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Parent Emeritus
Sitting here alone and heart broken
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 689311" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I wanted to say welcome. You have received excellent advice already and I have not one thing to add.</p><p>You know you cannot allow yourself to have contact with her. There are long-term psychotherapies that have shown to be effective with people like your daughter, but there has to be motivation to change and the hard work to do it. The ball is in her court.</p><p> You can take pride that you raised her to be able to function so highly that she can maintain this job. That must be enough. No parent gets 100 percent. </p><p>Many of us have been through this. The gossip about us, most untrue. My son used to go to a city near us on the coast where it is cool, and tell friends of mine that we did not allow him to turn on the air conditioner in the heat. (This was the least of it. He would gossip about me to the neighbors.) I wish I had not let it bother me. I know better now.</p><p></p><p>You must make peace with yourself. Try not to look to her or anybody else for your self-esteem (certainly not from your daughter.) It is not safe for you or her that you be near her. Her life would be destroyed if she hurt you badly, and yours too, quite probably.</p><p> This combination, borderline and drugs and alcohol are potentially lethal. You know what you have to do.</p><p>She does not hate you. This behavior is a manifestation of her illness. It is not safe for either of you to keep trying for another outcome, until at least she gets control over her drinking, and gets some psychotherapy.</p><p></p><p>You must accept that it is not you. It is not your fault. As her mother you have a role here to be responsible for your own safety, if there is knowing that your daughter is unable to take responsibility for her own.</p><p></p><p>I am so sorry that you find yourself in this place, as many of us have. Trust and believe me. There is life after this. A good life. I hope you stay with us and keep posting. I am so glad you are here. You are not alone.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 689311, member: 18958"] I wanted to say welcome. You have received excellent advice already and I have not one thing to add. You know you cannot allow yourself to have contact with her. There are long-term psychotherapies that have shown to be effective with people like your daughter, but there has to be motivation to change and the hard work to do it. The ball is in her court. You can take pride that you raised her to be able to function so highly that she can maintain this job. That must be enough. No parent gets 100 percent. Many of us have been through this. The gossip about us, most untrue. My son used to go to a city near us on the coast where it is cool, and tell friends of mine that we did not allow him to turn on the air conditioner in the heat. (This was the least of it. He would gossip about me to the neighbors.) I wish I had not let it bother me. I know better now. You must make peace with yourself. Try not to look to her or anybody else for your self-esteem (certainly not from your daughter.) It is not safe for you or her that you be near her. Her life would be destroyed if she hurt you badly, and yours too, quite probably. This combination, borderline and drugs and alcohol are potentially lethal. You know what you have to do. She does not hate you. This behavior is a manifestation of her illness. It is not safe for either of you to keep trying for another outcome, until at least she gets control over her drinking, and gets some psychotherapy. You must accept that it is not you. It is not your fault. As her mother you have a role here to be responsible for your own safety, if there is knowing that your daughter is unable to take responsibility for her own. I am so sorry that you find yourself in this place, as many of us have. Trust and believe me. There is life after this. A good life. I hope you stay with us and keep posting. I am so glad you are here. You are not alone. [/QUOTE]
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