Well, here's what happened...
After I posted this morning, I went about my day, but husband knew something was really bothering me (yea, ya think????). So I sat him down and I told him that the reason he wants difficult child to stay out of the hospital is for HIM, not for her. HE is the one who wants her to get a second chance...she does not care about a chance to do better on her own. HE is the one who wants her to comply with medications and other treatment....not difficult child. So keeping difficult child out of the hospital is in the best interest (emotionally speaking) of husband...and not of difficult child.
He admitted that this was true. He also admits that it is easier to pretend everything is fine than to acknowledge the reality...because the reality is so darn bizarre. BUT--he still wants to "give difficult child a chance"....and I could not persuade him any further...
So we went to see the doctor, and I told the doctor that I needed to speak with her alone. husband asked to be included and I told him I didn't have anything to say that he didn't already know--but if he stayed, he needed to let me talk and say what I needed to say...
So I got it all out. difficult child's freaky behaviors. husband being in denial. The level of anger, stress and anxiety that is building in our house. The fact that I cannot live like this any more and the fact that this is NOT OK for any of us, but especially for DS, who should not have to grow up this way.
At the moment, the doctor feels that difficult child's writings are (as Marg insightly suggested in my other thread) a kind of "outlet" for her aggressions. So right now, she is writing and fantasizing--but not about to actually act on these ideations until something happens.
but the doctor agreed that difficult child (and the family) would benefit from Residential Treatment Center (RTC), or day treatment center.
The bad news? All the places that doctor would have recommended as a good fit for difficult child have CLOSED due to budget cuts. So that leaves treatment that is not a good "fit"--but is better than nothing.
She recommended we try Residential Treatment Center (RTC) A....which already rejected difficult child....and she recommended we try Residential Treatment Center (RTC) B....which ALSO already rejected difficult child. Why did these places reject her? Because Residential Treatment Center (RTC) A is a minimal security "boarding school" type of setting that is really not equipped to handle difficult child's level of needs....and Residential Treatment Center (RTC) B is a "maximum security" type of institution that is for far worse cases than difficult child.
doctor also advised that we could possibly get difficult child admitted to a psychiatric hospital--but since she can put on such a convincing "angel act" and has not actually acted to harm anyone, it would be unlikely that the psychiatric hospital would hold her for very long....regardless of doctor's recommendation because the psychiatric hospital is for "crisis" situations only, and difficult child's actions are only a "threat", not a "crisis".
doctor feels that the attempt to admit difficult child to psychiatric hospital (and then only staying for a very short period of time) will not do anything to stabilize difficult child and may well be the "catalyst" that finally pushes her over the edge. IOW--we would get a very short repsite and then bring home a child that is out for revenge.
So, doctor offered difficult child a "job". difficult child is going to be a "camp counselor" at a week long therapy program that starts in about ten days. doctor is going to try and study difficult child during this program and see if she can determine whether difficult child is, in fact, hallucinating or hearing voices in regards to some of the things she has been saying - or whether difficult child is just saying and writing all this stuff just to freak us out. difficult child does not know she is going to be part of the therapy...doctor just told her she would get to be part of this fun camp where she will help out with some of the other kids who have issues.
And doctor told her that because this was an important job, difficult child needed to be sure that she was bahaving herself at home and keeping her anger under control, because if anything happened, difficult child would not be eligible for this "job".
And maybe DS should get away for a few days as a respite for him.
So I am kind of in the same place as before. Yes, we need help - no, there is no help available - so we have to just keep doing what we're doing.
This stinks. It really, really does...
