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Slowly Breaking Me Down
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 625682" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>There is an excellent book called "Boundaries" by Cloud and Townsend (anyone..correct me if I have the wrong authors please). In the book, it explains how crazy dysfunctional people behave toward us when we set boundaries. It is classic. It is excellent. Although it is based on Christianity, you certainly do not need to be a Christian to benefit from it's wisdom. I am sort of a hodgepodge of beliefs and I thought it was one of the best self-help books I have ever read. It explains about upping the ante.</p><p></p><p>Beware of the suicide threat. I will repeat what I have said many times and this does not mean it will never happen. I have been here about twenty years and not one difficult child I can remember ever truly succeeded in committing suicide. MOST of the time, it is used for maximum manipulation...they know we won't ignore that kind of a threat.</p><p></p><p>Yet, I have had to learn to accept that, as scary as it is, we can not stop ANYONE who really wants to commit suicide. It is always there on the table and is often on the minds of people who never talk about it at all. If our difficult children, like mine does, threaten suicide, we hang up and call 911. And pray (if we are inclined to do so). Beyond that, we can not stop this ultimate horror. People commit suicide all the time and most of the time, at least in my life experiences, nobody knew the person was planning it. Realistically, would they tell us if they were serious? I don't know. I take threats seriously by calling 911. I can do nothing else and I am not going to throw away all the progress I have made that has been good for me, the others in my family, and my dear friends who I think of as family because of 36's hundredth threat to kill himself. It is usually a bluff to make us feel bad.</p><p></p><p>36 has confided in me that a few times he used the suicide card to get his father, my ex, to give him a lot of money and it worked. He was laughing about it. Talk about that ole soap opera "As the Stomach Turns..." </p><p></p><p>Made me ashamed that my boy, who was raised to care about others, could laugh about being manipulative and terrifying his father. Ugh.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 625682, member: 1550"] There is an excellent book called "Boundaries" by Cloud and Townsend (anyone..correct me if I have the wrong authors please). In the book, it explains how crazy dysfunctional people behave toward us when we set boundaries. It is classic. It is excellent. Although it is based on Christianity, you certainly do not need to be a Christian to benefit from it's wisdom. I am sort of a hodgepodge of beliefs and I thought it was one of the best self-help books I have ever read. It explains about upping the ante. Beware of the suicide threat. I will repeat what I have said many times and this does not mean it will never happen. I have been here about twenty years and not one difficult child I can remember ever truly succeeded in committing suicide. MOST of the time, it is used for maximum manipulation...they know we won't ignore that kind of a threat. Yet, I have had to learn to accept that, as scary as it is, we can not stop ANYONE who really wants to commit suicide. It is always there on the table and is often on the minds of people who never talk about it at all. If our difficult children, like mine does, threaten suicide, we hang up and call 911. And pray (if we are inclined to do so). Beyond that, we can not stop this ultimate horror. People commit suicide all the time and most of the time, at least in my life experiences, nobody knew the person was planning it. Realistically, would they tell us if they were serious? I don't know. I take threats seriously by calling 911. I can do nothing else and I am not going to throw away all the progress I have made that has been good for me, the others in my family, and my dear friends who I think of as family because of 36's hundredth threat to kill himself. It is usually a bluff to make us feel bad. 36 has confided in me that a few times he used the suicide card to get his father, my ex, to give him a lot of money and it worked. He was laughing about it. Talk about that ole soap opera "As the Stomach Turns..." Made me ashamed that my boy, who was raised to care about others, could laugh about being manipulative and terrifying his father. Ugh. [/QUOTE]
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