Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by jojo1360, Jan 13, 2016.
When is enough Enough? I know I need to throw my son out but it's so so hard.
He's only 19 where did my beautiful son go? He went down the road I hope I never see anyone else I love go down. The road of drugs, lies, lies, and more lies. He has turned my home into such a toxic place. I find myself on my hands and knees daily searching his room. Is this my life now? I am always in a state of anxiety afraid i will find my son dead from overdosing.
I'm so sorry. My son is twenty and lives a few miles away with his father. I feel the same as you, but it has helped now that I don't live with them. Did he destroy our marriage, yes, in part. That was before the drugs, I think, but it's exhausting to be on high alert ALL the time. After the age of 18, we're in a terrible position, but now that he isn't living with me, I feel less guilt at not giving him money (for drugs). I give him NOTHING, except pay for his phone and I think that's about to end. He has no job, isn't interested. He has destroyed five, FIVE, vehicles in the last 18 months. Why would he be interested in working when his father gives him everything he could ever want? If you are giving your son money and he doesn't work.....don't give him a DIME. I, too, worry about his drug use. What I have concluded is that there isn't one single thing I can do about it, except to not fund it.
Hi Jojo, welcome to the forum and so sorry for your need to be here. It is a tough road we are all on, many are, or have been in similar situations.
I am sorry for your heartache, it is difficult when our adult children go this route. They change so drastically and drugs become #1 in their lives. They do not care what they do to get high, and will run over anyone who gets in the way.
Unfortunately Jojo, our homes do become toxic in this situation.
This does not have to be your life now,
but it is his life, as long as he chooses to use.
When our adult children use drugs,
they use us.
This is not acceptable.
I had to learn to regain my ground, refocus my life.
It is something to work at. A quest for sanity.
On your hands and knees
searching his room is not sanity.
Jojo, as parents we get really caught up in this.
We want to fix it.
Reality is, we have no control over anybody but ourselves.
Your son is 19, of legal age and will do what he pleases.
What many of us have found here, is the more we try to "help" our d cs, the harder and longer they hang on to drugging. It is because we are doing it all for them. By this, we have taken away all responsibility. They do not respect themselves and they don't respect us for this.
Our d cs must face the consequences of their choices, the sooner they do this, the faster they learn. That is our hope.
And there is hope. Always.
So how do we find the strength to pick ourselves up by the boot straps and live our own lives?
If you believe in a higher power, look to that for help. There is an excellent article on detachment in the PE forum. Alanon or naranon help. These are all tools that help us deal with this.
You must set rules and boundaries for your house and if your son refuses to follow them, out he goes. This is not easy and counter to what we know, but very necessary. For his growth and your sanity.
I am so sorry for your heartache, keep posting, it truly does help. Others will come along and share. You are not alone, Jojo, you are here with us and we will stay by your side. Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.
Probably the world of drugs.
Enough is enough when your house is no longer your sanctuary, when your house has illegal activities going on there because of a defiant young man (he is a man, not a child, even if you picture the child who WAS him), when you are afraid he will break something, attack someone, steal from you, scream abuse at you, bring home scary "friends", when he makes you uncomfortable in your own home due to his behaviors.
We all have our own threashhold. But nobody should feel upset by an adult child who lives in their home. He may be young, but legally he is an adult and responsible for his choices. If he has drugs in your house, you could be held responsible since it is YOUR house. If you have younger kids, they don't need to see the police, hear the abuse, deal with his drama. They deserve a serene atmosphere.
Hugs for your hurting heart. Hope you can come to a good decision for YOURSELF soon
I am so sorry. My daughter was at her worst when she was 19. You will know when enough is enough. And then you will wonder what took you so long. The hardest thing I ever had to do was make my daughter leave our home. I believe it saved her life, but it was brutal on me.
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