M spent most of the day Saturday obsessing and texting husband - and finally me - about how he was going to deal with Z about this month's rent, which M has already paid his half of. I had been very clear with him last week that he needed to start slowly and without a challenge to Z. That an apology should stand alone with no excuses or reasons. Start with "How are you doing" and/or "I'm sorry". Period. Conversations about how to make it work must come later. Instead, he sent a text of 'I'm sorry. Your physicality scared me and made me react in a bad way. I hope you'll see it my way and that we can avoid a fight in the future' which he then forwarded to us. I didn't realize it was a forward, and I wrote and told him he should not send it, he should just start with "I'm sorry." I had also told him last week that he doesn't ever have to say ANYTHING about Z's behavior so long as they can get along well enough to live in the same place, it's up to Z to apologize if he wants to. But for right now M has to make it work out because he has nowhere else to go. M responded that his therapist told him that he should tell Z that he was frightened of a physical confrontation. I told him that was correct, but she didn't mean for him to do it in the same sentence as his own apology for his own poor behavior. As I thought this through in the past day, I'm got more disappointed in myself for getting sucked into this drama. I can see it that he totally triangulated the therapist and me. I gave him good advice, she has no idea that he's a manipulator who covers all of his bases so he can blame his shortcomings on an authority figure at all times. There is no doubt in my mind that he understood exactly what I meant when I told him to leave the difficult relationship stuff alone for now but his desire was to antagonize Z and make sure that Z knew that he believes that Z was responsible for their falling out. So, he found someone he could blame for ignoring me. I'm not that stupid, and it's not going to happen again.