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Parent Emeritus
So HOW do I be supportive??? I give up.
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 723670" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I am glad he apologized. It sounds like there was no way to get any other outcome during your earlier conversation except the tirade that you got. It wasn't so much about what you said or didn't say, as it was about him being unable to control himself and his anger. </p><p></p><p>His apology shows that he is worried that he will lose you also. He knows that he didn't treat you well. If you stop talking to him or listening to him, he will have no one in his emotional world. He is probably very afraid of this. He knows you will not tolerate verbal abuse and he gave you a lot of it in his outburst. </p><p></p><p>He must have such poor self esteem. He has to have all of these fancy items from well known brand names. He has to show that he can afford the big expensive brand names, even though absolutely no one ever sees the inside of his home except for his son, himself and you if you ever get to go visit him. He clearly devotes a huge portion of his income to paying for these things when he cannot truly afford them. They must be a way to show himself that he is doing well, to prop himself up when he feels bad. He knows that even his siblings don't enjoy him. He knows that he doesn't fit in socially. He knows that things are his only solace and he is deep in debt trying to keep these things. It is a way to bolster his poor self esteem. I am sure that the time he spent married to his ex didn't help his self image one teeny little bit, either.</p><p></p><p>Part of the "I can only be treated by a Ph.D psychologist" is because he has so very little self esteem. Some part of him is terribly sure that he is so messed up that it will take someone terribly qualified to untangle his problems and fix him. He hides it behind the bluster of "How Important I Am!" but really it is a way to announce how much he believes he is so incredibly messed up. I find that terribly sad.</p><p></p><p>I hope some day Bart can learn to accept himself and to be happy living within his means. I do truly hope that he gets the custody mess settled, or the judge finally tells the mother that if she brings another action before the court, it had better be due to verifiable abuse or she will lose custody completely. I also hope that the constant custody battle will make your grandson see that he is more of a pawn to at least his mother, and maybe this will turn him more to his father. If Bart listens to what his son wants as his son gets older. </p><p></p><p>Please go find something positive to do with your day! There has to be some better thing to do with your day!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 723670, member: 1233"] I am glad he apologized. It sounds like there was no way to get any other outcome during your earlier conversation except the tirade that you got. It wasn't so much about what you said or didn't say, as it was about him being unable to control himself and his anger. His apology shows that he is worried that he will lose you also. He knows that he didn't treat you well. If you stop talking to him or listening to him, he will have no one in his emotional world. He is probably very afraid of this. He knows you will not tolerate verbal abuse and he gave you a lot of it in his outburst. He must have such poor self esteem. He has to have all of these fancy items from well known brand names. He has to show that he can afford the big expensive brand names, even though absolutely no one ever sees the inside of his home except for his son, himself and you if you ever get to go visit him. He clearly devotes a huge portion of his income to paying for these things when he cannot truly afford them. They must be a way to show himself that he is doing well, to prop himself up when he feels bad. He knows that even his siblings don't enjoy him. He knows that he doesn't fit in socially. He knows that things are his only solace and he is deep in debt trying to keep these things. It is a way to bolster his poor self esteem. I am sure that the time he spent married to his ex didn't help his self image one teeny little bit, either. Part of the "I can only be treated by a Ph.D psychologist" is because he has so very little self esteem. Some part of him is terribly sure that he is so messed up that it will take someone terribly qualified to untangle his problems and fix him. He hides it behind the bluster of "How Important I Am!" but really it is a way to announce how much he believes he is so incredibly messed up. I find that terribly sad. I hope some day Bart can learn to accept himself and to be happy living within his means. I do truly hope that he gets the custody mess settled, or the judge finally tells the mother that if she brings another action before the court, it had better be due to verifiable abuse or she will lose custody completely. I also hope that the constant custody battle will make your grandson see that he is more of a pawn to at least his mother, and maybe this will turn him more to his father. If Bart listens to what his son wants as his son gets older. Please go find something positive to do with your day! There has to be some better thing to do with your day!! [/QUOTE]
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So HOW do I be supportive??? I give up.
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