so, it finally happpened

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by guest3, Apr 18, 2007.

  1. guest3

    guest3 Guest

    so, it finally happpened.............

    School called DYFS on us.

    d/h had had an altercation with difficult child II the evening prior, difficult child II was physically lashing out at difficult child I and then d/h when he intervened. difficult child II was blazing mad at loss of privaledges, and it was evident he was still in that "zone" when he left for school in the morning.

    Luckily we got a very good cop and a very good DYFS case worker. It still was an exhausting day emotionally. And difficult child II once he was caught up in the "un-truths" from his story was very apologetic and kept saying he doesn't remember what happens when he gets mad.

    Of course I now can see clearly he was prompted into saying certain things by his teacher. I mean I realize the schools have to go by protocol and I am far from anti-DYFS, my sister is a case worker in another county. But the term "closed fist" was not in my child's vocabulary until yesterday, and no for the record, d/h did not punch him. Not like I can address these feelings with the teacher, sigh...........

    thank you for listening, I am so exhausted and overwhelmed at the thought of my difficult child's futures, it is all very disheartening. But it's a new day, Time to try and put on happy face...........
  2. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    It's not an unusual occurrence for child protection to be called in for a mentally ill difficult child.

    The sad part is that many adults take what a difficult child is saying at face value without getting the other side of the story. The law here is if there is a "mark" after 24 hours CPS must be called.

    We've been lucky in that we've had a lot of cooperation with CPS - in fact, they got us the help we so desperately needed.

    I'm praying for a better day for you & your entire family.
  3. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well noone can say that you don't have the right attitude!!!!!

    Thinking about the future of our children can be a scary thing. I just feel so positive about what difficult child could contribute, but then I see how difficult it is for him to navigate his frustration and disapointment, that I just don't know........

    Sorry DYFS was called, but it sounds as if you guys can handle this. Why would difficult child be talking to his teacher about what happened at home? Did he have some visible signs of the scuffle the night before? We are talking about the 10 year old right?

    Hope your words ring true and this new day is positive.

  4. guest3

    guest3 Guest

    thank you for the words of encouragement.

    No signs of a scuffle, d/h had to restrict him from hitting him (d/h has stitches in his hand). but difficult child II was just still in the "zone" and blazing mad at my husband the next morning. He has habit of telling us he hates our gutts and last night d/h lost it and yelled back "I hate your gutts!" (d/h is not perfect parent, but not an abuser) Well apparantly difficult child II could not believe he said such a thing to him.

    He is in a small class at school and has a young male spcl-ed teacher who he is very close with, I am thankful for their relationship. According to the school he's "fine" there with them (this is his 1st year in this town, his prior school would beg to differ), so I can't help but feel they are pointing their finger at us. Until something goes awry and I am the one taking my son for another emergency psychiatric evaluation and fighting once again to keep him in the public school system.
  5. guest3

    guest3 Guest

    PS: I am thrilled at the fact that we now qualify for an inhome behavioral therapist, I/we will take all the help we can get for difficult child II. We make OK money but his mental health expenses including medications are just under $400 a month! And we're now in the proccess of seeing a Neurologist because it just seems there's no benefits/resources for a bi-polar child, yet if he has a Neurological diagnosis then he has a huge pool of resources, and SS benefits are easier to get if you need them.
  6. Stella Johnson

    Stella Johnson Active Member

    You are right about the neuro diagnosis versus the bipolar one. With my insurance it covers neuro the same as any other illness but with a psychiatric diagnosis.... well there is a $500 deductible and a limit on how many times she could see the psychiatrist each year. The bills were killing me.

    Luckily I found a great Neurologist that does better with difficult child than the the old psychiatrist. Her Depakote was increased but the Abilify was reduced. She has done really well.

    I have had CPS called so many times over difficult child's stories. I can't even count them all. My difficult child is also very good at the "poor me" stories.

    Maybe they can give you more help. Wouldn't hurt to ask.

  7. nlg319

    nlg319 New Member

    So sorry you had to go through this...I am currently in the middle of my own crisis with DSS. I voluntarily asked for services and now we have been filed on again! I know that we have done nothing wrong so I am not worried about it.

    Good news that you have in home services..Hope it will be helpful.
  8. KFld

    KFld New Member

    I'm glad you got a good case worker. There are many out there, but then again!!

    We were lucky years ago when my difficult child first started seeing wingnut (those of you who visit pe and substance abuse know who wingnut is, my difficult child's girlfriend), anywho, we had DCF show up at our door one day because somebody had told a school staff member at my sons school that she was secretly dating my difficult child and that he was physicially abusive to her, myself and his sister. Well I certainly couldn't say 100% that he was abusive to her, but I knew he had never laid a hand on myself or my easy child daughter and luckily the case worker could see that from talking to us and the accusations were unsubstantiated and dropped. It just so happened that difficult child had found a new girlfriend for a short time and that didn't make wingnut very happy.

    The point I'm trying to make is to keep all paperwork you get from DYFS. I work in the human resources department at my job and you wouldn't believe the mess people get into because we do a dcf background check because we work with children. We will get reports for people who swear there case was unsubstantiated, but they didn't save the paperwork, so they have no proof. Save everything you get from them, FOREVER. You never know when this will pop up.
  9. guest3

    guest3 Guest

    thank you for the advice I think by year end I will need a much Bigger binder, LOL
  10. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    So sorry for your crazy day. :frown:
    How ironic that you qualify for an in-home therapist now. When life gives you lemons...
    That is irritating about being prompted by the teacher, too... closed fist, etc. Grrr.
    Good luck!
    How is difficult child today?
  11. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member

    Well, I hope that Dyfs saw the truth and hopefully you will get some benefit from it rather than greif. Perhaps the in-home counselor can provide some support for your family.

    Not sure what ins. you have, but we have BCBS. If you need some questions answered regarding it, let me know. Unfortunately, I have way too much info regarding this.