..............To a trapeze, which I almost caught, but instead slipped, so I was catapulted through the air, flying like superman. Yep, I did my first ropes course today! And it was the scariest physical adventure I have ever done. EVER! EVER! It was a truly interesting & self reflective moment, this day. (And all with my co-workers......hmmmm.) It started with some benign wall climbing stuff, and then progressed to the "trust fall", where you fall backward into eveyone's arms. All I could think about was how this team of people at work has stabbed me in the back so many times, why would I literally fall into their arms. So I chose not to do it. Then it progressed to climbing these huge ladders as a team. As I watched the teams climb, or try to climb the ladder, I had a panic attack and bowed out. There was only one group that could actually do it, but by then I was feeling bad that I was only being a passive participant, and starting to want to push through my own mortal fear. So the next exercise was climbing a telephone pole, and then balancing on a platform 1' x2' while another person climbed to the top to join you. Then the 2 of you had to stand on the 1' x 2' platform together, while the pole quivered, and both of you jump trying to catch a trapeze. I was having a full blown panic attack, and yet I did it. I stood up, holding my bosses hand, and jumped into thin air. I think I am just now recovering - however - I overcame something I did not think I could overcome. My own mental barrier. I hate to be watched by people while doing physical things..........hate it. I never played team sports or was athletic in any way. I am really very self conscious. And yet here we all are, our big butts waving in the wind climbing ladders and telephone poles for all to see. I did not want to be that vulnerable. However I did it. The really interesting point of this, is it was supposed to be team building - and yet had my therapist been there I would have been in and out of therapy all day. It brought up so many, many emotions. My own inadequacies, my fear of being vulnerable, my lack of trust, in everyone! I am pretty sure every PTS issue I have was touched on today. It was really intense. And of couse my sister - resurfaced over and over again. And Matt, and how he is out there doing this same thing every day in his therapeutic program in Utah, and today was only a glimpse into his own personal trek. Really, today was a journey of proportion. I would encourage you, if you have an opportunity to do something like this, to do it. Wow. And to those of you who have done it. Kudos.