***So How Did Everybody Do?***

[PonyGirl]

Count me in as another whose difficult child did not bring any gifts. Well, any store-bought gifts, anyway! He did show up clean & sober, which I told him was the only gift I really wanted. :santa:

difficult child arrived in time for dinner, and a few minutes ahead of easy child. We all got a kick outta that. :salute:

It's too early for me to change my profile again, but it appears difficult child may be turning back to Recovery quicker than I had expected. He says he's been clean all week, has plans to move out from the friend's house he's staying at and truly be on his own, and had a long talk with his AA Sponser.

He says he didn't buy gifts because he's broke. I really don't like the sound of that, as he makes more $$ than I do and has been putting in overtime at work for months. I can only assume drugs have become a lot more expensive than they were back in the 80's when I was buying pot..... :wink:

easy child brought gifts he'd bought with his own money, and also his traditional home-made cards. It was great to watch him & his brother together, they like each other and made tentative plans to do something together this weekend. (Easy, Mom, take it easy - easy child's got a good head on his shoulders!!) :warrior:

So, all is well. Today. difficult child was very nervous about his upcoming meeting with his PO - which I think was yesterday - and I haven't heard from him so I'm a bit nervous as well. difficult child is worried he'll have to sit in jail when he fails the drug test. Duh. Shoulda thought of that BEFORE blah blah blah.... :hammer:

Peace

 

[CrazyinVA]

Thank you for this thread! It's made me feel less alone in my experiences, especially about not receiving gifts. My oldest and her husband gave me zilch, saying athat someone had stole his identity and their bank account was wiped out (the story keeps changing, I'm not sure what has happened). I gave them gas money to get to my place for dinner, and my son-in-law helped me clean the day before.. which actually was a wonderful gift. Youngest got me a wireless mouse for my laptop, which really was a thoughtful gift, it's just that she spent gobs of money on her baby's father and he got her NOTHING. She spent most of her money on her son, which is as it should be. Still, it felt a bit awkward opening my two presents (the other from a coworker, that I saved to open Christmas day for this very reason), while everyone else opened everything I got them. It made me miss my own parents very much.

The drama of the day is that Youngest spent most of Christmas day in the ER, having a miscarriage. Don't think terribly of me when I say, this was actually a Christmas blessing ... when I found out two days before Christmas that she'd had a postiive pregnancy test, I was in full panic mode .. mixed with a bit of Scarlett Ohara-ish "I'll think about it tomorrow." I don't know what the outcome would have been if she hadn't lost the baby. I still shudder at the mere thought of it. She and my grandon are still living with me, waiting for her name to come up on the Section 8 voucher list, still on again off again with the abusive controlling father of the baby. She makes 7.20 an hour as a daycare teacher, with no GED or HS diploma. A second child? :: shudder :: again.

Anyway. All in all, we've had worse Christmas days.

 

[1 Day At a Time]

Our Christmas experience went off well - no meltdowns or drama noted. I've learned over the years that keeping all hands and minds busy on deck keeps the drama down :smile:

Watching the evolution of "gifting" with easy child and difficult child has been facinating. easy child has more than his share of ADD, and he took himself off of his Ritalin years ago. Everyone has just come to know and love him as the incredibly hyper guy. He finally "got it" about gift-giving when he was a junior in high school. He began to put together gifts for his wide group of friends - but nothing for his family members LOL.. As the years passed and a little maturity kicked in , he began to notice that he was getting gifts at home - but not giving them. He really began to pay attention to this two years ago, his second year away at college. We all have started wish lists at Amazon due to easy child's prompting - and he never really misses the mark now. His true love is dj-ing- he has two shows at the university radio station - one a talk show and one a musical show. He takes our ipods (or those of his friends) and loads them with music he knows we will all love. Honestly, that's the gift I love most of all !

difficult child is a whole other story. His social maturity is years behind his chronological age of 16. He is very, very sweet - but mostly oblivious. If he is reminded strongly - i.e. taken to the store with money in hand - he will buy gifts. I took him to Barnes and Noble to buy husband a gift (by the way, he was using his own money) and he just couldn't stop buying things for dear old dad! husband didn't remember to do the same - so Mom received no gifts. The jury is out as to whether or not difficult child will ever be able to do this on his own. Time and maturity may tell.

 

[fedup]

Other than the fact our older son didn't contact us, and we haven't heard from him since late summer or early fall, we had a good holiday.
No one asked to open gifts early, for a change. difficult child had little money, but his sister provided gifts for him to give, as well as a couple I got for him to give. It was simply NOT a matter of him not giving gifts, rather purely a lack of funds. Our exchanges were a lot smaller than in the past. Most of us have realized that too many gifts lead to a letdown later.
Everyone was pleased with what they got. I think we all are realizing that wanting what we have is more important than having what we want.
Having the family together, even if only for a couple of hours is the greatest gift. We had no raised voices or meltdowns for Xmas. We even toned down dinner- less stress for the cook (hubby). Lower expectatins led to greater happiness.

 

[carolanne]

Christmas eve was nice. I had been dreading it as sisinlaw and gfgd were going to be in the same room for the first time in two years. Jess did very well and Denise(sisinlaw) was very polite and even had gifts for her niece. Jess brought her boyfriend and Cory was very polite and quiet...at one point we wondered if he was sitll breathing he was so quiet He was just a bit overwhelmed by the noise and getting a couple small gifts from me.

Now Christmas day is a different matter. Up at 8am with my little guy bombing down the stairs and yelling for his sisters. He was awestruck, didn't know what to do at first but got into the swing of things.

The girls were polite until everything was opened and they were loading their mp4(music, video, photos) and Becky just couldn't be nice any longer.

She called me a joke because there wasn't a digital camera, called her sister some pretty nasty names and just ruined it all.

husband made me a rum and coke and asked me to step out of the room...I suppose I should have stepped out of the house cause he just laid into her...called her ungrateful, selfish, nasty, greedy...said your mom picked out everything for you, sold her treadmill to get those mp4s, and what did you get her? An f#$king candle from the dollar store and only because I made you get something....he followed her up to her room and doors slammed and voices screamed but he never backed down.

He helped me make dinner and after the kids were in bed gave me the most beautiful antique silver bracelet with an emerald in it...it's one I had seen at an antique jeweler's months ago.... what a doll!

Carolanne

 

[Star*]

Well,

Christmas Eve - I remembered to pray and be thankful for all the blessings I did have. Even if Christmas wasn't traditional - the day was remembered for what it all started out to be. I know next year will be different. Everyone will participate and make merry or I will beat them with a Yule log. And I ain't talking the ice cream cake at Baskin & Robbins!

It was very quite, and not very festive. DF and I watched the Nativity Story. Dude didn't call as he promised on Christmas Eve. He went out with friends mud riding. He did call late Christmas Day and tell me that he had found me a computer tower and wiped it clean, but someone pushed his off the desk so he had to use my Christmas present for parts to fix his. BUT BUT!!!! he did find a toy outside the McDonalds parking lot when him and some friends went there to eat, and he's got that for me. I'll <u>really</u> like it he says. Can't wait.

I got up and opened a beautiful Beanie Bear named Star and put him with the rest of my cherished 4. I ate moosepoop for breakfast. And then had the TV dinner later.

We rented a couple of movies - and Dude called later again to ask how to get 'get around' paying for internet service uh....SO he could send ME emails. (oh bother)

Lowered Expectations - I'm telling ya - My stress levels were near nil. And I talked to some of you over the holiday - so it was really okay.

 

[carolanne]

Well,

Christmas Eve - I remembered to pray and be thankful for all the blessings I did have. Even if Christmas wasn't traditional - the day was remembered for what it all started out to be. I know next year will be different. Everyone will participate and make merry or I will beat them with a Yule log. And I ain't talking the ice cream cake at Baskin & Robbins!

;rofl: I can so imagine this....wham thump thump thump....can I borrow the idea? Please?

Carolanne

 

[Suz]

I love you guys. Honestly, it's wonderful to read your stories and feel happy for those of you who had a wonderful holiday and to empathize with those of you who struggled. Thank you so much for sharing...

...and I'm so glad that Danny/Cheech finished the floor! :rofl: (how about the countertop?)

Suz

 

[Scent of Cedar II]

So, all is well. Today.

Today is what counts.

Every day, today is the one that counts.

Holding good thoughts for your son, Pony.

Barbara

 

[Scent of Cedar II]

Suz ~ did the man ever come to fix the sofa?

:smile:

Barbara

 

[Marcie Mac]

:rofl: Suz Lowes came in and installed a new corian countertop-figured it would be so much faster cause I could just see myself struggling with a demolished countertop that had not yet been tiled. He finished the back of the stove as well.

Marcie

 

[1905]

BBK- I almost made that dip, but didn't have the pimentos, so I didn't. I have another recipe for it: 2 jars of chopped marinated artichoke hearts
1 pkg of chopped spinach thawed
1/2 c sour cream
1/2 c mayo
3/4 c parm cheese

I think I'll sort of make up my own combination of the 2 and see what happens. I don't think the marinated ones will be good.-Alyssa

My kids didn't get me a thing. I'm dissapointed that they are not generous people. They (the 2 easy child) each got visa gift cards and money well before the 25th. I don't need a thing, but it truly is the thought- a dollar store gift would have made my heart swell(I'm such a geek). Last year 1 of the easy child had complaints about the amount of gifts he got- so this year I cut way back, I can't listen to that spoiled brat nonsense, and he was grateful for once.

On another note, nobody got difficult child anything but us. My parents, sister, and aunt alll sent gift to the other 2 but not him. That is not right, nice or fair. He doesn't live here, so they could ask for his address, or send it here as we see him. I feel like saying something, but there is nothing to say- All or none? Why? My feelings are hurt and I'm sure difficult child's are too. -Alyssa

 

[Suz]

Alyssa, lots of folks stop giving gifts when the kids are grown (18) and on their own. Since your difficult child is 20 and lives elsewhere, perhaps that is what they are thinking? (giving benefit of the doubt here)

Marcie, so RELIEVED :whew: to see that Lowes took care of the countertop and that temptation for Cheech is gone. :smile:

And I am delighted to report that the leather guy just left the house. Although Chloe's bite chunks haven't completely disappeared, if you didn't know there was a problem you sure wouldn't notice it. He really did a remarkable job for only $90.00. When he left he looked at her and smiled and said, "Keep my number for future reference." :rofl:

Oh, and he also said that for about $50 he could fix the burn marks Rob made all over my car years ago when he went on that joy ride! So one of these days I'll take care of that, too. :bravo:

Suz