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Slowly Breaking Me Down
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<blockquote data-quote="Albatross" data-source="post: 625690" data-attributes="member: 17720"><p>CAMom, just wanted you to know I am reading along and am very sorry you are in this place. I agree that your son will most likely escalate his manipulative behavior as August approaches. Stay strong. The limits you are setting are obviously quite reasonable; he is the one who is not being reasonable. </p><p></p><p>My son used to make the same pity play to me when he wanted something. "You are my mother! How can you do this to me?!" And it worked really well for a long time. Now I am more inclined to look at the track record and think, "Hey! Wait a minute! Are you kidding?! How can YOU do this to ME?!?" </p><p></p><p>On the suicide threats, I agree with the others on how to handle them. The threats are a common tool our difficult children use to try to control us. I told my son every time that I was going to hang up and call 911 and the police would be right there. </p><p></p><p>I love your description of water torture. That's exactly what those calls and texts feel like, I think. My therapist pointed out that the nice things about cell phones are that they can be silenced and texts can be scripted. He suggested we have a "canned" text response to use if the water torture got to us. We could send that and nothing more. It was something like "We love you and hope you get help. When you _____, (in difficult child's case sober and working) we would love to hear from you." </p><p></p><p>My son is the same age as yours. Like yours, he was pretty much a great kid until around age 13, then went south in a major way. It is hard to believe I have spent the last EIGHT YEARS of my life trying so desperately to "love" him out of his bad choices. It is a fruitless exercise. The fact is, my son is a grown man. He needs to provide for himself. Whatever sort of person he wants to be beyond that is up to him.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Albatross, post: 625690, member: 17720"] CAMom, just wanted you to know I am reading along and am very sorry you are in this place. I agree that your son will most likely escalate his manipulative behavior as August approaches. Stay strong. The limits you are setting are obviously quite reasonable; he is the one who is not being reasonable. My son used to make the same pity play to me when he wanted something. "You are my mother! How can you do this to me?!" And it worked really well for a long time. Now I am more inclined to look at the track record and think, "Hey! Wait a minute! Are you kidding?! How can YOU do this to ME?!?" On the suicide threats, I agree with the others on how to handle them. The threats are a common tool our difficult children use to try to control us. I told my son every time that I was going to hang up and call 911 and the police would be right there. I love your description of water torture. That's exactly what those calls and texts feel like, I think. My therapist pointed out that the nice things about cell phones are that they can be silenced and texts can be scripted. He suggested we have a "canned" text response to use if the water torture got to us. We could send that and nothing more. It was something like "We love you and hope you get help. When you _____, (in difficult child's case sober and working) we would love to hear from you." My son is the same age as yours. Like yours, he was pretty much a great kid until around age 13, then went south in a major way. It is hard to believe I have spent the last EIGHT YEARS of my life trying so desperately to "love" him out of his bad choices. It is a fruitless exercise. The fact is, my son is a grown man. He needs to provide for himself. Whatever sort of person he wants to be beyond that is up to him. [/QUOTE]
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