So frustrated....

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by toughlovin, Jul 9, 2019.

  1. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    Arghhh..... So I found out more today. There was a bed at a detox center yesterday but my son felt he needed to go to the hospital. He was probably feeling pretty sick. So they took him to the hospital where they stabalized him medically and kept him overnight. Today he, with the help of the program he is in, filled out the paperwork for the detox. Today they dont have any medicaid beds (his insurance). The program offered to have their doctor work with him and have him stay in their residential program (which usually doesnt do detox but they were trying to work it out for him). He refused and said he will just drink until Thursday when he can go to detox. So nutty and ridiculous. A big part of me wanted to call him and talk to him about it..... and then I thought wait a minute....I have been so glad that he has been figuring this out with the folks in the program and I have stepped back..... now I am going to step right back in? For what? I realized first it probably would not make a difference, and if it did and he went to detox because I told him too....then it would not really be him owning it. I also realized that if I step in and offer to help in some way that he will try to con me into a different program, or something else or whatever. I really do need to leave this alone and let him make the decision, no matter how bad the decision is....he needs to own his decisions and the consequences of them. He hasnt asked me for help, why do I want to jump in and offer help. I have done this way too much already. So Im keeping quiet and not calling or texting him. If he wants my opinion (and I am sure he knows what it would be and doesnt want it) he can ask me for it. And I realized today that I am not in a situation where he is out there alone, on the streets or in the gutter. He has a support system there that is willing to help him, he is choosing not to take it. So I hope that come Thursday he can get a bed and go....but it is up to him. The whole thing does make me wonder how much he really wants this.... sounds like maybe he wanted to feel enough better so he could drink some. More reason for me to step back and let him figure it out.

  2. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Oh gee.
    I can only imagine how you feel. Thank g-d for this program.

    We could look at this another way. His logic is that he will be stopping. In his mind this is a commitment. It's like if there is ice cream left in the container and you vow that you won't buy more. But geez. Given that you won't be able to buy more ice cream, who would have the will power to throw away that last little bit in the container before throwing it away. Not me.
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  3. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry TL, it's so hard.....

    FWIW TL, when I was in that 2 year codependency course, it was in conjunction with the rehab part of the facility and we were on occasion in a class together learning about codependency issues, which was also a part of their rehab. On many occasions I heard those with addiction issues say that right before they entered rehab for the first or twentieth time, they would binge drink before it began. It seemed that their reasoning was that after rehab they will NOT be drinking and this was their "last chance." I heard this logic often enough to believe it is fairly common.

    It sounds similar to what Copa is saying......getting that "last little bit" before it all ends.
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  4. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    Makes sense. I have dieted often enough but had to get my fill of sweets first. So all the more reason for me to stay out of it. The last time he made the decision to go to rehab for alcohol we drove him and je begged us to stop and get him a last drink. We didnt do it but he got pretty nasty when we wouldnt.
  5. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    Okay so he went and was admiitted into detox this afternoon!! Yay. It sounds from the person at the program that he was ready to go.... had decided if he didnt get in that he would go to the residential house and let them do a librium taper. So I am relieved for now. I havent talked to him and did not reach out to him. The more I thought about it and sat with that the more I knew it was just right for me to stay out of it.
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  6. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Glad that he is in detox. I hope you can enjoy some peace.

    I really pray that your son stays on the right track.

    And you are so right, this is up to HIM. I wish I had saved more energy when I went through all of this with our son. I wish so many things were different when it was happening to us.

    I am still very nervous with our son and he has not touched pills (his drug of choice) in a long time but he does drink and I'm not fond of that because of his history but it's not my life or my choices.

    It is all such a long struggle for all of us. Stay strong.