Small world...

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by PatriotsGirl, Aug 29, 2013.

  1. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    husband works with this man, S, and has for years. Recently, they had to take two of their grandchildren in for the same situation that we are in. His son (their father) and his daughter in law are meth addicts. DFCS took the children and placed them with S and his wife just a couple of weeks ago. (I'm sure it has helped my husband to have someone he knows in the same boat to talk to..)

    Anyhow, husband told me last night that the children are already back with their mother because she just went to the SAME place difficult child is supposed to go to. So husband heard a bit more about the place and the rules. He knows that all of their communication is monitored, and the rules about the children going anywhere (the children cannot go anywhere for the first 30 days and then only day trips and progressing from there, etc.) He told me that it is not a lock down facility but that if difficult child leaves, she loses everything.

    It's weird. I am not holding on to hope that she is going to stay or work the program. It is completely up to her and I know that I have no control over the situation. Do I think she can do it? Absolutely. She is strong headed and stubborn enough to do anything she wants to. Do I think she wants to do it? No. I haven't seen anything that leads me to believe she truly wants nothing to do with that life anymore. The strangest thing about it all is I have no feelings anymore about it. That cannot possibly be normal. It is almost like we are discussing an acquantance that we know or something. I have always held on to hope. It has always affected me and my life. This is a very, very odd feeling now and I am not quite sure how to process it..

    She wants me to come visit her tomorrow. She asked her friend to ask me if I would. I don't know why. I suppose she may miss me and want to see me. But I don't feel the same way. Isn't that awful??? The last time husband and I took time out to visit her, we sat and listened to her normal BS, her complain about being there and how she did NOT want to go to the program. I really don't feel like taking time out of my day and using my gas to go up there for that again. We are heading to the campsite tomorrow afternoon and I would rather stay here and prepare for that. I mean, I want to be there for the birth, I just don't want to go to the jail again. I don't know what to do...the baby has dropped and I know it won't be much longer before she goes into labor. I may go, but I know my heart is not in it and that may show through to her.

    So, odd place for me. I do still love my daughter. Not the addict, though. I am really and truly finished with the addict. It would be nice to see my daughter again but I can't be sure that I ever will. I do know that I have already mourned her and what I had hoped for her for a very long time now. Maybe that is it. Maybe I am just done mourning. I don't know. Anyone ever feel this way?
  2. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    PG... I do feel the same. I love Belle, so very much... But the addict... The manipulator... I don't much care for. I'm kind of numb to that person, for some reason.
  3. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I felt that way too. I can recall thinking it was as if I were talking to a neighbor rather then my daughter. I don't know what it is, but now it seems that it may have been when the enmeshment stopped, that negative bonding that kept me enabling my daughter. After that I saw things much clearer, detachment I think had taken hold.

    *I completely understand you not wanting to visit your daughter, I had that exact same response when my daughter wanted me to go to see her in jail. I ended up going and what was interesting is that I just didn't respond to the tears and promises anymore, I could look at her and listen, but those tugs at my heart, that sadness and lost hope were simply gone. Frankly, I think it's a step into a healthier response. I think it just feels so different when for so long we've been so attached to their bad choices, so stuck in their world that when we're not, it feels weird. It sounds more to me like you've freed yourself from all the drama and the fog of that has lifted, now you see the truth.
  4. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    I understand completely, PG.

  5. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    I saw her today; I went. It was actually a good visit and her behavior was the best I have seen in a long time. Her belly looks like it is going to pop!! Really shouldn't be much longer...she is very excited and says she actually WANTS to go to rehab. We will see...

    I talked to the prosecutor this morning and the judge signed the order allowing me to be there. She asked me to call her as soon as the baby is born and they will get her placed in a rehab where she will have Connor with her.

    So, looks like my having him will be short term. At least for now...
  6. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member difficult child had someone call me last night with a message telling me that the guards told her that the judge's order doesn't mean anything and they will not allow me to be there. So, I emailed the prosecutor this morning and she said she wouldn't worry about it - that the guards that talk to difficult child are not high enough on the totem pole to know what is truly going on.

    Well, I was just copied on an email from the JUDGE to the Sheriff that runs the jail attaching the court order and asking for a special favor that they call me when difficult child goes into labor. He said he was not asking as a favor to her or even as a favor to us, but that he was asking the favor for the BABY. That the baby deserves better.

    I am just in shock that the judge went that far for us. This county has been really, really impressive. I am very grateful...
  7. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    You are so blessed to have the cooperation of the Judge and the Prosecutor. I understand alot of the pain you have been through due to your difficult child's choices but do include a "thank you" in your prayers for living where authorities have some brains and some heart. You all remain in my thoughts and prayers. DDD
  8. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    I would really, really like to do something to thank them. They really have been wonderful!! I just don't know what to do...