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General Parenting
So tired of arguing over difficult child with H
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<blockquote data-quote="hearts and roses" data-source="post: 59878" data-attributes="member: 2211"><p>Oh thanks Janet! The million dollar question indeed! :rofl:</p><p></p><p>We recently changed her old school savings account into a checking and savings, with the bulk of her funds going into the savings. I am on both accounts, however she is the main signer. We just received her checks in the mail yesterday and we're going to go over how to write them and keep track of them, etc. She's limited to a basic ATM card but it took a while for me to help her understand that she just can't keep taking money out and she must record all deposits, withdrawals and check her balances, etc. In addition, I've linked her savings to her checking so if she DOES withdraw money from her checking and there isn't enough in there, she will not incur an overdraft fee as the bank will go into her savings to cover it. And we had the bank impose a limit of $100 withdrawal per ATM transaction/day. Also, I've set it up so I can see what she's doing in the accounts on line, since my name is on them. I will teach her how to do the same. So, we're on this.</p><p></p><p>Once she gets a job again, she will pay my H $100/month for her auto insurance. Rent has not been an issue with either dds yet as easy child is in college and as long as she's a student or paying her own expenses, she can live here rent free. Same goes for difficult child. If she doesn't attend school then that rule will be altered. I think if she moved out, she'd probably go live with her dad for a while, then maybe try to come back. All of that is fine, as long as she understands that under our roof, she will need to adhere to our rules, obviously.</p><p></p><p>I feel like we need to be taking baby steps in helping her become more independent (in healthier ways). I think her idea of becoming independent and ours are two way different ideas! In her head, like so many young adult teens, she's thinking it means she has more freedoms. But in our heads we're thinking it's about becoming more self sufficient and planning for her immediate future, Know what I mean?? This is where it gets tricky. With easy child, it was a pita, but doable and basically, easy child fell in line and is doing what she's supposed to do - she was my first and very easy, which did not prepare me very well for difficult child! But, of course, now I've had years of practice...although years of practice doesn't teach you everything, now does it?? </p><p></p><p>Thanks for your thoughts. I know I'm not the only one out there guessing.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hearts and roses, post: 59878, member: 2211"] Oh thanks Janet! The million dollar question indeed! [img]:rofl:[/img] We recently changed her old school savings account into a checking and savings, with the bulk of her funds going into the savings. I am on both accounts, however she is the main signer. We just received her checks in the mail yesterday and we're going to go over how to write them and keep track of them, etc. She's limited to a basic ATM card but it took a while for me to help her understand that she just can't keep taking money out and she must record all deposits, withdrawals and check her balances, etc. In addition, I've linked her savings to her checking so if she DOES withdraw money from her checking and there isn't enough in there, she will not incur an overdraft fee as the bank will go into her savings to cover it. And we had the bank impose a limit of $100 withdrawal per ATM transaction/day. Also, I've set it up so I can see what she's doing in the accounts on line, since my name is on them. I will teach her how to do the same. So, we're on this. Once she gets a job again, she will pay my H $100/month for her auto insurance. Rent has not been an issue with either dds yet as easy child is in college and as long as she's a student or paying her own expenses, she can live here rent free. Same goes for difficult child. If she doesn't attend school then that rule will be altered. I think if she moved out, she'd probably go live with her dad for a while, then maybe try to come back. All of that is fine, as long as she understands that under our roof, she will need to adhere to our rules, obviously. I feel like we need to be taking baby steps in helping her become more independent (in healthier ways). I think her idea of becoming independent and ours are two way different ideas! In her head, like so many young adult teens, she's thinking it means she has more freedoms. But in our heads we're thinking it's about becoming more self sufficient and planning for her immediate future, Know what I mean?? This is where it gets tricky. With easy child, it was a pita, but doable and basically, easy child fell in line and is doing what she's supposed to do - she was my first and very easy, which did not prepare me very well for difficult child! But, of course, now I've had years of practice...although years of practice doesn't teach you everything, now does it?? Thanks for your thoughts. I know I'm not the only one out there guessing. [/QUOTE]
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So tired of arguing over difficult child with H
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