So overwhelmed right now

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by KFld, Sep 28, 2007.

  1. KFld

    KFld New Member

    Something happened today that totally overwhelmed me and I was so surprised by my reaction.

    We have a cabin in VT. It is a beautiful home that we spent the last two years building and decorating. It was my h's dream vacation home. He has snowmobiled in VT for years and bought the property with me never having even been there or snowmobiled in my life.

    Today it sold. He went up there the first weekend after I found out about the affair and put it on the market. He thought it would take a long time to sell because things move very slowly up there. I know it's unique and thought it would sell quick, but not this quick. it only took 3 weeks.

    I know either way it needed to be sold. Number one if we get divorced it will be what buys my condo. Number two, if by some chance we work this out, it was not a good thing to own. It was a 5 hour drive that I found hard to get to very often because I work a Monday through Friday job, he owns his own business and spent the last 2 years arranging his schedule to spend as much time there as he could, especially in the winter snowmobiling. I tried the snowmobiling a few times and didn't care for it. I don't like the cold and the average temp in the winter is probably 10 below. He made a bunch of friends up there, but I never did. The people there are kind of bizarre and it was in this remote little town where you really had to drive an hour to go anywhere besides the one restaraunt, store or gas station in town. the cabin was beautiful and the scenery was beautiful. Like I said, inconvenient for me, but convenient for him. I really don't even know at this point if he ever brought anyone else there with him.

    he told me about the offer yesterday and when he called me today to say it sold it hit me like a ton of bricks. One more huge change in our lives. I know this is killing him. He worked so hard on this place for 2 years and it really was his pride and joy. Now he has to go clear it out.

    So many changes in my life in a period of one month. I came home and cried and of course called my bff Jill, aka Lucy.

    he's waiting for the contract to be faxed and then will stop over so I can sign it. It has to be returned by Sunday.

    I just spent the last half hour typing a list of what is in every room because we are selling it furnished.

    I think I'm staying home tonight with my new book and a bottle of wine. I have to be careful though because I do have to get up at 5:45 a.m. to go pick up my girlfriend from the airport and go shopping in NY. Wouldn't be much fun with a huge hangover. I better stick to a glass or two :smile:
  2. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat


    Grieving can hit you anytime, any place, and out of the blue. Remember, it is not necessarily HIM that you are grieving the loss of (although from time to time you probably will), but it is the loss of what was YOUR LIFE for the past 26 years.

    Enjoy your wine (not too much!) and your book. And your shopping!
  3. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    I agree with BBK, it's what this signifies rather than the actual sale.

    You have had an enormous amount of change and upheaval in the last month. I still think you're doing marvelous. :wink:

  4. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    BBK hit it on the head!

    But we missed something: You've always been responsible for making "everyone happy" and you've always put him first (way before yourself). While most wives in your situation would be crowing that "this is probably killing him", you're still the good person that you are and feeling the pain <u>for</u> him. Nothing wrong with that! You've been doing it for, well, forever!

    Don't be surprised at the weird stuff that'll set you off! It's better to feel it than blow it off. Whether you stay together or not: there's still something that you love about him, or the relationship, or the past. "Parting is such sweet sorrow?" :smile:

    Enjoy the wine, enjoy the trip to Manhattan! We all pitched in and ordered up some great weather for you!


  5. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member

    I agree with what everyone has said so far. I wish I had some great words of wisdom for you too, but right now, all I can say is that I'm thinking of you...

    Don't drink too much wine tonight!!! Enjoy your shopping trip tomorrow. It sounds like fun!!! WFEN
  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, Karen, all those memories, and now, such finality.
    There WILL be a future.
  7. KFld

    KFld New Member

    Thanks as usual everyone. he stopped over to have me sign the contract and I could tell he was angry. I said to him, you don't have to do this if you aren't ready and he tried to put it on me that it was a little too late and he really didn't have much choice. I set him straight and told him that I never told him he had to put the cabin on the market right away. I reminded him that he went there and found a realtor and listed the first weekend after we seperated and had it all financially figured out. I needed to make sure he understood this and wasn't blaming me because he would end up hating me for it.

    he thought about it and said I was right and that either way it needed to be done. He admitted it wasn't a good thing for our marriage because he was able to go there all the time by himself and I wasn't able to go. We had a good talk, but I felt good afterwards because I didn't allow him to put the blame on me and I was able to get him to see that it was for the best, no matter what.

    So in the end he left feeling that if we don't make it, I'll need it for a condo, and if we do by some chance work things out, we have a nice amount of money to spend on something.

    I feel good that I didn't allow him to blame me.

    I'm going to read my book and I'm looking forward to my day tomorrow. I'll either check in tomorrow night, or Sunday morning.

    Hope everyone has a nice weekend.
  8. Star*

    Star* call 911


  9. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member

    HUGS! I am sorry you felt overwhelmed. So much change in such a short time it is bound to stress a person out! Good job getting husband to see the truth of the sale of the house!

    Enjoy your time in NYC! Remember, cute shoes....always make you feel good! Even if you never wear them out. Just having them goes far to make us feel sexy!
  10. scent of cedar

    scent of cedar New Member


    That was a big part of who you were together to lose so unexpectedly.

    You handled it really, really well.

    So much change in so short a time!

    Shopping tomorrow will be a good thing to do next.

    Wish I could come, too!


  11. KFld

    KFld New Member

    Well my shopping trip got a little messed up. My girlfriend who us flying in from N.C.'s flight got cancelled. She will be coming in about 3 hours later then expected and flying into Hartford instead of NY. We are now going to pick her up at 11 and go to Clinton Crossing.

    I'm dissapointed, but I'm sure she's more dissapointed. I'm also exhausted because I didn't sleep well, got up at 5:20 because I was supposed to get picked up at 6:45 and now I'm sitting here at 8am all dressed and ready and nowhere to go for a few hours.

    Oh well. Not much I can do about it. The weather is supposed to be beautiful so I'm sure we'll have a nice day anyway.
  12. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    It's not the activity - it's the company!

    Go to Dunkin Donuts and get a coffee, wire yourself up and have a great time!!!

  13. jbrain

    jbrain Member

    Report back ASAP about the shopping trip! I think you are doing an amazing job of handling your life! Yes, you didn't allow him to blame you for the sale and you are not sitting at home, you are getting out and doing fun things! You are an exemplary role model!
  14. KFld

    KFld New Member

    My friends plane ended up not even coming in until almost noon. My daughter and I decided to head up to the Westbrook outlets around 10 and spend a few hours there before meeting them at
    Clinton Crossing outlets.

    I found a bathing suit that I don't need until Spring, but I can never find one in the summer when I'm looking for one. A little more then I would usually spend, but I bought it anyway :smile: and it looks good!!

    Of course in Clinton I had to hit the yankee candle outlet. I am a yankee candle addict like no other. I don't change my curtains for the seasons, I change my candles.

    My girlfriend was absolutley exhausted by the time they go to Clinton. She had been up since 4am, changing planes and landing 4 hours later then they were supposed to be here, so she was in no mood to shop. We walked around a little and got back home pretty early. Then I met her and her mom for dinner last night so we got to spend some relaxing time together.

    It ended up being a nice day and a nice evening.

    Doesn't sound like I missed much at the Pigroast. Talked to my sister in law briefly last night and she said she'll catch me up a little more today, but h was there and spent the day with them. They invited him to go back to the house and play cards because he keeps saying nobody includes him in anything, and guess what??? He had other plans. He was going home to shower and head back out for whatever his other plans were. The night before his other brother and wife asked him if he wanted to go out for a drink and a bite to eat and he said he was too tired. I hope they remind him of this next time he calls complaining that they are leaving him out.
  15. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member


    On the bathing suit! That is an even better find than cute shoes! LOL!

  16. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Karen, I'm glad you're filling your time with-useful and fun activities. I love that you treated yourself to a swimsuit. Way To Go!