So bummed

[JJJ]

I know it's not difficult child-crisis level stuff.

Piglet had a competition tonight and she totally bombed. Her coach is beside himself. She won't admit that she did poorly, she is just pretending it didn't happen. It drives the coach nuts cause he feels that when you bomb like that (which everyone does from time to time), you need to admit it and practice harder.

I'm so worried that this coach won't keep her for next year

 

[KTMom91]

What does she play?

 

[JJJ]

ice hockey

She got benched and I don't think he's going to let her play the rest of the playoffs. It is as much the refusal to admit that she messed up as the messing up itself. She cost her team the game and now they are in a must-win situation, even 1 more loss and they are out. Her teammates are great and no one blames her as they know she didn't make the mistake on purpose -- just like they don't make mistakes on purpose.

 

[Hound dog]

Bummer.

I see the coach's point. If we can't admit mistakes then we can't learn from those mistakes.

I'm glad her teammates took it well even though it means they have to work harder to stay in the playoffs.

I know they wear a lot of padding, but hockey seems awfully violent for girls. Ok, now I sound prejudice. lol And I'm thinking of the adults playing as well.........

 

[HaoZi]

Just because she isn't openly admitting it doesn't mean she isn't berating herself about it quietly. She may well find it too embarrassing right now and if coach pushes her on it she may resist. Give her some space and see if she pushes herself more when she thinks no one is watching.

 

[nvts]

Ahh, I feel bad for Piglet. Thirteen is a rough age for anything let alone screwing up "the big game"! Keep in mind that anyone that plays in sports has that huge fear of being the "one"! Nightmares, etc. stem from them.

I think in her case, a gentle hug and a kind word might open her up to conversation rather than the idea that she may not make the team next year (which, at 13, who knows? she might want that in the back of her mind!).

Sorry she's got to learn such a big lesson at such a young age. She may be pushing it behind her so that she can hold her head up and get back on that ice to prove she can do it! Hoooorah!

Tell her that the Board Aunties are firmly in her corner and we know she can do it!

Beth

 

[ML]

I agree with Haozi. It may just be her way of dealing with it. Many of our kids have trouble expressing their emotions in a "normal" way. It may be that it bothers her so much that she can't process it. I don't know, I just hope she gets to keep playing if it is something she enjoys.

 

[Jena]

aw i'm sorry, yet it's so great she's part of a team. she can learn so much from it. and yea a hug and kind word and hopefullly she'll bounce back. it is so great she does that though.

and yea that's a rough age either way for kids especially when something like that happens.

((hugs))

 

[Star*]

JJJ,

You know there is a comedy skit done by Sinbad right now that while tongue in cheek humor - is very real. He says that schools have GOT to STOP handing out awards to everyone. There has to be winners and loosers, and this business of giving all kids a trophy for "You TRIED HARD" is ridiculous. It makes kids think that it's okay to not work harder or it's okay to accept that you did just what you did and everyone has to accept it.

I remember when Dude was in grade school and came home the first time with one of those awards. He threw it in the trash. I let it stay there. He told me that if he wasn't on the winning team he didn't deserve a trophy for "trying". There have to be winners and loosers, and while I think Piglet may have tried her hardest - she needs to KNOW that it's okay to loose - she just needs to acknowledge that she messed up - and move on, try harder next time. Loosing is okay - no shame in it because at LEAST SHE was out there TRYING. There are a ton of kids in her school that didn't EVEN try, DON"T go to practice,and ARE NOT even on the team. She needs to realize THAT.

It's like being angry - it's okay to be angry - as long as you project your anger in an appropriate manner -
Loosing is no different.

Maybe if he coach brought it up to her in this way? She'd allow herself to be okay with making mistakes instead of trying to be perfect or trying to pretend that she doesn't make mistakes and projecting the problem on something else. As in - it wasn't my fault because.......

Make any sense?
Hugs
Star

 

[svengandhi]

I agree with Star. If Piglet tried her hardest but the other team was better or she just couldn't get the puck out of the goal (for some reason, I'm assuming she was the goalie) or whatever, well, those things happen. If she "bombed" because she wasn't in the game zone, well that happens, too. My daughter played field hockey in HS, as a goalie. Sometimes, she blocked the shots, sometimes, she didn't. One game she totally bombed, couldn't block a goal for her life. She got her period two days later and realized that she had not been at her best at that time.

Maybe you can sit down with Piglet and ask her how she feels about the game overall. Have her analyze everything, not just her role. I am sorry, but I don't believe that in a team sport, ONE person makes or breaks the game. Is it fair to blame Derek Jeter if the Yankees lose just because he had no hits, was tagged out on a walk and hit the catcher with the ball the one time he caught it if the other players did not play well either? Sometimes, the other team just has a better day. Maybe if Piglet can look at it in the wider scheme, she might be more willing to acknowledge (admit is tough for a 13 year old) she had a bad day.

In my opinion, team sports are wildly over-rated. I never played on a team and neither did my H. The only one of my 5 kids who played a sport after elementary school was my only daughter (unless you count chess team, which difficult child and PC14 are on) and she did it because her friends were doing it and for the exercise. The win at all costs attitude I see in sports on a too regular basis is very offensive (and I'm a trial attorney by profession so I am not a non-competitive person by nature, just no a physically competitive person).

In any event, good luck to Piglet, I hope she can turn this into a learning experience.