So frustrating

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by TeDo, Feb 7, 2013.

  1. TeDo

    TeDo CD Hall of Fame

    difficult child 1 has taken off again (left the house in a huff) because he's overwhelmed and it's all MY fault (of course).

    difficult child 2 has an ortho appointment tomorrow afternoon in a town an hour away from here. My dentist (in that same town) had a cancellation for tomorrow morning. I grabbed it since I have to be in that town anyway. Now, we just have to leave earlier.

    Because of difficult child 2's appointment, i had arranged their school lessons so there wasn't a whole lot to do tomorrow. Since my appointment is in the morning, I wanted them to do some of the work today (not a hard day as it is) to relieve any pressure from having to do all of it tomorrow along with 2 appointments and drive time.

    At first, difficult child 1 willingly started working on his Algebra. He watched the lesson instructional video and then did the problems (by himself because he REFUSED to let me even look at it). Then he wanted to check his answers to those in the back of the book. They were all wrong. I wanted to explain what he'd done wrong but that was it. He was done. He stood around for a good 20 minutes while I helped difficult child 2 with some of his work. He made comments and interrupted and tried to argue with me. He even tried to talk difficult child 2 into saving tomorrow's work for tomorrow and doing it with him. difficult child 2 doesn't want to have to worry about it tomorrow since he has time today.

    After about 1/2 an hour, he grabbed his coat and was out the door before I had a chance to even turn around. He didn't even take his phone with him this time. difficult child 2 went out looking for him and wants to talk to him.

    The deal is that I am torn. I KNOW he's overwhelmed with the "extra work" and with the change in plan. I DID listen to what he had to say. I also explained my reasoning and that it wasn't negotiable this time. There are going to be times when plans change and there is NOTHING he can do about it. He's getting better with that but .....

    I refuse to call the police because with my luck that jerk cop that insisted difficult child 1 go to juvie instead of psychiatric hospital because of the "Prozac fiasco" will be on duty and I am just not willing to do that to difficult child 1 again. That cop was worse than a jerk and I'm not willing to take that chance. difficult child 2 just came back and said he couldn't find difficult child 1. I WILL start making phone calls though.

    Does anyone else get frustrated with dealing with these "thinking errors" and, in my case, difficult child 1's flight response?
  2. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I'm so sorry!
    (Sometimes I think we should put a GPS chip in our kids.....)
  3. TeDo

    TeDo CD Hall of Fame

    I called around and found that he was at the home of a friend of his. The mom, S, has a younger son on the spectrum. I explained what happened and why he left. SHE UNDERSTOOD! It was awesome. She was planning on talking to him without him knowing I talked to her. He snuck back into the house later and got his phone without us hearing him until he shut the door and the dog started crying. I called him a little bit ago and told him to come home in 1/2 an hour and he said ok and was very pleasant. I really hope that attitude continues once he comes home. That's the kind of attitude I can handle dealing with and talking to. He's past being stuck and is more willing to listen and process. PLEASE let that be the case today.
  4. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Ohhhh yeah, been there done that! I am so glad that the mom understands. Good call, not to call the cops. Most of our difficult children, particularly Aspies, will go to a friend's house. They did not like change or strange situations, so they go for the familiar.
    Wish I'd known that way back when ...
    Good luck!
  5. TeDo

    TeDo CD Hall of Fame

    Thanks Terry. Yep, that's exactly what usually happens. I just never know which "familiar place" he'll go to. Sometimes it's this friend or that friend. Sometimes it's the library and other times it's just wandering around town (NOT a big town). It's just nice that he chose THAT friend with THAT mother who is someone he will listen to.

    So far, he's home and doing well but I haven't really brought the subject up yet. Need to get difficult child 2 fed first. His stomach went off a while ago (VERY scheduled stomach-breakfast lunch dinner snack at the SAME times EVERY day).
  6. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    I've noticed that you always really try to handle things in an understanding manner. Your kids are lucky to have you. Just wanted to tell you that.
  7. HaoZi

    HaoZi CD Hall of Fame

    Frustrated with such situations? Yeah... and beyond.