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Parent Emeritus
So tired,so sad, and sick of it all
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<blockquote data-quote="CrazyinVA" data-source="post: 639531" data-attributes="member: 1157"><p>One thing that jumped out at me in your post was the sorority and cheering stuff. I know that's expensive. Have you tied that stuff to her grades, so that if she doesn't do well, you won't foot the bill for it any more? It's not a matter of her "refusing to give them up," really, if you're the one paying .. unless she's paying for them herself. If she's like my kids, she may try to pull the "but that's the only thing that makes me happy" card if you threaten that -- but I think it's important to not "reward" her with those things if she isn't pulling her weight academically. </p><p></p><p>As parents of manipulative kids, we have to learn to toughen up a bit. It takes LOTS of practice not to react when they pull out the comments like "I have no home to go to." They know just which buttons to push, don't they? Don't own that guilt ... it's not yours! Try to adopt the "dispassionate cop" response - ya know how cops can take someone cussing them out and remain calm and detached? That's how I had to learn to respond (as best I could). Or even to make jokes as comebacks -which infuriated my daughters at times, but kept me sane.</p><p></p><p>Hang in there. I'm glad you're looking into going to a counselor, I agree that's important.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="CrazyinVA, post: 639531, member: 1157"] One thing that jumped out at me in your post was the sorority and cheering stuff. I know that's expensive. Have you tied that stuff to her grades, so that if she doesn't do well, you won't foot the bill for it any more? It's not a matter of her "refusing to give them up," really, if you're the one paying .. unless she's paying for them herself. If she's like my kids, she may try to pull the "but that's the only thing that makes me happy" card if you threaten that -- but I think it's important to not "reward" her with those things if she isn't pulling her weight academically. As parents of manipulative kids, we have to learn to toughen up a bit. It takes LOTS of practice not to react when they pull out the comments like "I have no home to go to." They know just which buttons to push, don't they? Don't own that guilt ... it's not yours! Try to adopt the "dispassionate cop" response - ya know how cops can take someone cussing them out and remain calm and detached? That's how I had to learn to respond (as best I could). Or even to make jokes as comebacks -which infuriated my daughters at times, but kept me sane. Hang in there. I'm glad you're looking into going to a counselor, I agree that's important. [/QUOTE]
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