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Parent Emeritus
Sitting here alone and heart broken
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<blockquote data-quote="Seeking Peace" data-source="post: 689347" data-attributes="member: 19374"><p>Melbourne 11,</p><p></p><p>I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm sorry for your hurt. </p><p></p><p>The first thought that came to my mind after reading your post is your daughter is 28 years old. An adult. </p><p></p><p>The second thing that came to mind is that simply being a person's parent doesn't warrant or excuse the abuse. If anything, our child treating us that way is even more disturbing given we are their parent!</p><p></p><p>As difficult as it is, detaching with love is an absolute necessity for both child and parent. We are only enabling them and encouraging the behaviors when we continue to "just want to help", or continue playing the what if game.</p><p></p><p>Here is what I remind myself when I start to feel utterly depressed about my daughter...has anything I've done actually changed the situation? Nope. </p><p></p><p>Am I truly equipped to give her the help she needs? Clearly not, as things would be different if I had that power.</p><p></p><p>You can love and encourage your child without allowing them to abuse or use you. You cannot make your daughter do anything she doesn't want to do, but you can control what you do and don't do. It's difficult and a hard long road to switch gears, but it really is a necessity for both of you.</p><p></p><p>You wouldn't allow anybody else to treat you so poorly. Daughter or not, it's not okay. Her being 28 years old makes it even more not okay.</p><p></p><p>You're not alone. Sadly, there's a lot of us out here. All in different stages of healing and growing.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Seeking Peace, post: 689347, member: 19374"] Melbourne 11, I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm sorry for your hurt. The first thought that came to my mind after reading your post is your daughter is 28 years old. An adult. The second thing that came to mind is that simply being a person's parent doesn't warrant or excuse the abuse. If anything, our child treating us that way is even more disturbing given we are their parent! As difficult as it is, detaching with love is an absolute necessity for both child and parent. We are only enabling them and encouraging the behaviors when we continue to "just want to help", or continue playing the what if game. Here is what I remind myself when I start to feel utterly depressed about my daughter...has anything I've done actually changed the situation? Nope. Am I truly equipped to give her the help she needs? Clearly not, as things would be different if I had that power. You can love and encourage your child without allowing them to abuse or use you. You cannot make your daughter do anything she doesn't want to do, but you can control what you do and don't do. It's difficult and a hard long road to switch gears, but it really is a necessity for both of you. You wouldn't allow anybody else to treat you so poorly. Daughter or not, it's not okay. Her being 28 years old makes it even more not okay. You're not alone. Sadly, there's a lot of us out here. All in different stages of healing and growing. [/QUOTE]
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