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Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
So angry...
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<blockquote data-quote="Sam3" data-source="post: 724937" data-attributes="member: 19290"><p>I'm sorry to respond this way, but hopefully you already know it deep down. Your son may be bridged with a new job, but he won't be "sorted," as I understand that word. Forgery, loan fraud and abusiveness to family aren't the natural consequences of unemployment. And they have their own consequences in the real world.</p><p></p><p>What are we teaching our difficult children if they steal from us counting on the relationship to shield them from those consequences, and it works?</p><p></p><p>That stealing works for him, and that this silent victim relationship works for you too.</p><p></p><p>Many of us have been threatened in similar ways... If you don't give me money, I will have to deal. If I don't get what I want, I don't know if I can live another day. If you report me, I'll end up in jail and have a record, and maybe get shanked. Could you imagine our kids telling their teacher after they got caught doing something naughty, if you tell my parents, I won't behave for a whole week? In any other context, people would laugh at this kind of doubling down.</p><p></p><p>We all tolerated their worsening behavior out of a belief that they would see the light. But basically, when we've stood in front of them to protect them, we've also cast our own shadows on them and shielded them from the light.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Sam3, post: 724937, member: 19290"] I'm sorry to respond this way, but hopefully you already know it deep down. Your son may be bridged with a new job, but he won't be "sorted," as I understand that word. Forgery, loan fraud and abusiveness to family aren't the natural consequences of unemployment. And they have their own consequences in the real world. What are we teaching our difficult children if they steal from us counting on the relationship to shield them from those consequences, and it works? That stealing works for him, and that this silent victim relationship works for you too. Many of us have been threatened in similar ways... If you don't give me money, I will have to deal. If I don't get what I want, I don't know if I can live another day. If you report me, I'll end up in jail and have a record, and maybe get shanked. Could you imagine our kids telling their teacher after they got caught doing something naughty, if you tell my parents, I won't behave for a whole week? In any other context, people would laugh at this kind of doubling down. We all tolerated their worsening behavior out of a belief that they would see the light. But basically, when we've stood in front of them to protect them, we've also cast our own shadows on them and shielded them from the light. [/QUOTE]
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