So, how did you...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by tiredmommy, Jun 29, 2009.

  1. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    talk to your difficult child about puberty?

    Duckie is easily embarrassed so I got a kid-friendly book for her. It's called "What's Happening to Me?" from Usborn books; there are both girl and boy versions. I handed her the book and told her to read some of each day and we'd discuss it just so I know she understands the information. I thought this might be a little less stressful for her.

    But, boy, did her face turn beet red when she saw the illustrations, lol!:redface:
  2. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I tried to get my husband to talk to difficult child about it several times, and he said he "took care of it," but it turned out that all he did was give difficult child a lecture on not looking at porn because it perpetuates the abuse of women who are usually on drugs.
    I thought they were talking about S.E.X. What it IS. Nope.

    difficult child showed me where he was growing hair and shared things like that, and knew the word "puberty," which he loved to pronounce "Pee-U-berty" while lifting up his arms and exposing his armpits, :) but when I tried to talk about details, he would shut me out. We finally went to counseling and the dr told us to get a book, which husband did. (Of course, he wouldn't listen to me, but would listen to the dr. $110 for the same advice.)
    The book worked pretty well, we know he read it because we'd find it in a different place in his room ea a.m., but we're not sure if difficult child really "gets it" because he won't talk about it that much.
    I have to say, if it weren't for books, we'd be lost. Thank heaven!
  3. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Im not completely sure exactly how we talked to the boys. I think it was a subject we just kind of talked about intermittently all their lives. Of course, with 3 of them and one 3 years older than the next one I guess we started with him and it just kinda dripped down.

    I do know that by the time it came to Cory he was so entirely tee'd off that he wasnt in puberty at the same time Jamie was and that Jamie "grew" and he hadnt yet. He had a meltdown one day and was royally ticked off that his wasnt as We had to assure him that time was coming and that he would catch up...lmao.

  5. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Janet that is funny! I do not know how you made it through with 3 "men"!

    K started reading the encyclopedia about 2 years ago:hammer: So she knew how a baby developed and a lot of the details!
    She understands a lot of the scientific details.
    We have talked a little bit about how a woman changes to get ready to be able to make a baby one day when she is about 30.
    And how men do as well but they aren't ready until they are around 35'ish.

    (We really tell her this)
    But we have told her how she needs to take extra care of her body like keeping it clean etc. because women's bodies are very sensitive.
    They know about "mating" from nature shows.

    SO I guess one day in the future I need to combine it all together, YIKES... I love USBORN books, TM I might look into that one.

    I would say good topic, but I do not like it. :D
  6. therese005us

    therese005us New Member

    It is an interesting time.... just want to share a little story.
    I suppose it was about 12 months ago that daughter 12 showed me she was 'getting hair down there', and I pointed out that was normal, and she'd probably get a little more... 'well, you have rather a bush of it too mum'! she says...
    'you'll get hair under your arms too, you know'; she had a little curl or two; She thought she was rather clever, because "R, hasn't got any yet!".... DD23 of course, shaves there!

    Mostly, that's the way we handle it, just as it comes, and we fill the in the gaps as we go along... like talking about the 'sticky stuff' and what the period is designed for (to take away waste from the body) to be part of the process of making babies when you're grown up ,
    When DD23 was 11 or 12, I did tell her a big lie and say it was only till she was about 18 - she wwas already showing signs of maybe having endometreosis, how could i tell her it would go on for 30 or 40 years!

    As for the boys, well, I know nothing! but my husband refused to do the talk, so I had to make the best of it... I stumbled through, and I'm still not sure, but now that he's 19, i think we'll have to take it as it comes too. I did buy some lovely Christian books on the subject, so if anyone's interested, I could share that information.

    Good luck, it can be a little stressful, but there are 'moments' you'll treasure too.
  7. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    We started talking to easy child about it when she was 8. Her pediatrician wanted to be sure that we started talking to her young because AA girls often start early. We bought her a book, The Care and Keeping of You or something like that, it's by the American Girl Company. We read it together and discussed it. Then again in 4th grade they started Human Growth and Development so it was another easy opening for conversation.

    husband has been the one to talk with difficult child although he and I discussed some when he was taking HGD in 4th and 5th grade. difficult child loves throwing around the puberty word.
  8. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I tried everything. I must have bought 5 different books. difficult child refused to discuss it. I finally talked to one of her teachers so I could understand exactly what they were learning at school - to make sure it was all covered. It is much better now although she still would rather I mind my own business! LOL!
  9. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    You know we've always talked age appropriately about everything in our house. So, for my 3 the talk about sex was just natural family dinner conversation. All knew about periods---even the boys---and all knew about sex and how to protect themselves. I have always tried the honesty is the best policy---the easy child's got it---unfortunately, difficult child never has--he still doesn't.
  10. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    I got the book from American Girl...I can't remember the name of it.

    This is something difficult child would *not* talk to me about. She was too horrified to even hint at it. We ordered the book from B&N online and when it came, she snatched it up and I didn't see it again for some time. When I did, it was dog-eared.

    I think it's called The Body Book for Girls...but I'm not sure. When she was ready to talk about things, usually one thing at a time that came up, she had a reference point to start with. It really helped her a lot. And me, as well.

    easy child was much easier.
  11. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Hmm. I may have to actually ask my girls. LOL Darned Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI).:mad:

    You know, I don't think we actually sat down and had a "talk" about it. Sex and such has always been an open topic in the house. It's not a subject that makes me uncomfortable in the least bit. So if they had questions, I just answered them honestly and directly. I think I'd been answering questions (age approprately) from the time they were in pre-school.

    My girls made the transition rather smoothly. At least as smoothly as a girl can. lol Other than the lovely raging hormone thing.:faint:

    I know some girls really like getting the books and would die of humilliation to have to talk to their mothers about such things. Miine would've laughed me out of the room if I'd have approached them with the books. Depends on the child. in my opinion

  12. graceupongrace

    graceupongrace New Member

    I talked a lot with the boys about puberty & sex from a very early age. easy child always had lots of questions and was very open to discussion. difficult child always felt a little uncomfortable, but here's my trick: we would talk in the car. That seemed to work with him because he didn't have to make eye contact with me. ;)

    We all talked about the movies they saw in school (which I always previewed on parent nights), and they laughed to hear that those films have always been awful. I provided the moral context that the public schools don't -- the lessons were pretty much all about the biology.

    I'm glad we started our discussions early, because both boys are a little more reluctant to talk about those things as they get older. Even so, they'll still talk because it's not a new topic for us.
  13. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

  14. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    I forgot that I used the American Girl Book too. And both Jana and difficult child read the thing.
  15. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Didnt Oprah recently do an interview with a 9 or 10 year old girl on this subject? I bet dollars to donuts that show is probably available for download. I saw the little girl on a come back show and she was priceless. She is ready to run her own sex ed shows for A 9 year old "talk sex with sue" sort of
  16. eekysign

    eekysign New Member

    My Mom was teaching sex ed to 9th graders @ the time I was just hitting puberty, so we never really had a talk. She'd just use me as a sounding board for teaching, and it was never awkward, 'cause "we" weren't talking about it, I was just "helping" her figure out a curriculum. Ha. Other than that, it was a "hit the topics as they come up" thing.

    My fav of all her sex ed books, and we had 'em ALL, was "Our Bodies, Ourselves". It's great, maybe a little "older teen" than a newbie, but oh, man, is it good.,_Ourselves
  17. ML

    ML Guest

    I haven't actually talked about it much yet but he must have heard it somewhere becaue the other day he said "mom, am I in pueberty"... and that opened a dialogue about it.
  18. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    TM, when I gave easy child the book and he started to read it, he looked at me with shock. He said "mom how could you give this to me?". rofl. He was appalled. The deal was if he asks I'm going to tell him the truth.
    He did use the book over and over for years. So did difficult child. I think they are pretty comfortable with how we discussed it.
  19. PorcupineWhisperer

    PorcupineWhisperer New Member

    As a therapist, I have talked to many a difficult child about the facts of life. Most of my discussions have been with early teens (usually guys) at the request of their moms. I do get pretty graphic and always let the moms know in advance what I will cover and ask if there are any particular areas that they want me to address.

    I first try to find out what the kid already knows about the topic. Typically, many have already seen some pretty graphic stuff on the internet or have at least seen a Playboy. I always warn the guys that they should be careful on the internet, because it's not the same as looking at Playboy (or some similar publication). In a magazine they are pretty limited to what's on the pages, where with the internet, one link takes you to another and pretty soon you are dealing with some pretty advanced stuff.

    I typically will bring a condom to the session. Most boys can identify the foil package, but many have never seen (or touched) an actual condom. Before I have them open the package, I will have them look at the date and talk about the implications of using a condom that's past its prime. When they open the package and take the condom out, there is typically a resounding 'Eeeeewwwwww, that's GROSS!!!' :) . I conclude that portion of the talk by showing how to put on a condom by applying it to my first two fingers.

    I typically round things up by asking if there are any questions. Usually there are questions about 'mechanics'. Some have questions about things they've seen on the internet. One bipolar young man (who was about 14) wanted to know "What's the difference between a stripper and a prostitute?'

    I would offer one word of caution. I would really try to gauge the difficult child's comfort level in discussing this subject before the conversation begins. I think of one mom who found a jar of petroleum jelly in her adolescent sons’ bedroom and began questioning him about it. He made up a story about a rash and quickly attempted to change the subject. Mom (having a medical background) began asking more questions to determine if there was a medical issue. Because difficult child couldn't think of any plausible answers to her questions, he finally broke down and told her what he had been using it for. She tried to be supportive and began talking with him about it and reassured him that it was a normal thing that all boys do. difficult child later said that he was totally embarrassed talking about that topic with his mom and that he couldn't sleep the rest of the night.
  20. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Thanks for all the responses. Duckie is on the young side (8) but has some older friends. I'm definitely focusing on changes that her body will go through and have told her that the boys she knows will also change eventually to become men. I'll be picking up the A.G. book as well. PW- I bet those mothers appreciate you have a frank discussion with their sons. My thought is that most parents are willing to talk to their kids about sex but the kids have a hard time talking to mom or dad.