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Slowly Breaking Me Down
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 625666" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>We have been right where you are, Ca. It is a hard place to be. I wish this had never happened to you, or to any of us. But it did happen. We will share with your our stories, their outcomes, the ways we learned to be stronger. There is no magic solution. I believe it is mandatory for us to remember that it is the situation that is bad. Not us, not our troubled kids. There is no villain, here. We do the best we know. Whatever we do, there seems to be no magic fix. We are in an impossibly difficult place in our lives. We do the best we know. When we know better, then we can do better. (That is Maya Angelou.)</p><p></p><p>Hold strong, CaMom. We do know what this is like. We know the worry, the sick feeling that overrides every good thing. It seems imperative to fight for ourselves and our children. We are prepared to do that. Nothing seems to help them, and we become more and more desperate. There are no guidelines. Just as you posted, nothing, nothing we do seems to help our kids.</p><p></p><p>They do the strangest things.</p><p></p><p>I learned, here on the site, to tell my son that he was raised better than to do what he was doing. That was a true thing. It will be a beginning strength for you to remember that true thing. Part of the devastation of having a child who is going the wrong way is that we feel we should have seen it coming, should have been able to save them...but it just keeps getting worse.</p><p></p><p>I am so sorry this is happening to you, and to that child you love, that child you would do whatever it takes to save.</p><p></p><p>Read our stories, CaMom. Post as you feel the need. There is not a parent here who will judge you. We have been where you are, tonight.</p><p></p><p>It's a lonely place to be.</p><p></p><p>Someone posted the following prayer, the Serenity Prayer, to me, when I was going through the worst of it with my son. She told me to read it until I got it. It helped me, CaMom. I know you have read it a thousand times? But it will help you. </p><p></p><p>Read it until you get it, until you feel it begin to work.</p><p></p><p>Especially when I would be jerked awake by a nightmare, it helped me to recite it, there in the dark, when I was alone with the horror of it. Here it is. Know that we get it, CaMom. There is not one thing easy or good or rewarding in all this. Someone you love, someone for whom you feel responsible, is self destructing.</p><p></p><p>It's a desperate, lonely place to be.</p><p></p><p>But you are here now, with us. You aren't alone with it, anymore. There is an amazing amount of comfort and strength in this site, CaMom. </p><p></p><p>God, grant me the Serenity to accept what I cannot change</p><p>the Courage to change what I can</p><p>and the Wisdom to know the difference.</p><p></p><p>As for how to tell your son what he needs to hear? Keep it as simple as you can. Tell him what you need to tell him, from the heart. If you post to us what you think you want to say, we will give you our input. You may need to write it down and keep it near the phone. I had to do that. I never could think straight, when my child was in pain....</p><p></p><p>This helped me.</p><p></p><p>There are soldiers fighting, right now, in faraway lands. They are not crying to mommy about where they are or how they don't have food stamps. They are 19, maybe 20. Another mom here posted to me once, about that. I realized she was right. I cut out a picture of soldiers that I found in the newspaper. I taped it to the wall near the phone.</p><p></p><p>That helped me to visualize my own son as the adult he was. </p><p></p><p>That gave me just enough strength to talk to my son differently.</p><p></p><p>That small difference was a beginning.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 625666, member: 17461"] We have been right where you are, Ca. It is a hard place to be. I wish this had never happened to you, or to any of us. But it did happen. We will share with your our stories, their outcomes, the ways we learned to be stronger. There is no magic solution. I believe it is mandatory for us to remember that it is the situation that is bad. Not us, not our troubled kids. There is no villain, here. We do the best we know. Whatever we do, there seems to be no magic fix. We are in an impossibly difficult place in our lives. We do the best we know. When we know better, then we can do better. (That is Maya Angelou.) Hold strong, CaMom. We do know what this is like. We know the worry, the sick feeling that overrides every good thing. It seems imperative to fight for ourselves and our children. We are prepared to do that. Nothing seems to help them, and we become more and more desperate. There are no guidelines. Just as you posted, nothing, nothing we do seems to help our kids. They do the strangest things. I learned, here on the site, to tell my son that he was raised better than to do what he was doing. That was a true thing. It will be a beginning strength for you to remember that true thing. Part of the devastation of having a child who is going the wrong way is that we feel we should have seen it coming, should have been able to save them...but it just keeps getting worse. I am so sorry this is happening to you, and to that child you love, that child you would do whatever it takes to save. Read our stories, CaMom. Post as you feel the need. There is not a parent here who will judge you. We have been where you are, tonight. It's a lonely place to be. Someone posted the following prayer, the Serenity Prayer, to me, when I was going through the worst of it with my son. She told me to read it until I got it. It helped me, CaMom. I know you have read it a thousand times? But it will help you. Read it until you get it, until you feel it begin to work. Especially when I would be jerked awake by a nightmare, it helped me to recite it, there in the dark, when I was alone with the horror of it. Here it is. Know that we get it, CaMom. There is not one thing easy or good or rewarding in all this. Someone you love, someone for whom you feel responsible, is self destructing. It's a desperate, lonely place to be. But you are here now, with us. You aren't alone with it, anymore. There is an amazing amount of comfort and strength in this site, CaMom. God, grant me the Serenity to accept what I cannot change the Courage to change what I can and the Wisdom to know the difference. As for how to tell your son what he needs to hear? Keep it as simple as you can. Tell him what you need to tell him, from the heart. If you post to us what you think you want to say, we will give you our input. You may need to write it down and keep it near the phone. I had to do that. I never could think straight, when my child was in pain.... This helped me. There are soldiers fighting, right now, in faraway lands. They are not crying to mommy about where they are or how they don't have food stamps. They are 19, maybe 20. Another mom here posted to me once, about that. I realized she was right. I cut out a picture of soldiers that I found in the newspaper. I taped it to the wall near the phone. That helped me to visualize my own son as the adult he was. That gave me just enough strength to talk to my son differently. That small difference was a beginning. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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