Here I was thinking that H and I were on the same page...that we'd finaly come to an understanding of sorts in regards to difficult child. Last night, after I told difficult child she could not use my car, she stormed. Monkeyboy, her Knight in Shining Armor, appeared within 20 minutes to rescue her from her Big Bad Parents and left. Ugh, then later called us for a ride home! WHAT??? I don't think so. Anyway... H and I didn't disagree about our decisions or reactions, etc., at all. We were/are okay in that department. However, in the midst of his ranting, he said a few things that really cut me to the quick and hurt me deeply. He said that as a kid I coddled her too much and that I never should have fought to have her picked up as Special Education and that I taught her that she "didn't have to try because she thinks she not smart enough", that I made allowances for her. Now, I will be the first to admit that I second guess whether or not I just should have let her suffer through it and hope for the best that she'd come out okay....but we're talking about a child who felt so socially inept amongst her peers, her scores on the IQ and psychological testings indicated that something was not right, she was diagnosed with tourettes syndrome at age 10 and medicated lightly to control her tics so the kids wouldn't persecute her in class. This child OFTEN had thoughts of self worthlessness and consequently suicide, she had a difficult time sorting out her relationship and love for H and her bio dad, which led to some really tough years. I mean, the symptoms of her difficult child-ness were so totally apparent to not only me, but most of her teachers as well as family. Yes, I suppose if I had 5 kids zipping around my house, her symptoms would have gone less noticed and I may have even ignored much of it and let her muddle through...and who knows? Maybe she would have been okay. I think no matter which avenue we took, she would have come out with a lot of scars, okay. And, for the record, I didn't coddle her. Instead, I made every effort to teach her from an early age how to advocate for herself, something she is actually very good at (albeit, her motives are misguided at times). And she always had a very active role in her treatment and we encouraged her and gave her every opportunity to feel good about herself. She CHOSE to live the way she's living. And she CHOSE to not take advantage of every opportunity that crosses her path. And she is making the choice to be a slack-***. That's what H calls her. He calls her a lazy slack-***, loser and drip....because that's who she's hanging with, it makes her one also. He doesn't call her that to her face, but that's what he says to me when we're alone. And the thing is, it's apparent in their interactions with one another. I don't know if the tension that has come back into our relationship with difficult child is caused by OUR reaction to her seeing Monkeyboy again or if it's HER simply being affected by being with him again. Anyway, H's comments really hurt me...I don't believe there is one of us who hasn't second guessed the way they handled their difficult child along the way, but I truly, in my heart of hearts, believe that I did my best and that my main obective with BOTH my daughters was to have them grow into independent, self sufficient, happy, loving and giving adults. I see that in easy child. I don't know the exact cause of why difficult child didn't go that route, but how can two children turn out so completely different when they were raised in the same house by the same parents with the same rules, etc., if not for genetics??? I am still upset with H and I told him so. He apologized and when I asked him what he was apologizing for he couldn't say. So much for the heartfelt apology. It just bites.