difficult child has been very anxiously lately, because she knows my lease is about to end. This is making her highly upset and I got a little bit of her anger just now. I am a horrible parent, I can't survive with out her (which I'm sorry, I just died in hysterics and still am, but she truly believes that which makes it not funny and just angers me) how can I leave her out onto the streets, no other parent does this to their children but me (name one other person she says; oh I can name many dear). So I got a taste of it today. So this leads me to believe that December, if you get down to bras tax, my safety will be in danger. I think the last week of December I am going to have to sneak out quietly and move. I will have to lie to her as well and make her believe that she is coming with me before I move out. That will leave her in here for a week by herself and I am very worried about what she might do to the place once she realizes I was lying. Hopefully, she doesn't figure me out because I totally STINK at lying. I really am horrible. I have just come to accept what will be, will be. I can't worry about because I have no control. I will just be sure to document everything before I leave. But for the rest of November, I am just going to go numb and try not to think about the impending doom. That thinking is reserved for December. I just have to make sure to eat healthy, get enough rest and gear up for December. Can't believe this is my life.