So how long does it take...........

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Steely, Sep 7, 2011.

  1. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    To feel normal again?

    You all know my year, the loss of job, dog, house, and dad. Then the endless moving of Mom, Matt and Me. And now that everything is settled, I feel empty, gone, emotionless, and more than anything tired. Just stupidly tired. Like I wake up and go for a walk, and immediately want to take a nap. And I don't think it is physical, more mental. Like everything just seems too hard.

    Maybe if I had a full time job it would be better? But I have yet to find anything here. And with that, might I say, I am not looking as hard as I should - it all seems so futile.

    I am taking my vitamins, eating well-ish, sleeping a lot, sort of exercising but I could do a lot more. Maybe I should join a gym or something.

    I don't know - just wondering if any of you have been through this or have any advice.

    I feel kind of frantic - like what if I stay this way forever? Will I ever be the same? How long will this take? You know, like a child - lol.
  2. muttmeister

    muttmeister Well-Known Member

    Well, my first reaction was to say I don't know because I've never been normal but I know you're not looking for a smart donkey remark so I'll reconsider.

    After all you've been through, I should think that it is going to be normal for it to take some time to hit your stride again. That kind of tiredness is often a sign of depression. I know you probably have considered that but it's still easy to discount that aspect of things.

    It's great that you're taking care of yourself physically. Is there anyplace you can develop a support group? Friends? This might be a good time to join a church, volunteer for a cause, join a political group, a book club through the library, go to some craft classes, go someplace to meet like-minded people. Just getting out and talking to some different people can be helpful. It doesn't have to be a deep connection or people you want to tell you life history to - just some surface connections can get you rolling in the right direction.

    Good luck.
  3. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I think Mutt nailed it in her response. Seems to me like you may just be waiting for the "next crisis" and are exhausted at the possibility. Volunteer work is a super idea..especially if you can choose the hours of participation. Hugs. DDD
  4. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    in my humble opinion, no, you won't feel what you remember as normal. You'll heal in time and create a new normal, hopefully a better normal.
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I agree with HaoZi.

    Might be time to investigate some new interests to get away from the same old, same old.

    Volunteering might be fun. Try a new craft. Take a class. Join a book club. ect.

  6. keista

    keista New Member

    I agree with everyone above, and will repeat what muttmeister said regarding depression. That tiredness can be a sign, and if finding and participating in new found activities does not bring you any closer to "normal" and make the tiredness diminish, please seek some assistance. And yes, it will be a "new normal".
  7. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Short answer:
    1) No, you will not stay this way forever. This is where you are at in your journey. It is a process, but you will move forward.

    2) None of us can ever to "back" to what we were before. We only move forward, from where we are. You can again become, on some level, healthy and strong, looking after yourself, and so on. But it will be different than before.

    3) It takes... however long it takes. There is no magic formula. It it a process. But having said that... please consider that any ONE of the events in your recent history is toward the top of the "life stress" list. You need some time and space to get your feet back under you.

    Hang in there, Steely.
    Look for the little things that make a difference.
    If the gym is a place you like to be (not a place you feel you "should" be), then pursue it.
    But this is not the time to beat yourself up over what you "should" do.
    Find a support group - if that works for you.
    Look for activities that are high on your "feel-good" list, so you have reasons to reach out and up.
    Take care of yourself.

    Little by little, you'll start to climb.
    Then, one day, you discover you're much higher than you thought... and you're ready for more.

    And when you do get a bad spell - we're here. Come and grab a knot.
  8. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Thanks. Ever since I can remember, when things got tough, my first thought was that I should kill myself. It has always been there, this thought, every time I get distressed. Of course I have never acted on it, yet the thought is always there. The more stressed I am, the harder this thought pounds in my mind. This week has been one of those weeks. It feels horrible, to not only feel this distraught about life, but to battle this invasive mantra in my head. Despite medication, despite counseling, it is always there. My sister always said that if I lost Matt, she would be by my side because she knew I would want to end it all.....she never mentioned what would happen if she died. I really have never felt so alone, it is just me - just me - to find the mortar to fill in all the cracks of my soul -and that reality stinks.
  9. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Have you started with the new therapist yet?

    As to waiting to be "normal" again, I was watching a true crime type program the other day and they were talking with a young 30-something woman who when she was in college was shot - along with her date - by a guy who "wanted to know what it would feel like to kill someone." Her date died, and she was shot multiple times. The gunman thought she was dead but she pulled through after spending months in the hospital. All these years later she still has no feeling in her right side, etc.

    Anyway, she spent a lot of time anticipating that something bad would happen. It crippled her life. She said that she told her mom "when I be that same girl I was before I was shot?" Eventually her mother told her that she would never be that girl again, she would be the person that she is and will become, and she is wonderful as the person that she is. She took it to heart and started to live again. She really seemed like she was living a good life and happy.

    I don't know what it is that "normal" is. I know that we all move forward in life and we never are what we were. You need to find a way to be content with the Steely that you are. You'll never be the person that you were. None of us are the person we were. We all have life experiences that change us every day. Some are big, some aren't. And then we make the best we can of life. I think that whatever it is that you thought your were before, you have to give that up and just start being the best "you" that you can. Fretting isn't going to undo what's been done.
  10. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    I also have suicidal thoughts a lot and have had for 12 years. What has helped me was the realization that no matter how bad the thoughts became I would not do it. Just that thought has helped keep them at bay. Yes things will be bad. Yes that will be in my head. No I will never act on it.

    I can sympathize about the tired. I'm sorry I don't know the answer about how long.