So ready to make a change

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by hilarity, Jun 9, 2008.

  1. hilarity

    hilarity New Member

    Thanks for all your replies - you are all right - my life has been a nightmare for over a year. I'm a single mom and thank god there is this place to share - My entire family -- uncles, gradparents, etc. have been alienated for months over this. I have calls into the lawyer and Juvenile PO right now to see if they can lock him up, get him some treatment, etc. Appointment with Public Defender for the felony pill incident a few weeks ago today at 1 p.m. I'm going to try and see if at this point they can all agree to lock him up in juvenile where he might get some help. His Psychologist who he had for years indicated he thought difficult child might be a sociopath, then he decided on conduct disorder. difficult child doesn't get at all that he hurts people. his background is Last July Indecent exposure for having sex with girlfriend in park in car at night, Sep Assault - getting into a fight DEC 140 MPH speeding ticket, March MIP, May Felony having drugs locked up in Juvie for 5 days because of probation revocation - Thursday after got out did the check thing. He knows I am reporting the check incident to PO. I've been locking my bedroom door at night...I don't trust him at all.
  2. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I think that you are on the right track. The people involved do need to know the types of things that he is doing, and I hope that you will include the fear that you feel in your own home. No one should live like that. Where's his dad in this? Has he offered any advice or assistance?

    What will help you the most is to keep in mind that if you want to make a change in your home, the only one that you can change is you. Your son is way out of control, and he will have to deal with the natural consequences of his actions. In his case that is going to court over the laws he has broken.

    But in a way, you are out of control, too, in that you are no longer in control of your house. If you want to be in control again, you have to stand up for yourself in what you will and won't allow in your home. I realize that legally he is a minor, but with these types of charges I wouldn't be at all surprised if they remand him to adult court. And even if they don't, the most likely way he will get residential treatment is for you to say "He can't come home."

    For yourself, to keep your goals in mind, make a list of the things he's broken in your home in the last year, and the trouble he's been in. Make a list of any threatening behaviors or words he has used against you. Then make a list of how it should be. The should be list will probably be short. You should feel safe and comfortable in your own home. You should want to go home at the end of the day. There should be no fighting or stealing in your home.
  3. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    I agree. I have been where you are also. We had to lock our bedroom door when he was at home. I believe you are doing the right thing for him and you.
  4. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Hilarity, stay strong. No it won't be easy, but you are doing all the right things.
  5. So Tired

    So Tired Member

    I'm so sorry -- it's horrible to feel you must protect yourself from you own son. I ended up hiding all the knives in the house, all the car keys, adding deadbolts to the door that he does not have a key to. I just wasn't sure what he was capable of...

    Stay strong! I hope he gets the help he needs.
  6. Coookie

    Coookie Active Member

    Sending gentle hugs for your hurting heart. :(

    When it comes to our difficult children, doing the right thing is seldom painless. :(

    Been where you are with the locked door. Not a good feeling. :(

    More hugs....