mind. He's going to sort through her things, get rid of the trash she's collected, box up stuff to keep, etc. I think that's something he needs to do, and he can get my mom's input on it... and it's just something they need to do as part of a way to come to terms with what the past 20 years has led to. As a realization factor I guess. I wanted to jump in and help and try to solve some problem I saw.. by taking on this burden and dealing with it so they could stay aloof and distanced. But, I feel now that would just deprive them of a slow, methodical activity (cleaning out her room) that could give them some kind of closure on something. My dad has this saying "when your hands get tired your brain goes to work". He uses that a lot when we're working on something tedious, and when you get tired of doing it the hard way you sit down and try to think up an easier way to do it. Well... I think that's what cleaning out my sister's room could do for my mom and dad... if they're the ones that take the time cleaning it all up.. they're going to get tired (there's a LOT of stuff).. and he's old, so he works for a bit then sits down and takes a break.. and that's the time when his brain will go to work and he'll mull over what's happened, take time to think it over... after he's worked out the frustration from physical labor, I think he'll have more clarity on the situation, come to better terms with it, make better decisions... and realize that rushing to haul all her stuff out isn't the answer. I think he felt that the sooner they got rid of her stuff, the less likely they would be inclined to bring he back home. But, I know for sure they're not bringing her back home this time. I need to give them space and time to work through her room and by doing so to work through everything they've gone through for 20 years and have their moment of clarity and come to terms with things. It's just one of those situations where you want to be there for someone and you feel like you need to do something... but there's not much you can do. So you feel helpless. and it's frustrating. I think a lot of what *I* was going through was the cathartic purge of all the anger and stress I had built up and bottled up over the years from dealing with my sister, hearing about what she's doing, hearing about how at every turn she decided to make poor choices that didn't help her situation, etc, etc. I really got through a lot of that by just writing an epic ****-ton of posts on here. LOL I had a good purge and cry. I spoke with my parents and advised them on how they need to step back on the situation and look at it from all angles (legal) and not just "parent / child". So, now I need to just step back and let them have time to work through things...physically with the room which will hopefully help them work through mentally and emotionally as well... and not deprive them of that. [/QUOTE]
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Sister out of house, what rights do we have with her stuff?
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