So much for enjoying my retirement!


Well-Known Member
It looks like I will be moving my 98 year old mother in with me soon. She can stay in the nursing home as long as she is doing therapy for her hip but once we reach the point that Medicare will no longer pay, she will have to move in with me. All of my bedrooms are upstairs so I guess that means I will put a bed in my dining room. I have no clue how we will get her in and out of the bathtub but I guess we'll figure out something. According to Medicaid, the only way they will pay is if we sell my son's house (see my other post) and we're NOT going to do that.

If things were normal, I might have the energy to fight the system but with the $#!+ storm that's been going on in my life lately, there's no way. I give up. They won; they don't have to pay for her. A $2500 house (at best) is worth taking her out of care for. What a bunch of idiots!

In addition to that, if difficult child gets custody of his 3 kids, they will probably be living here too, at least until he's able to fix his house (half of the foundation is torn out at this point and it has no plumbing) and that probably won't be till at least spring.

I'd like to disappear but they've all spent all of my money so I probably could buy enough gas to go about 25 miles.

Happy Holidays.:grrr:


Well-Known Member
This is one of those times, Mutt, when I'm going to input when Idon't have a clue about all the details. Just ignore me if this isn't relevant. "The house" is what I'm thinking about. Is it possible for you to have the Building Dept or the Zoning Dept in your town declare that it is uninhabitable and therefore can't be sold at this time? It might buy you some time and allow your Mom to stay in the most appropriate environment during the winter at least. Hugs DDD


Well-Known Member
Thanks DDD but I live in a town of less than 200 people There is no zoning here or anything else; my neighbors have a herd of goats. That should tell you something about this area.


Well-Known Member
Staff member
Geez Mutt, I'm so sorry, it's really hard to get to this age and have so many to care for, especially after they used up your money too. At some point this will be in the past, but right now you sure are getting squeezed...........just wanted you to know I read your post, no real answers here, just heaps of empathy and understanding...................

Marcie Mac

Just Plain Ole Tired
Mutt I feel for you. I was taking care of SO's mom who is 80 until we could get her into a nursing home. Besides SO and I never being able to leave the house together (unless it was for about 15 minutes for a run to the store and one of the boys agreed to just stay put till we got back) I ended up with a hernia pushing, pulling and lifting her. The doctor did get them to ok having a nurse come in twice a week to take her to the shower. Am not much younger than you and it was really hard till we had some help.

Just throwing out stuff from the top of my head - can you call the local congressman and ask for help. Go down to the medi cal office and bring a copy of the receipt that shows your son paid her back. Sometimes you just have to sit there till someone helps you. Honest to gawd bean counters make me absolutely crazy. Beg your doctor for assistance. Call the local TV station.



Well-Known Member
Talked to them at the nursing home today; the deal is done. She can stay there for awhile as she is still making progress with hip therapy but when that is done Medicare quits paying and she will come to my house. They will help find her a shower seat. I already got a bed to put in my dining room. Cousin has a transport chair we can use. The home does offer senior daycare in case I need to be gone and have no one to sit for her. Not sure what it costs but we'll have her SS to pay her expenses from so it would probably be do-able. They can also arrange for a visiting nurse if we reach that point. Because of her cancer, I don't think this will be a LONG term thing. She will be happier here and I think we can swing it. NOt an ideal situation but I guess getting old never is.


Well-Known Member
See if there is also provision for "respite" - not just for a "sitter" to come in for a few hours, but, for her to go back to the facility for a weekend or a week, to give you a break. Even here, they love to have people be "cared for at home" (way cheaper), so they are prepared to offer things like respite so the caregiver can... get away for a vacation, or attend a wedding, or other "ordinary" life events.


Well-Known Member
Wow, this is a huge undertaking. But since she's got cancer, and her time is short, you may be happy to have had her around at the end.
Yes, your DR is certain to be her new bedroom, therapy area and hospice home.
Any idea when all of this will happen? December?

Hound dog

Nana's are Beautiful

Did they actually repair your mom's hip at her age??

Ok. That was the original reason mother in law went into the nursing home, same as your mom. Although we did try a stint with asst living that didn't work out. Then back to nursing home. They didn't repair mother in law's hip, at 96 the surgery was deemed too dangerous to even attempt. Nursing home was paid as long as she did therapy for the hip. Now at this point I could care less if it is legal or not, but nursing home staff, pt ect who knew she obviously was never going to improve worth a darn and it certainly would never be safe enough to return home ect, got on the same page with us and kept that pt going (which kept the bills paid) for well over a year or more. It only stopped because mother in law refused to go after that point. Once it stopped, it was a whole other ball game and the house had to be sold ect ect.

So perhaps pt and staff would be willing to keep her in therapy as long as humanly possible knowing the strain on you ect that this situation is causing.

Another idea, is there maybe someone in a local church or something with nurse aide or nursing that would like to earn a tad bit of spending money? Maybe just to come in and help you bathe her and put her to bed? I know money is tight for everyone but thought if you could handle it up to that point perhaps it would take part of the load off you. And you could have them help you learn to work with bedpans and the like so it is far easier on you. It is not hard, there is just a method that works well and those that don't and make a mess. Any possible way of making her up a bed on the lower floor? Maybe pick a corner of a room and set up a curtain/drape for privacy. My mom moved her bedroom to the family room for this reason. My mother in law moved down into her living room for the same reason. It worked ok for both of them.

Just trying to toss out some ideas to make this less stressful and more doable for you.


Hound dog

Nana's are Beautiful
Also contact the cancer society, your mom may be qualified for more services than you think. :)


Well-Known Member
GREAT idea, Hound Dog! I'd forgotten about the Cancer Society. They have local chapters. Even if you're in the boondocks, Mutt, you can call the closest city. They can provide errands, walkers, wheelchairs, etc. Call and ask them what they have and tell them you are new at this. Their volunteers will deliver everything and pick it up when you no longer need it.


member since 1999
You might want to have them recheck Medicare benefits - I recently read an article that Medicare will now pay for PT if it is to *maintain* function, as opposed to limiting PT to regaining function. It made an impression on me because it's always burnt my toast that Boo can only get PT to regain function (which he obviously never will), but not to hold onto ROM he's got now. on the other hand, insurance co's will be more than happy to pay for surgery to "fix" contractures, etc. Always seemed bass ackwards to me - why not avoid surgery in the first place? Anyway, while he's not on Medicare, seems like insurance companies usually follow Medicare's lead, which is why the article clicked with- me in the first place.

I couldn't find the exact article, but did find this: "In 2012, Medicare will cover up to $1,880 for physical and speech therapy combined, and another $1,880 for occupational therapy. If you are approaching the limit and need more therapy, your doctor can tell Medicare that it’s medically necessary for you to continue. Medicare is most likely to cover additional therapy if your case is medically complicated."

The article also talked about SNF and Part B funding, etc.


Well-Known Member
Thanks, guys. I'm getting some ideas here.

Yes, they did repair her hip. When she fell (or before she fell) the ball broke off so it was not a traditional broken hip. That sounds awful but they tell me it is much better because instead of doing the pins, etc. what they did was really half a hip replacement. She is walking much better than I ever thought she would; it's amazing. So far, she has no real symptoms from the cancer and we are hoping something else gets her first before that gets bad but she's so darned healthy otherwise that it may not happen.

Since the broken hip she has been really confused. When I was there today she was out of her room for therapy and she couldn't get it through her head that she lived in that place. I'm thinking that being back in a familiar place may help. Don't know but it can't hurt!

Thanks for all of the advice; you all have really good ideas.


Well-Known Member
Mutt, my cousin was confused for over a wk when she got home from her last surgery. I think it's the anesthesia, and all of the changes in body and blood chemistry and pH, plus the change in living place, ie. nursing home to hospital back to nursing home again.


Well-Known Member
I will throw something here about the house. You can spend her down. I have no clue what that house is really worth but you can get it appraised and then sell it to whomever and that money is what would be considered hers. Now if it was in both their names, only half of it would be hers. Whatever amount puts her over, she only has to be off medicaid for that amount of months. Say the medicaid limit is 700 a month and her amount on the house was 2000, well,she is good after 3 months to have medicaid pay again.

hearts and roses

Mind Reader
I'm sorry Mutt. I suggest you contact or do a search on your state's Dept of Aging site or look in the blue pages and call their offices. There are many services available to her/you, even though she would be living in your home - she would still be eligible for things like a two/three day a week support person (this person is not a nurse, but they will help with bathing, light housework, dressing and feeding). She may also be eligible for free items such as a walker, wheelchair, cane, raised toilet seat and shower chair. She may also be eligible for Meals on Wheels - even if it's five lunches a week, that's less for you to worry about. Also, if her H was a veteran, she would be eligible for financial aid through the VA...the paperwork is a pita but they pay retro back to the date of application, so it may be work it.

And one more bit of advice, if you're not already doing it, keep her money separate from yours. Out of her SS, pay for all her needs, save the receipts. Anything above and beyond that that YOU pay, save receipts - keep good records and you may be able to get reimbursed through medicare or medicaid at some point.

How is her mind? If you think she's mentally failing, you can request that she be evaluated by the psychiatric dept at the nursing home and if she is deemed incapable of living on her own, navigating your home/stairs, etc., there is a chance you could apply for the Title 19 (medicaid) and have her remain in the nursing home.

Also, how far advanced is her cancer? Has her DR predicted how long it will be before she needs Hospice care? Once she needs hospice care, she can be admitted back into the nursing home and medicare will pay for that as long as she has hospice or is eligible for medicaid.

Best of luck and hugs.