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Parent Emeritus
So tired,so sad, and sick of it all
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<blockquote data-quote="Hope_Floats" data-source="post: 639426" data-attributes="member: 18310"><p>Number one: it is not your fault. You did not fail to equip her. And even if you did, she is smart enough to figure it out.</p><p></p><p>Number two: it does sound like, though, you have taught her that it is okay to abuse you by taking her stress out on you and calling you names, etc. You can fix that part rather quickly by teaching her that it it isn't okay. A gentle explanation that this is no longer an acceptable way to talk to you, and that you are more than happy to support her, and listen to her struggles, etc., but that the moment she becomes abusive or calls you names, that you will end the conversation. Then when it happens, you gently hang up the phone. Then maybe not take her calls for a day or two. Many moms here on this forum have used that approach with great success. It teaches her that it's not okay to treat people (especially you) that way, and it gives you back your sense of control around what you will and will not allow to be done to you. Gives you back some peace and dignity. You deserve that.</p><p></p><p>Number three: most schools have free counseling centers. Perhaps you gently suggest that she visit hers to get some help with managing her stress. It's quite normal in adjusting to college, and you can tell her so, and tell her that's why the counseling centers are there. That will take some of the pressure off you to deal with it, and put some responsibility back on her to learn, as adults do, to use the resources available to solve one's own problems.</p><p></p><p>I hope you find some of that helpful, and hope you find some peace.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hope_Floats, post: 639426, member: 18310"] Number one: it is not your fault. You did not fail to equip her. And even if you did, she is smart enough to figure it out. Number two: it does sound like, though, you have taught her that it is okay to abuse you by taking her stress out on you and calling you names, etc. You can fix that part rather quickly by teaching her that it it isn't okay. A gentle explanation that this is no longer an acceptable way to talk to you, and that you are more than happy to support her, and listen to her struggles, etc., but that the moment she becomes abusive or calls you names, that you will end the conversation. Then when it happens, you gently hang up the phone. Then maybe not take her calls for a day or two. Many moms here on this forum have used that approach with great success. It teaches her that it's not okay to treat people (especially you) that way, and it gives you back your sense of control around what you will and will not allow to be done to you. Gives you back some peace and dignity. You deserve that. Number three: most schools have free counseling centers. Perhaps you gently suggest that she visit hers to get some help with managing her stress. It's quite normal in adjusting to college, and you can tell her so, and tell her that's why the counseling centers are there. That will take some of the pressure off you to deal with it, and put some responsibility back on her to learn, as adults do, to use the resources available to solve one's own problems. I hope you find some of that helpful, and hope you find some peace. [/QUOTE]
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So tired,so sad, and sick of it all
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