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So now driving has opened up a new set of difficult child adventures
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 637180" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>In one of the videos I watched, I heard, "The definition of insanity is to try doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.</p><p></p><p>Your 27 year old son should pay for his own insurance. Why would you pay for his? He could have a serious accident since he is a drug abuser and is way too old for you to be picking up those types of bills? You don't have to answer that to us. Just give it a few thoughts. If he gets into a serious accident while high or drunk (this applies to both boys) would you not feel a bit guilty for having enabled this by paying for insurance and gas and helping them be able to drive? Even if both paid for their own gas and insurance, if this were me, neither would ever have access to my cars nor would I help 17 year old who drinks to drive in my car. My guess is he is not mindful of being sober while he drives. Both could die in an accident or kill somebody else. My daughter had accidents, but after the first one, in which we had thought she quit using drugs, she never was allowed to use our car again. She drove friend's cars (I have to wonder how high they were to allow her to do it) and in all was in three bad accidents, one that cost her $16,000 or more long after she was sober. She was sued. She lost.</p><p></p><p>To me, this is a major safety issue. If you are not clean and sober for years, well, I won't help you be a danger on the road to yourself and others. Your 17 year old is not "most kids." He is a difficult child and at least gets drunk, if not more. Why would you want to put him on the street at all?Did he earn that right by showing responsibility? Remember, a car is a guided missile, only as reliable as the person behind the wheel. His age is not as important as how safe he is in the missile.</p><p></p><p>Yes, yes, I know it is hard to tell especially our rude difficult child kids "no" and to admit our adult children are different and may be unsafe doing things other people their ages do all the time. But facts are facts. It is what it is. And all that stuff.</p><p></p><p>Your older son, not only uses dangerous drugs and is not guaranteed to be clean and sober at any time, is way too old to be counting on his parents to pay his car insurance, his cell phone, his clothing, anything. He will have no incentive to grow up and get clean. You are supporting not just him, but his entire family. Are you that rich? I could never do that. You have yourselves to think about. You matter...you and your husband matter. Will either boy step up to the plate to care for YOU if it's needed? Can you afford this emotionally too? j</p><p></p><p>Has it helped either of your boys so far to pay their way as if they are six years old? Again, this is to think about, not to answer if you would rather not.</p><p></p><p>Insanity--Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.</p><p></p><p>Hugs!!!!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 637180, member: 1550"] In one of the videos I watched, I heard, "The definition of insanity is to try doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Your 27 year old son should pay for his own insurance. Why would you pay for his? He could have a serious accident since he is a drug abuser and is way too old for you to be picking up those types of bills? You don't have to answer that to us. Just give it a few thoughts. If he gets into a serious accident while high or drunk (this applies to both boys) would you not feel a bit guilty for having enabled this by paying for insurance and gas and helping them be able to drive? Even if both paid for their own gas and insurance, if this were me, neither would ever have access to my cars nor would I help 17 year old who drinks to drive in my car. My guess is he is not mindful of being sober while he drives. Both could die in an accident or kill somebody else. My daughter had accidents, but after the first one, in which we had thought she quit using drugs, she never was allowed to use our car again. She drove friend's cars (I have to wonder how high they were to allow her to do it) and in all was in three bad accidents, one that cost her $16,000 or more long after she was sober. She was sued. She lost. To me, this is a major safety issue. If you are not clean and sober for years, well, I won't help you be a danger on the road to yourself and others. Your 17 year old is not "most kids." He is a difficult child and at least gets drunk, if not more. Why would you want to put him on the street at all?Did he earn that right by showing responsibility? Remember, a car is a guided missile, only as reliable as the person behind the wheel. His age is not as important as how safe he is in the missile. Yes, yes, I know it is hard to tell especially our rude difficult child kids "no" and to admit our adult children are different and may be unsafe doing things other people their ages do all the time. But facts are facts. It is what it is. And all that stuff. Your older son, not only uses dangerous drugs and is not guaranteed to be clean and sober at any time, is way too old to be counting on his parents to pay his car insurance, his cell phone, his clothing, anything. He will have no incentive to grow up and get clean. You are supporting not just him, but his entire family. Are you that rich? I could never do that. You have yourselves to think about. You matter...you and your husband matter. Will either boy step up to the plate to care for YOU if it's needed? Can you afford this emotionally too? j Has it helped either of your boys so far to pay their way as if they are six years old? Again, this is to think about, not to answer if you would rather not. Insanity--Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Hugs!!!!! [/QUOTE]
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