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So Many Thoughts On Family, Neighbors, Strangers, YOU ALL!!!!!!
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 657612" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Sweet Daughter, bullies are NOT strong. Being strong in bullying means being an aggressive abuser.</p><p></p><p>Of course they think they are right. They could not live with themselves if they faced the truth. You don't think though that deep inside your family knows that they take shameless horrible advantage of you and then don't even act nice to you about it? I think it's possible to *know* but refuse to let the truth rise to the forefront of one's mind.</p><p></p><p>A bully is never strong. Name one person you know who bullies you who would take on a worthy opponent? One who sis not afraid of him/her? They only take on those they feel they can hurt and beat down. While I did talk back, I was very vulnerable and they all knew it and played on it and E. pushed my buttons on purpose for reasons I don't know. Maybe she wanted to be able to prove that I lost my temper.</p><p></p><p>But as my therapist said, losing your temper is a mainstream behavior, especially when you have been mistreated and have held so much inside. It is something, however, the abusers like to use as fodder.</p><p></p><p>If you think about it, anyone's behavior can be twisted into being borderline, abusive, deranged, evil, etc. We come from our own interpretations of our family experiences and points of view and we have to choose who we are close to based on what is best for us and how we feel we are being treated. I'm positive Thing 2 things *I* was the abuser. I've seen her point of view on certain events, so different from mine. And it's ok for her to feel that way. Just don't bother <em><strong>ME</strong></em> about how you feel. Talk to <em><strong>others</strong></em> about it, and leave me alone and it's all good. She, and everyone else, has a right to think what she likes. And to work on her issues by what she perceived to be our family. The only consistent thing this proves is that our family (parental guidance) was a mess...and that we all have had to heal from their treatment of us. THAT is hard to dispute. As the chld, I certainly did not start our family dynamics nor did they. It's on the shoulders, in my opinion, mostly of E. I can't say dad was completely absolved. I do understand his point of view better though and he always treated me exactly the same as he treated the others and he had/has no favorites. He did THAT right. And, as pathetic as that crumb is, I have told him over and over of late that I so appreciate that he treated me as worthy or as unworthy as the others, but no worse. I REALLY appreciate this, since everyone else treated me as the family problem, even though I wasn't around the family much.</p><p></p><p>They go for the vulnerable people, like us.</p><p></p><p>I say that as bullied no more. And I don't want my wonderful cyber-daughter to wait this long to stop being bullied. I'm afraid your kids will pick up on how everyone treats you and copy it.</p><p></p><p>My kids were spared. It was pretty much over by the time my kids were around. Mom was barely there. Thing 1 was living far away so he never got to know them (which is his loss. He'd like them). Thing 2 was back and forth and thankfully her husband at the time was not into getting together during holidays as a family. I am glad my kids did not have that family in their lives. I was damaged by the abuse, but they were not.</p><p></p><p>Take your kids to safety.</p><p></p><p>But...do it on your own time. If you ever need any private talk, you can always PM me. I care a lot about you being so young and already bravely rethinking your life. Many of us don't get it until our 50's and later. You are not only brave; you are smart.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 657612, member: 1550"] Sweet Daughter, bullies are NOT strong. Being strong in bullying means being an aggressive abuser. Of course they think they are right. They could not live with themselves if they faced the truth. You don't think though that deep inside your family knows that they take shameless horrible advantage of you and then don't even act nice to you about it? I think it's possible to *know* but refuse to let the truth rise to the forefront of one's mind. A bully is never strong. Name one person you know who bullies you who would take on a worthy opponent? One who sis not afraid of him/her? They only take on those they feel they can hurt and beat down. While I did talk back, I was very vulnerable and they all knew it and played on it and E. pushed my buttons on purpose for reasons I don't know. Maybe she wanted to be able to prove that I lost my temper. But as my therapist said, losing your temper is a mainstream behavior, especially when you have been mistreated and have held so much inside. It is something, however, the abusers like to use as fodder. If you think about it, anyone's behavior can be twisted into being borderline, abusive, deranged, evil, etc. We come from our own interpretations of our family experiences and points of view and we have to choose who we are close to based on what is best for us and how we feel we are being treated. I'm positive Thing 2 things *I* was the abuser. I've seen her point of view on certain events, so different from mine. And it's ok for her to feel that way. Just don't bother [I][B]ME[/B][/I] about how you feel. Talk to [I][B]others[/B][/I] about it, and leave me alone and it's all good. She, and everyone else, has a right to think what she likes. And to work on her issues by what she perceived to be our family. The only consistent thing this proves is that our family (parental guidance) was a mess...and that we all have had to heal from their treatment of us. THAT is hard to dispute. As the chld, I certainly did not start our family dynamics nor did they. It's on the shoulders, in my opinion, mostly of E. I can't say dad was completely absolved. I do understand his point of view better though and he always treated me exactly the same as he treated the others and he had/has no favorites. He did THAT right. And, as pathetic as that crumb is, I have told him over and over of late that I so appreciate that he treated me as worthy or as unworthy as the others, but no worse. I REALLY appreciate this, since everyone else treated me as the family problem, even though I wasn't around the family much. They go for the vulnerable people, like us. I say that as bullied no more. And I don't want my wonderful cyber-daughter to wait this long to stop being bullied. I'm afraid your kids will pick up on how everyone treats you and copy it. My kids were spared. It was pretty much over by the time my kids were around. Mom was barely there. Thing 1 was living far away so he never got to know them (which is his loss. He'd like them). Thing 2 was back and forth and thankfully her husband at the time was not into getting together during holidays as a family. I am glad my kids did not have that family in their lives. I was damaged by the abuse, but they were not. Take your kids to safety. But...do it on your own time. If you ever need any private talk, you can always PM me. I care a lot about you being so young and already bravely rethinking your life. Many of us don't get it until our 50's and later. You are not only brave; you are smart. [/QUOTE]
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