So Sick of the Baloney...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by DaisyFace, Dec 21, 2011.

  1. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Here's the latest...

    Evidently, everything can be "fixed" if we institute a Family Game Night.

    Oh, well - what a relief! If only the therapist had mentioned this years and years ago...

    Ugh! I'm so darn sick of the baloney! therapist is STILL approaching everything as though the family just doesn't spend enough time together. Really? REALLY??? If we have any more "family time" I'm gonna vomit! What I need is some ALONE time - ALONE!!! And not have to explain to therapist why every single stinkin waking moment is not about difficult child!!!

    One CANNOT have a relationship with an illness. I don't care if the illness is alcoholism, drug addiction, schizophrenia, anorexia, or bad breath - ONE CANNOT RELATE TO A DISEASE! You can have a relationship with a person with a disease....but if the disease is directing their thoughts and their life - then the "person" is not really there.

    So until difficult child gets herself under control by taking her medications and using her coping skills to control her emotional turmoil - there isn't a family activity in the world that is going to magically fix anything!!!

    But, guess what therapist just scheduled for the month of January? Yep. WEEKLY family therapy. therapist wants husband to take time off from work to attend. Oh yes - yippee! That will be GREAT!!!!

    Meanwhile, supervisor called to let me know that she is 'officially' dumping the Behavior Therapist. But remember our discussion about "transitioning" to a new therapist? Well, forget that. The supervisor is dumping this one NOW - and then tells me that we'll just have to be patient. It's a process to find a new person...and well, that takes time doncha we need to hang in there for a while...but she'll do the best she can...

    I'm so done with this whole stupid system...

    Meanwhile, difficult child feels that the only problems are the ones her parents make up. Everything with her is P.E.R.F.E.C.T.....except her parents, of course.

    Yep - sounds like a case of poor parent-child relationship. Perhaps instituting a Family Game Night will be just the ticket!
  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member difficult child and I had 'family night' established for a long period of time and we both enjoyed it quite a bit. Of course, you know the hx and where he is now so I can't honetlsy say it did SQUAT to prevent a problem, much less solve one.

    I honestly believe that the behavior mod approach causes more family turmoil than it solves. Really. I think when you break it down, it's a set=up for disaster. And the statistics on it aren't looking too good- no matter how much they claim it's 'evidenced based therapy". in my humble opinion, they ought to be looking at the statistics of local jurisdictions using this koi as 'the evidence' for whether or not it works.

    You have my sympathies. I don't know the answer. Keep hanging on and fighting and if it's at all possible, separate the stupidity of these people from the goal you have for yourself and your family. That's the only way I have been able to maintain any sense of sanity in my mind.
  3. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Maybe time to break out the Trivial Pursuit and show difficult child you really ARE intelligent (and she's clueless).
    Suggest difficult child spend family game night with THEIR family so your family can have a peaceful and fun game night.
  4. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    I don't know what to say. I know you have asked and asked for support and you have been given one mess after another. Game night isn't a bad idea, it just is not going to cure the problem. There are few majic bullets when a kids behavior is so bad. Why isn't anybody suggesting DBT? It is the only therapy for Borderline (BPD) that has had much effect on the disorder. If that is what they think she is developing, why are they not sending someone to do that? Why do they insist on treating the relationship between her and her parents when it is just a symptom of her mental illness? What you need is support for you and the right therapy for her. There has got to be someone in that system that understands Borderline (BPD) and what it does to families. I have found solace at NAMI. Is there a parent support group in your neck of the woods? These people get it and have helped me navagate the system. I hear the frustration and anger-I worry what it is doing to your health as it has been so long since you have had peace. ((Hugs and more hugs))
  5. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Only ONE person has recommended DBT - and that one person is ME. I asked the Idiot Caseworker...she didn't know. I asked therapist - she doesn't know anybody who does that kind of therapy. I asked Regional Manager....and I was told that DBT is only done in residential settings and only for adults. And because difficult child is only a child and isn't NEARLY bad enough to require residential services....that DBT is unavailable. Period. End of discussion.

    So we continue to play this game - what can Mom and Dad do to make everything better?

    A part of me wonders whether this is DESIGNED to get me so mad that I walk away?
  6. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Are these services provided thru juvie csu (juvie courts)? Or are they provided thru your MH dept? If they are provided thru csu, I can gaurantee you they won't be the same options. If they're thru MH, then you have half a chance.
  7. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    It's a state department with authority OVER Mental Health
  8. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Then I don't know- maybe the virus that has taken over juvie courts has spread to MH depts.
  9. Methuselah

    Methuselah New Member

    Bwahaha! Family nigh! Who would have thunk it? If only it were that easy....

    My faith in behavioral medicine is non existent at this point. We hauled our difficult children from one "expert" to the next. The only thing that changed was the size of our bank account. :-/

    I've mentioned the book "Character Disturbances" by George K. Simon. His belief is traditional therapies do not work with patients with personality disorders, because they rarely believe they have a problem; it is everyone else. They are not in therapy to better themselves. They are usually there because the court orders them or a dimly member hauled them in. I highly recommend his books and his web site
  10. klmno

    klmno Active Member


    been there done that!

    Sorry....I do believe there is good therapy out there...I just think it's very difficult to find in these times for a few different reasons. But I have gone thru everything I have and worked for years for, monetarily and otherwise, trying to accommodate what people 'in the system' assured me was the 'right answer'. And no, I don't think it's all difficult child's fault that it didn't work. I don't think hye's an innocent victim by any means, but we've been forced to try some paths of 'treatment' that were completely assinign in my opinion and I can't blame difficult child and I don't blame myself for them not working.
  11. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Sorry you are running in circles and getting lame suggestions that won't solve anything. sigh
  12. Star*

    Star* call 911

    I'd find "The Game of Life" and dummy up the cards - I swear I would. Then I'd invite the ding-a-ling to play with the family.

    Maybe it's time to call the State Budget and Control Board and /or write them a letter and let them know exactly HOW their precious money is being spent? These dumb-dumbs take the prize. Wow, preach consistancy and the play the old switcheroo how many times now since you've been a client? Bravo. Sorry you're so frustrated.
  13. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    It isnt true that DBT is only done on adults. They actually have a form of it to use on very small children and I posted it on here about two years ago...maybe 3. Well, not very small, the child has to be able to read at least some words. Your daughter is well old enough to do DBT. I have done it and read the complete work books and training books.

    Here is a good website about DBT that you might want to visit and attempt to push the therapists to try with her. It has all the info, dbt daily worksheets, flash cards and everything.

    Flash Mindful
  14. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    We had family night... And Onyxx would inevitably "disappear". Then complain we didn't want to spend time with her. Errrrr, we tried, but she wasn't ever HOME. And permission to go out? :rofl: riiiiiggghhht. We tried game night, too. Inevitably, Onyxx would lose and throw the pieces and claim we were cheating, or we'd discover she was cheating, or Jett would start crying because he was losing. Family game night was HORRIBLE.
  15. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, well - what a relief! If only the therapist had mentioned this years and years ago...

    LOL! Oh, yeah, I'll bet she'd say the same thing if she were negotiating with-N Korea, too. ;)

    I totally, totally agree that you can't have a relationship with-an illness. I wish there were something you could do (or a miracle medication) to bring forth the whole, real person who is your daughter.

    What is DBT?
  16. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    What is DBT?

    It amazes me how many tdocs out there think that everything can be solved with family time. Honestly, who wants to spend time playing games with a kid who get ****** off every time you play something and he loses? Or when everyone wants to play one thing and difficult child wants to play something else and refuses to participate because the family won't bend the the wishes of a difficult child? That simply adds more stress to the family than there was in the first place.
  17. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I would ask them to come to my house to "teach" me to do this. LOL I actually have had the Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) coordinator try to play a game with Q at our house etc. she didn't even get him to a place where the game was. haha. tried moving to him, by by game.
  18. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    Here is the website we use to refresh skills and get ideas
    Linehan DBT
    My daughter did DBT at last Residential Treatment Center (RTC) (it was a DBT residential but she also did 3 months in the day treatment there. It was a state fascility. There are also private pay teen groups all over. It is intensive, requires some committment and is not a be all. But when clients use it, it works.

    DBT is Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. It teaches a skill set that to many of us would seem like plain good coping and social skills, but to people with Borderline (BPD), they struggle with these skills as their brains are not wired like ours- way more sensitive, perceptive. It requires deliberate application and practice. There is usually a person on call that handles 'crisis" by walking clients through a skill and it's steps. Many therapists are trained but many don't use it because it requires such a therapist/client committment that is hard to maintain. It is work in short. I think only really committed therapists can make it work. Most run a support group that is part of the overall treatment. It can take several years for things to fall in place for most Borderline (BPD) clients.

    It is a behavioral therapy and the research has always said that this kind of therapy and management works as long as someone maintains control-it only changes people who want to change. I do think personality disorders are tough-but some of these people do want to change. There is documented success with DBT. In teens there is some leveling out in their mid 20s. I think that these are misdiagnosed and that it has more to do with the frontal cortex developing (my belief only). In the general population, they see another leveling out in the midthirties and clients report that they are sick of the pain and suffering and want to change their lives.

    The people who do the best are those who have a support network.
  19. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Ohh, thank you, exhausted.