SO ticked off

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by PatriotsGirl, Mar 14, 2012.

  1. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    So I took the day off to take difficult child to a very important yearly doctor's visit. Texted her this morning, she was awake - I asked if she wanted to get breakfast first and she replied that she had eaten. So, I said okay, I will be there around 9 - 9:30. I get there at 9:13 and I call, and call, and call. No answer. I text, I call. Nothing. This is not exactly a house I want to go knocking on the door at. They have a surveillance camera watching outside activity and several cars in the driveway. Whenever I pick her up or drop her off she always has me park outside of the camera angle. Yeah, no thank you. I waited almost an hour out there trying to reach her. Can you believe that?? After an hour, I left her a note in the mailbox with her insurance card and came back home to work. I left her a voicemail that I am done. I can't be taking time off work for nothing and that it is now her responsibility to call the doctor, reschedule and get herself there. I found that it is about a mile away from her house - she is more than capable to walk that. I told her the doctor can call me and I will pay the copay over the phone, but I am not taking time off anymore to try to help her. I told her not to ask me for anything until she is ready for rehab.

    So, she calls when I am pulling into my driveway. I live almost an hour away from her. I told her too late. You have missed the appointment. She started apologizing and I hung up. I don't want to hear it. She texts me that she is so sorry she failed me again. I told her that she isn't failing me, she is failing herself. And how can she work this landscaping job when they are on the road at 5 - 6am and she can't even wake up for a doctor's appointment?? I told her that by sleeping through such an important appointment knowing I was on my way there, should show her that this is not normal and she needs to make change. She says she wants to change her life, but those are just words and her actions are certainly not jiving with them.

    And I don't even want to tell husband because it would just fuel his "told you so" attitude. It has come to the point that I can't even talk about her to him. He is so far beyond over it all. Even when I tell him good news, he doesn't get excited or show any emotion. It really bugs me. I understand how he feels and I totally get that he has detached completely. But I still have hope while it appears he has resigned her to be a drug addict loser indefinitely. Maybe he is right, but gosh I want to believe so badly that he is not. :(
  2. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    I would be so ticked off too. And THEY ARE SO AGGRAVATING. It's like their thought process is completely missing. And of course you won't believe that this is how she will be forever. We're mothers - we leave the light on. If we stop believing - who will? It's what we do. Even when we detach we do it for them as much as for us. I get it. And I am so sorry. {{{hugs}}}
  3. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    Sig, have I told you lately how much I love you?? I just got off the phone with husband saying the same thing. I am a mom. I will always hope....

    I haven't heard from her since she said sorry she failed me - even after all the messages I sent after. My assumption is she went right back to sleep. :/
  4. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Sometimes I feel like my guardian angel must have been working thru google those first horrible nights and that she lead me here to you guys. I can practice detachment, I can turn my back, I can let my son walk out knowing that he won't be back AND KNOW IT'S THE RIGHT/BEST THING TO DO- but when I am here I can stop pretending to be so tough.

    Because, until my dying breath - I will never stop hoping or praying or wanting him the best for him. And if he's ever ready to live a good life - I will be here for him.

    Sure, there are a lot of mothers who can walk away & not look back. But they're not on this board and frankly, they're not people I want to know.

    Love you too :)
  5. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Reading your posts from far away on a vacation I so needed after my difficult child continued to do very similar kinds of things. I hope yours change before they're 39 like mine. I so relate to what you are both saying. My girl is almost 40 years old and I am still at it, hoping all the time that she will have a life, any life, which is not plagued by such poor choices and horrible outcomes. The light is always on.

    PG while reading your post, I could have inserted my difficult child's name, we've been down that road hundreds of times, it is so frustrating, I get it. And, no one except another parent of a difficult child, really understands what we go through and how we continue to come back and try again. If our difficult child's could really understand how much we love them, that alone would heal them.
  6. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I would be so ticked off too PG. I have been in that position where difficult child had an appointment and I went to pick her up and she was nowhere to be found. I actually had to pay for a missed doctor appointment that she never showed for. I am reminded every day that our difficult children do not live by the same rules in life that we do.

    Of course she is ignoring your texts. There is nothing she can say that makes this OK.

  7. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    Well she is learning a hard lesson today. I called her to make sure she got her license and insurance card that I left and after she says yes, begins to cuss. I am like, excuse me? She tells me that she is en route to the doctor on foot and how it is two miles away. I told her I walk that several times a week. She snaps that is me, not her. I calmly told her had she been up when she was supposed to be, she would have been done and hung up.
    Wow. Walking two miles. Rough. Lazy!!!!! So obviously if she is so ticked about it, she certainly isn't out there job hunting like she should be!
    Anyhow, I get a phone call from the nurse an hour later. She had told them she would be there in ten minutes. She has zero concept of time. They said now it was too late to be seen. I have the nurse background on this morning and explained this is tough love. She had a difficult child too, a daughter, now 29 and starting to get it now so she understood completely. I gave her difficult children cell number to call and reschedule yet again. She had to have been almost there. I cannot imagine how ticked she was when they called....ah well....natural consequences at their finest!
  8. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    Glad the nurse understood. Maybe she'll be mad at someone else instead of you for a change.
  9. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    The walk will do her good and she has no one but herself to blame.

  10. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    Ha! Sometimes the Universe is great! Good for you not taking her cussy, mouthy stuff on the phone. Hope she makes it to work and becomes so tired every day she can't get herself into trouble.
  11. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    My friend hasn't called her. Weird because she told me the night before last that she was going to, but hasn't. Of course after this morning, I am not doing anything to help her get the job. I don't think she would be reliable. I think she needs a night job, but she blew off bartending school that I tried to put her through... :-( and then after complaining that she had to walk two whole miles...ugh, she is too lazy....
  12. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Strange how things work out sometimes... thinking of you! sorry you went through all that trouble for such a disappointing result.
  13. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    Apparently, job is still on. My friend asked for a copy of difficult child's driver's license. I told her that difficult child has it in her possession now, so she is all set. That is as far as I am going....I pray it works out, I pray this is the catalyst for difficult child to change her life, but I just can't get my hopes up anymore. I feel like Eeyore when it comes to her right now... :(

    And what stinks the most is I was looking forward to seeing her yesterday. I have missed her...