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So, how do you detach? What did YOU do?
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<blockquote data-quote="PennyFromTheBlock" data-source="post: 633804" data-attributes="member: 18271"><p>This all makes me feel so much better. Not that I'm glad we've all dealt with these things, but just knowing (again) that I'm not alone? Helps SO MUCH!</p><p></p><p>I went to bookstore tonight and got CoDependent no more and Boundaries. I also bought the 'workbook' that goes with CoDependent no more. I'm looking for Without Conscience- Barnes and Noble here didn't have it, so I'll have to order that one.</p><p></p><p>When I think back- my difficult child also has always been this way- and when I'm honest with myself, I made excuses for his behavior. From ADHD where his desire to do something outweighed his fear of consequence, to stealing change from my car, to stealing my daughter's candy money when he was in 1st or 2nd grade (you know when kids have to 'sell' candy). To actually setting and staging a scene - he was maybe, 7 or 8- I had a CD player that I had hooked to my cassette player in my vehicle...you know, so you could listen to CD's? Well, one morning very early- before time to get up for school, he comes and wakes me up and tells me someone has been in our car (in the garage!) - I go out and my CD player is gone. Crazy! So I talk to him and we try to see if anything else was gone. Nothing. I had to go and honestly I knew he did it. I was late to work that day- and just on a whim I opened the doors on my coffee table, and there's my CD player. He wanted it and took it AND staged a crime scene! I had a friend whose exhusband was a police officer so she called him for me and I had two police from the local community college (by our house) come by to 'scare him'. Man, he was in so much trouble so after school I sent him to his room. When the police got there, I told him he had company and his eyes were like saucers. </p><p></p><p>When I caught him lighting matches in his room, I took him by the fire department.</p><p></p><p>When he was in 4th/5th grade, he was convinced this one teacher would 'fail him' because she didn't 'like him'. No matter how much LOGIC I used to explain to him that no, she would have to JUSTIFY a failing grade, she couldn't just fail him arbitrarily- he flat didn't buy it. It wasn't until I told him that she likely would do anything to pass him given that since 'according to him' she didn't LIKE him, she surely didn't want to teach him another full year- that is what shut him up.</p><p></p><p>I guess for much of this I chalked it up to him being a busy boy. A handful. </p><p></p><p>I still have a folder in my email account from emails regarding him in school from 4th grade on. Sometimes I go back and look at those and just shake my head. I never had a moments peace back then.</p><p></p><p>Update: I've not heard anything from him since last Sunday. I had a missed call Thursday from him, but he didn't leave a message or text me so I never called him back. I'm staying at my mom's, and evidently he has a friend in this complex (condos, some own and some rent over here) because I've seen the car. But it appears to not have moved.</p><p></p><p>His sister hasn't heard anything else from him either. I'm actually shocked by that given that I got paid today and trust me- my kids have ALWAYS been observant of that. I halfway expected to have text messages from him first thing this morning. But maybe he doesn't realize I got my check today since Monday is a holiday. I don't know.</p><p></p><p>This is too long....so I'll stop- but just know it helps to tell some of this and not have people say "I don't know how you do it, I'd have put him out and shut him off a long time ago". Unless you have LIVED with one of these kids, you just don't know.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="PennyFromTheBlock, post: 633804, member: 18271"] This all makes me feel so much better. Not that I'm glad we've all dealt with these things, but just knowing (again) that I'm not alone? Helps SO MUCH! I went to bookstore tonight and got CoDependent no more and Boundaries. I also bought the 'workbook' that goes with CoDependent no more. I'm looking for Without Conscience- Barnes and Noble here didn't have it, so I'll have to order that one. When I think back- my difficult child also has always been this way- and when I'm honest with myself, I made excuses for his behavior. From ADHD where his desire to do something outweighed his fear of consequence, to stealing change from my car, to stealing my daughter's candy money when he was in 1st or 2nd grade (you know when kids have to 'sell' candy). To actually setting and staging a scene - he was maybe, 7 or 8- I had a CD player that I had hooked to my cassette player in my vehicle...you know, so you could listen to CD's? Well, one morning very early- before time to get up for school, he comes and wakes me up and tells me someone has been in our car (in the garage!) - I go out and my CD player is gone. Crazy! So I talk to him and we try to see if anything else was gone. Nothing. I had to go and honestly I knew he did it. I was late to work that day- and just on a whim I opened the doors on my coffee table, and there's my CD player. He wanted it and took it AND staged a crime scene! I had a friend whose exhusband was a police officer so she called him for me and I had two police from the local community college (by our house) come by to 'scare him'. Man, he was in so much trouble so after school I sent him to his room. When the police got there, I told him he had company and his eyes were like saucers. When I caught him lighting matches in his room, I took him by the fire department. When he was in 4th/5th grade, he was convinced this one teacher would 'fail him' because she didn't 'like him'. No matter how much LOGIC I used to explain to him that no, she would have to JUSTIFY a failing grade, she couldn't just fail him arbitrarily- he flat didn't buy it. It wasn't until I told him that she likely would do anything to pass him given that since 'according to him' she didn't LIKE him, she surely didn't want to teach him another full year- that is what shut him up. I guess for much of this I chalked it up to him being a busy boy. A handful. I still have a folder in my email account from emails regarding him in school from 4th grade on. Sometimes I go back and look at those and just shake my head. I never had a moments peace back then. Update: I've not heard anything from him since last Sunday. I had a missed call Thursday from him, but he didn't leave a message or text me so I never called him back. I'm staying at my mom's, and evidently he has a friend in this complex (condos, some own and some rent over here) because I've seen the car. But it appears to not have moved. His sister hasn't heard anything else from him either. I'm actually shocked by that given that I got paid today and trust me- my kids have ALWAYS been observant of that. I halfway expected to have text messages from him first thing this morning. But maybe he doesn't realize I got my check today since Monday is a holiday. I don't know. This is too long....so I'll stop- but just know it helps to tell some of this and not have people say "I don't know how you do it, I'd have put him out and shut him off a long time ago". Unless you have LIVED with one of these kids, you just don't know. [/QUOTE]
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So, how do you detach? What did YOU do?
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